I have teenage daughter she is 17 and all that I can say is that i have been proud of her all my life. Always best grades, great behavior, but she was always shy and hard on confiding her feelings. She has dream of being musician and works and practised alot to accomplished it. One of her teachers is a man that is priest and that has been her role model since ever. I always knew that she had great respect and that she always admired him. But now, I strarted to think that my daughter is in love with him. I know he looks at her only and only as a student and I am absolutely sure that has no idea about her feelings. I am not even sure that she is completely aware of them. She never confided it to me, but as a mother i can see that she suffers although she would never say it at loud. What can i do to help her? I know that she would never do anything about her feelings, admit them or sth, but i know that she still feels them. How can I as a mother help?
2006-08-12 11:01:24 · 16 answers · asked by Mother of two 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Talk to her about it instead of asking people who don't know you're daughter, it maybe that you're reading her wrong and she just really admires the guy, but if you talk to her and as you say she isn't aware of these possible feelingsthen after you've talked to her she'll be on the look out for any signs that maybe she does like him. Does that make sence? Just talk to her about it. Thats the whole point.
2006-08-12 11:06:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm afraid I can't agree with those who are saying you should talk openly to her about her feelings. She's shy. It might just be excruciating, and embarrassing for her that you can see what's going on. She probably believes no one knows.
It sounds as though there's no real problem here -- I mean, he's not aware, and she's not doing anything about it. Of course, there IS a real problem here, in that she is in a state of unrequited love, and you want to help her.
It will pass. It's normal. She doesn't sound the type to do anything dumb, nor he the type to do anything horrible.
I would think that the most you could do would be to reminisce about crushes you had when you were younger, and talk about how you felt at the time. It's possible that she would confide in you then, or even if she doesn't, she might gain some insight into her situation.
Thing is, it sounds as though there's at least a part of her that knows this isn't going to lead anywhere.
There really isn't anything to do. Just wait. When she's off on her own, she'll have feelings for others, one of which might just work out for her. It's hard to watch, I know, but she's growing up and this is one part of that.
2006-08-12 11:29:23 · answer #2 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, click on my picture, than go to my Yahoo 360 page. You will find a chart there that will help. Right click on the chart and save it to your computer for printing. It will show her some useful facts on child development. As for being in love with her music teacher, remember that it has only been 5 years since she "began" developing the conceptual understating of love. What she is feeling is the result of the production of certain hormones that drives our desires to want and need something. The development and control of these urges will not be compete until age 24 in her. Males don't reach that point until age 30.
Yes, to her it feels very real, but it is an illusion that she will understand as she gets older. Consider getting her the book, "10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives!" It will help her. She will say that you don't understand, just as you said it to your parents. Just remember, this will pass. Her brain has been gathering data for only 15 years. It has the capacity to last 10,000 years, so what she has learned so far is very little to how much she will learn about life in the future. The same goes for you. BE patient, this too will pass.
2006-08-12 11:15:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't. As long as there is nothing inappropriate going on, she's going through something pretty normal. She really admires this man, because he's accomplished many things she wants to accomplish. Teenage girls develop crushes on male role models all the time. Yes, it's probably hurting her, but it's part of growing up. My 16 year old is going through something similar, and this is basically what my mom told me. Just make sure there's nothing inappropriate going on between them, but it doesn't sound like there is. You're not going to gain anything by trying to force her to talk to you about this, if she wants to, she will. She may have also talked about this with friends. It's hard as a mother to watch them pull away from us though, huh? They were just little bitty the other day, weren't they? :-) Good luck!
2006-08-12 11:46:52 · answer #4 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Believe or not my first love was a priest. He was my role model, best friend, second father and pretty much a God-like figure. My parents were quite aware of how I felt for him and so was he. Needless to say that after 25 years he and I are still very good friends. In fact he and my parents took a trip to Rome. I guess what I'm saying is that it has happened before and there is a way to find some positive in it.
2006-08-12 12:38:56 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'm not a parent, but I am a high school teacher and graduate of 12 years of Catholic school. So, I'd have to say that if it's a "father figure/role model" type of love that you daughter is feeling you have nothing to worry about. However, if it's a "romantic/infatuation" type of love, you should be concerned. First, identify (if you can) what it is you're dealing with here, and then go from there...
2006-08-12 11:07:19 · answer #6 · answered by The Man In The Box 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like nothing more than a crush, if that. I would try to get her to talk to you though maybe start by talking about something related or talk about some one you know or a character in a book or tv show that she likes that is in a similar situation. Maybe then she will open up more. The key would be to get her to start talking. May be a good idea to mention the situation and your concerns to the priest he may have some ideas as well. But unless she is acting up or acting on the crush I would be too overly concerned.
2006-08-12 11:10:54 · answer #7 · answered by knightslady97 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask her how she feels. Its perfectly normal for a girl to fall for an older man. Especially a teacher. Hopefully time will change things and she will move on to other interests. You are very lucky to have such a wonderful daughter.
2006-08-12 11:06:01 · answer #8 · answered by Annie R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her about a teacher you had a crush on.
Remind her that she cannot get involved with a person whose profession is teaching and being a priest. Explain to her that he would loose his career and his reputation if he got involved with a student. If she cares about him, she will understand she must be protective of him. No one would want bad things to happen to their friend.
2006-08-12 11:07:10 · answer #9 · answered by chieko 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think she should see a professional counselor. Perhaps 1/2 the visit alone and 1/2 with you.
If she goes away to college soon, then that might break the spell.
2006-08-12 11:05:37 · answer #10 · answered by Tony T 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋