My husband and I were camping on my birthday so I guess I wasn't expecting anything, but a card would be nice. He is a wonderful husband in every way but when it comes to gift giving he is a big failure. I just was hoping he would surprise me just once on this milestone of a birthday? My son takes after his Dad and didn't bother even with a card only a belated verbal Happy Birthday when we came back from our camping trip. My daughter on the other hand gave me two very special gifts.
Now I'm wondering what I should do about my husbands 65th birthday coming up in a few months. Should I just ignore it or plan a little family party which I wanted to do for him.
The thing is I am so hurt that I'm now out of the mood to do any celebrating for anyone. I am at the point of not giving cards or gifts for the men in my family from now on! I could really use some advice here!?
2006-08-12 10:46:40 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I might be too young to you advice because they always said the more years on you usually more wiser you are. But I do know how you feel because my husband of nine years is the same way. He doesn't remember birthdays, holidays. He doesn't remember ant dates period. He is a loving man, but that is his flaw. At first I was resentful at him and even be upset and have argument with him. He has not change since then. so, how do I cope with this since it's always me remembering our important dates? I still buy gifts and celebrate for my family. As far as my own birthday, since he can't remember, I remember for him by celebrate with him and pickup gifts for him for myself! I don't belived that because he forgot your birthday or he didn't verbally congratulate you doesn't mean he doesn't care. You can't change him. You can change the situtation. Instead of being upset, go get youself something you like and share it with him.
2006-08-12 11:05:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't say how long you've been married, but it sounds like it's been quite a while, as you have two grown children.
Yes, you feel hurt, but just stop for a minute and balance a card against all the things that he has done over the years that weren't associated with birthdays or christmas or anniversaries or any of that stuff. I'll bet there were lots of times when he did something really sweet when you weren't expecting it.
Most of the birthday, anniversary, and other commemorative events are really heavily promoted by the greeting card companies. But a little piece of paper isn't what a relationship is all about.
It's doubly annoying, because celebrating a day because someone says you have to is just not a guy thing. It's probably one of the prime items of contention in marriages. But if you expect him to conform to a Hallmark image, you are going to be disappointed time after time.
Granted, 65 is a milestone, but you might look at it this way: he doesn't really see you as a 65-year old woman, but still pictures you as the girl he married. In his mind, you will never be 65.
Don't let it hurt you, because that won't do anything for anyone -- it won't change his nature, and will simply spoil the enjoyment you get out of doing things.
Go ahead and plan his birthday party, but tell everyone it's a double birthday party. Since you were out camping, you missed your birthday, so make sure there are two cakes, one for each of you, and two bottles of bubbly. Make a joke of it. Buy yourself a birthday present -- something you have always wanted but no one has ever given you. And tell them it's an old Wikinninish custom that on your 65th birthday, you can have whatever you want.
Wikinninish is a pennisula in the Pacific North West, and a wonderful tribe of Aboriginal peoples used to live there. Did they have such a custom? No, of course not. But your husband won't know that. Nor will the other members of your family.
I'm not telling you to by Pollyanna, but at your age, and at his age, you don't know how many good years you will have together, so cherish what you have and don't disrupt it just because some greeting card manufacturer wants to sell more cards!
Blessings to you both -- and Happy Birthday!
2006-08-12 18:07:27 · answer #2 · answered by old lady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I, actually, don't "think you should feel hurt" because I'm really lousy about remembering birthdays, and I don't care about mine, either, so I'm more like him. But the fact is, you DO feel hurt, and it's not going to go away just because some nut on the net says you shouldn't. You feel hurt because you take it as a sign that he doesn't care, when he probably cares about you a LOT.
I think you should gently say, "I know we were camping, and you usually aren't Mr. Gift-giver, but I am hurt that you ignored my 65th birthday."
What I'm hoping is that his reaction to your statement will ease your hurt (that is, that he'll be sorry about it).
Since he's otherwise "a wonderful husband in every way" it's a shame to have something spoil things between you.
It may be that he doesn't like to have his birthday celebrated, and so is "doing unto you as he would like done unto him" -- I think you should ask him whether he wants the party you were planning, or future birthday parties. If not, I say, don't bother, just focus on you and your daughter's birthdays. If he does, then suggest a little reciprocity would be in order.
For the future, could you enlist your daughter to remind your husband and son when your birthday is coming up that you would appreciate some acknowledgment?
Also, you could throw little parties for your birthday, just don't call them birthday parties, and have celebrations with your family on your day, rather than on those of the men.
2006-08-12 18:01:46 · answer #3 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is a wonderful husband in every other way then I think if he knew how hurt you were by his lack of birthday acknowledgement he would probably feel very bad. Why don't you tell him that you'd like a little something for your special days in the future. It's too late for your last b.d. but you should have the party for him anyway. Maybe you should tell him before his party how you are feeling so you can clear the air and have fun on his special day without any resentment. Happy belated to you!! Count your blessings!
2006-08-12 22:12:40 · answer #4 · answered by mab5096 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HAPPY 65TH BIRTHDAY
I'm sorry that your husband is who is he's, but there is no excuse, 65 is a very special age and it should not go un-noticed. There's no written rule about cards but anything would work, I have used my mind to come up with anything to put a smile on someone's face.
I sympathize with what your going through but sweetheart you have ever right to feel angry and hurt but not acknowledging your husband b-day and son's I feel is wrong. I believe that's not really you, your just saying that out of anger. I believe you'll do the honourable thing us women are generally more emotional than men. All the best and I hope you got something out of this.
2006-08-12 18:55:25 · answer #5 · answered by tangelize 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's the only husband you've ever had, you must be used to this kind of things. I'm sure you thought about this before and you concluded that you love him so much and he makes you feel so loved that the gift issue became a minor detail. If you want a present, ask him to take you to the mall and buy yourself something for you and tell him "this is for my birthday".
Don't try to do the same thing for his birthday, I'm almost certain it's not in your nature.
2006-08-12 17:52:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well Happy Birthday to you!!!! I,would just have a small family gathering,and make it fun for all. I,do understand how you feel. Was this an oversight on his part? Buy yourself something special and tell him,since you didn't bother to get me something on my birthday,I thought I'd treat myself to something. Oh,and by the way Happy Birthday,Darling.(you could do this on his birthday,by saying Happy Birthday,you did your part). Anyways you have a wonderful weekend and hope this little family party,is nice. Good Luck.
2006-08-12 17:57:18 · answer #7 · answered by Dimples 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't take it so hard. The card and present thing is an emotional thing. Men just don't see these things as being as important as women do. It isn't your fault and he doesn't love you any less because of it. He did take you camping on your birthday didn't he? That sounds like a pretty nice present to me.
2006-08-12 17:54:45 · answer #8 · answered by InnerCircle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If u have never told your husband that this bothers you, it's never too late to start. Tell him exactly what u said here and if he cares about you he will understand. He probably doesn't realize that you want something material for your birthday and if you told him, I'm sure he would def. put the extra effort in next year. Maybe he could even talk to your son about it too. good luck!
2006-08-12 17:56:41 · answer #9 · answered by katie l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to look at the good things about your husband and forgive him if he is stupid sometimes..it's part of the male condition...You might remind him it's your birthday..but just try to concentrate on what's important about it to you and what you need to do...and when his birthday comes along you have the opportunity to do nothing and wait for him to whinge about it...
2006-08-12 17:55:06 · answer #10 · answered by synchronicity915 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋