About 6 months ago I was diagnosed as having depression (at least that is what I think I have). My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year now. Lately, for the past 6 months, I have been very obsessed with our relationship. I am always feeling like I have to talk to him or see him. I get paranoid when he speaks to a lady or just glances and a girl. I know that he would never cheat. He is not like that at all. It would hurt him too much to hurt me. I need help on what I can do to help myself on not being so obsessed with our relationship. He doesn't chat with women, doesn't talk to them (on the phone), and he doesn't hang out with them. I am the only girl he talk to and hangs out with. The other women that he talks to is at work. Could there be something else wrong with me or am I just being too paranoid about our relationship. he has never hurt me since we have been together. Please help me and give me some good advice on how to get better. Thank you!!!
2006-08-12 09:17:12 · 12 answers · asked by Justine 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I guess I get more obsessed because I am scared of losing him. We have been dating for more than a year and I love him with all my heart. (I am not too young to have a boyfriend) I am 19 and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life..I would do anything for him. I am currently on medication..I have been on meds for about 5 months...It doesn't seem to work perfectly but I do admit, I do need some counsling..I can't afford it right now but I hope that I can get it soon...We both have our problems and because of me being so paranoid, it has pushed us a little farther away but he wants me to get better. He says that he will always be here for me and that he loves me no matter what. He just wants to see me get through this and I want to as well..I don't doubt his commitment to me..I know how much he loves and cares for me. I don't pray but maybe I should start. Maybe god can help me. I need all the help I can get.
2006-08-12 09:18:04 · update #1
I really don't have many friends that I hang out with..Well I really don't have any at all..He is my only and best friend. I do work Monday thru Friday and sometimes at work, I start feeling like I have to talk to him. Sometimes I also get jealous when he jerks off..I get scared that he prefers that instead of me. Is there something seriously wrong with me. Sometimes I feel like I only want him for me and no one else..I guess I am way to obsessed..
Does anyone else have any suggestions? Please help me!!!It is very hard for him to deal with this but he has told me that he is going to stick by me until I get better. He says he loves me too much to leave me. He tells me that I am the one he wants to be with but my obsession can't continue. I just don't want to lose him. I am trying to see a counsler but I can't afford it. I am also filling out paper work for a phyciatrist so I can get the correct medication to get better. If you have any advice, please let me know! I love him!
2006-08-12 09:20:06 · update #2
So I don't have anything to worry about if he jerks off every now and then? I just don't want to lose him to something stupid like that..I thank everyone who is giving me advice and I hope that it will work. I hope that I can get better soon before the fire dies. I will try to take everyones advice.
2006-08-12 09:37:08 · update #3
What you need to do is back off a bit. It may be hard, but since you have already said that he is the one for you, there is no reason why you should smother him. If you smother a fire, it goes out.
just keep taking your meds, if they dont seem like they are working you really need to go back to the dr and get them adjusted. Get a journal and write down your feelings.
Get a hobby OUTSIDE of your bf. maybe go to your local church or hospital and see can you volunteer. The thing is, no one likes to feel like they are being sucked the life out of by their partner. everyone needs space, even when you are married.
It will take time to get used to but in the long run, it will be worth it.
If that wont work for you i suggest that you take time away from the relationship to get yourself better. You cant be 100% to another person if you cant give that to yourself.
2006-08-12 09:24:21 · answer #1 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Coming from someone who suffers from depression and has a tendency to be clingy here's my 2 cents worth.
The more clingy you are the farther away he is going to go. If you are acting so needy he feels smothered, he won't stick around long.
You need to take a good hard look at yourself and figure out why you feel so insecure. Make a list of all your good character qualities, your abilities and your talents. Focus on that part of you instead of what you don't like about yourself. Becoming a more confident person will make you a more attractive person.
The "woe is me" syndrome of depression is not attractive to people. In fact you will attract the wrong kind of people with that outlook.
If you want a healthy relationship, you have to be a healthy person. Go to your local Christian book store and look at the topics under self help. You will find what you need there.
Also, start reading your Bible every day. Read one Proverb and one Psalm. Then start reading the New Testament with the book of John. Find a church that teaches the Bible and start attending. You will see yourself change and grow into a beautiful, strong young woman who is very attractive to the right kind of young man.
There is a way out of depression and it is to focus on God and not yourself. Medication is helpful but you must also change your thinking.
2006-08-12 16:28:40 · answer #2 · answered by Punky 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the clingyer and possesive u get the further u will push him away.. no one wants there every move to be watched.. if u dont have trust u have nothing eventually he's gonna go find someone who trusts him completly and gives him his freedom.. he always comes home to u so hes urs.. sounds like u need to start something of ur own in ur life like gardening, something to occupy u and take ur mind off ur obsessing of him.. once u smother the fire it may not restart and then ull b left alone and really depressed
2006-08-12 16:25:18 · answer #3 · answered by wildspirit1313 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
RELAX! You shouldn't be that obsessed over him, if your that nervous just talk to him about it and ask him questions. It will make your confidence stronger towards him. And if your scared of loseing him than why did you say that he would never do anything to hurt your feelings and would never think about cheating on you. If he is anything like you described him you shouldn't have anything to worry about. Good Luck
Who is that in your pic? hmmmm :-/
2006-08-15 17:40:49 · answer #4 · answered by livelaughlove 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, you asked for good advise, this is very honest and forward. The "at least that is what I think I have" concerns me. Everyone feels down sometimes and that is OK, but if you have been feeling down for a while, and on meds I recommend that you talk to your local Pastor. They will be able to help you, I say this because ONE you mentioned that you do need some counciling, and TWO because you said you don't pray. I fear that since you don't pray you are lacking the most important relationship anyone could ever have and that is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. His Love for you is unconditional!
Now on to your relationship with your boyfriend. Men, want to be a hero! They want to be able to "help", however when it comes to emotionial things, men may not be the best place to start. A flat tire is another story. When all of us seek a partner we look for strong traits (sub consciencely) to carry on to the next generation. Your boyfirend may see your depression as a weakness, and it is OK to be weak, again I say at times. You may have felt him pull away, (All men go into a cave to work things out, they are not like women, we talk things out) and now are worried. Start a diary, write down all that you feel and all that you wish you could say. Second, I say go out and do something. You may be depressed, but you can be helpful to others, a Retirment Home, a Veterans Hospital, Animal Shelter, Homeless Shelter, ETC. Your boyfirend will see that you are taking steps to overcome your depression and view it as a strenght.
That said, when it comes to relationships, only invest what you are willing to lose! (Dr Phil) Let him chase you, don't stalk him! Also, women have a strong sence when it come to things that are not being said. In the past 6 months, what is really not being said? 1/2 of your time with your boyfirend you are experiencing problems. I feel that you are not happy, but don't want to hurt him?? Maybe you need to write it down what you really want in a relationship and see how your relationship is measuring up. Let me remind you that the percentage of people finding their soul mate at 19 is like what 3%??
Some food for thought. Also, don't stay in a relationship simply because of the monthly mile markers, it should be the quality that you get out of the relations that keeps you in them, remember Titantic - the movie. Also it is OK to break you own heart to be happy. It may feel strange at first, because all new things seem strange, but it takes trying new things, for them to become normal. Nobody was born walking!
OK so I talked about the depression, the relationship, now what about you? You are reaching out into cyberspace for comfort, advice and reasurrance. Jesus has Loving Everlasting arms streched out to you, He wants to spend time with you to comfort you and encourage you. I would like to encourge you to hear his call for you, he is looking for his lost daughter, YOU! Turn to Him, and He will go before you in all sitiuations, making a path for you. Pick up the closest Bible, and ask God, simply to show you Jesus, through the Holy Spirit, and don't put it down, until something inside is diffrent or strange. Remember new things feel strange until they become normal. As far as getting better, I don't know if this will help, but I do know that you sound like every other 19 year old out there (including me when I was that age) Unsure, insecure, and afraid of the unknown. You can be 100 years onld and still have these same feeling. Having Jesus in your life, will help make these visits to the valley more bearable, he'll be there to comfort, love, and hel you. Then on the climb up the mountian, you will be standing by His side shouting praises to Him, and able to help Him pull someone else out of the valley you just came out of. Be Blessed, and know Jesus Loves you!
2006-08-12 17:00:27 · answer #5 · answered by sweathogwife 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't take it to heart when he jerks off. All guys do it. A guy can have the most beautiful woman in the world... He'll still do it.
Get over it! It has nothing to do with you! It's a guy thing.
You have to let him have his space. You can't smother the guy. That will push him away. Mellow out! If he says he loves you,
stop stressing!
2006-08-12 16:31:25 · answer #6 · answered by ALAN K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to calm down and relax! I am sorry you are so scared! You should try to just enjoy your life! You won't keep a person by controlling them! You have to let you and let life play out the way GOD intends for it to happen! At any rate ~~PLEASE start living!! STOP the worry! PLEASE!? I will pray for YOU! bye
2006-08-12 16:21:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
when a guy masturbates, it is not a replacement for you. it is natural. his hand was attached to him before you were. if he is doing that instead of you, there is a problem. i don't think he is. hope you get the meds you need. god bless.
2006-08-12 17:47:06 · answer #8 · answered by sinned 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok u sound like a fun girl just tell him what is going on and just work it out with him.U WILL BE FINE.
2006-08-12 16:27:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are depressed. so is everyone.
i drink and use cocain with weed. i feel better then.
get a girl to come over and all 3 of you have sex with each other while high and drunk.
2006-08-12 16:23:25 · answer #10 · answered by Nick M 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋