my son is stealing. He is seven. what do i do to stop this?

Question

He stils money from my pocket book. He has done this three times in the past two weeks.

Answer 1

First, because he obviously cannot resist the temptation, don't leave your bag around where he can get at it. That will stop him from taking your money, but it won't get to the root of any "issue" he may have - which could either be minor or major, depending on whether the stealing gets worse or not.

He's only 7. There's something about money that makes him really want it badly. The program 20/20 once had a piece on about how they tested people's abilities to resist temptation. They found that children who were denied cookies for a very long time were less able to resist the temptation to swipe one (after being told not to) than were the children who hadn't been deprived for as long.

Maybe when your son was six he wasn't brave enough to steal from you or maybe he didn't feel as if he needed whatever it is money will give him (purchasing power, just a feeling of having some money, whatever it is). To a child, a wallet full of money looks like someone can buy anything they want in the world. Sometimes, too, a child can find coins attractive or "paper dollars" attractive and important-looking.

My first instinct was to wonder if the problem is more serious because he was willing to steal from his own mother, but I remembered how kids can sometimes be raised to feel so sure that their mother would give them anything they can possible give them, they can sometimes blur the lines of where "what's mine is yours" stops.

If it were my child I'd talk to him casually about how you can't take whatever you want from other people or stores. I'd tell him I understood that maybe he didn't think I'd mind, but I do. I'd try to bring up the right and wrong and the issue of being someone who can be trusted to ask and not just take whenever I had a chance, but I wouldn't do it as a lecture. A nice chat in a low-key way would be better.

Also, for now I'd keep an eye on him in stores and try not to let him have the opportunity to do any stealing. This recent thing he's done could be just a short phase of bad judgment, but why not reduce the opportunity for him to add to it.

Be direct and calm and cool about "just announcing" that this is unacceptable, but don't act like he's got some deep problems or like he's going to end up in prison. He may already feel horrible about his inability to control the urge to take the money, and he needs to know that you know this was just a stupid thing a kid does sometimes and he's not "branded for life" in your eyes.

He wants that money. He's taken it three times. There's something that is making him think he has to have it. It probably isn't as simple as he'd like to buy stuff with it. It could more be a matter of his inability to resist the temptation of taking something he thinks will make him feel better in some way. I'd try asking him if his friends do things with their parents that he wishes he could do with his. Ask if he could change how things are what he'd change. Ask if he wishes he had something he doesn't have or if he had more time with you or his father or both alone if he'd be happier. Try to see if you can get him to talk about something that may be eating at him in his life. Still, even with that, he may not know what it is that's missing from his life even if it is making him feel frustrated or even sad.

Maybe he's looking for something that will make him feel good for even just a short time or else feel a little more powerful because he knows he has either the money or a secret or both.

He may never steal again or he may. He may not have realized that its as big a deal as it is or he may be well aware that he's doing something very wrong. Regardless, I would pay attention to whether or not there is something that's making him not quite happy right now. It could be something as simple as not having anything special - special attention, a special treat just for him, or the occasional special toy.

Children often steal at one time or another. It doesn't mean he's headed for prison. It just means he's not able to resist temptation. That's - if there's any issue - is, I think, the root of the problem. (Of course, I could be wrong. I don't know him or you, and I"m not psychic!!)

The thing about removing the temptation right now doesn't mean that for the rest of time you'll have to lock up your stuff. Its just a temporary solution until he outgrows this money thing he seems to have.

Even if he never steals again, though, the matter of whether or not there's something that he needs (attention, some material thing, freedom to do something, peace and quiet, friends, feeling accomplished, etc.) in order not to feel so frustrated he just can't resist temptation; then you don't want him to go through his childhood longing for something....

Again, maybe I have no idea what's going on with him. I'm just offering what I know about frustration and temptation and children's needs in general......

Answer 2

First of all I can't believe the amount of people that would immediately hit their child!!

secondly only one other person has picked up on the fact that he may be stealing for a reason.
You need to understand why he is feeling the need to steal in the first place. Is he being bullied? Is he seeking attention?

By all means punish him by removing his things or grounding him so he is unable to spend any money but more importantly find out why he is doing it in the first place.
Talking to a policeman is a good idea if you can see no other reason for him stealing other than because he enjoys it. A short shock could work for him.

Take him out somewhere where you are both relaxed and bring up the subject with him telling him how you feel when he steals. Advise him that if he wants something he should ask and if he does some jobs around the house for you, he can earn the money and everyone will be happy.
Allow him to talk and express how he feels. What can be very silly to us can be extremely important to a 7 year old. Listen to him before passing judgement.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Tell your husband, and ask him to sit down with both you and your son to have a talk. Explain that stealing is wrong, and if he wants something he needs to ask. Tell him that there are better ways to get money other than stealing, like doing extra chores around the house, selling the toys he doesn't use, setting up a lemonade stand, etc. When you're telling him that what he did was bad, make sure he knows that the behaviour was bad, but he isn't a bad person.

Once he understands what his other choices were, and that stealing was not a good choice, tell him that he will have to earn back the money he stole. After he has given back the money, if he doesn't repeat this behaviour, you might consider giving him an allowance. This will prevent him from stealing from your wallet, because he will have money of his own.

Answer 4

If it were my son, he would not have stolen from my purse the second time. You should call your local P.D. and an officer may be able to talk to your son either at the station or at your home and put the fear of God into him. He needs to be stopped immediately. Does he get an allowance, if he does and it is time for his "payday," refuse to pay him and tell him that you know he has taken money out of your purse. What is he doing with the money he is stealing? He needs to be confronted about this immediately. When I was a bit older than this, I was out shopping with my mother and a friend of mine and we (my friend and I) thought it would be fun to start playing with the plastic play fruit which was kind of a plastic or rubbery consistency. Well, we were kind of popping them back and forth at each other, which my Mom quickly put a stop to. My friend and I had put some in our jacket pockets while we were playing around. When my Mom paid for her purchases, and we were leaving the store, my friend and I started "popping" the remaining fruit at each other. My Mom then realized that we both had these items from the store in our pockets and she basically marched us back into the store, to the store manager and made us hand him the items and apologize for stealing from the store. Needless to say, neither her or I have ever stolen anything from anyone ever again, over 3 decades later. I can still feel how embarrassed I was. Your son needs to feel this. Best of luck.

Answer 5

First he needs to be disciplined for it. A spanking worked for me when I was his age, but if you are not comfortable with that take away some privilege he really loves.
Secondly make him do chores around the house that are not usually his responsibility. Pay a small amount for each thing and keep a record you both can see until ALL the money he stole is paid back.(No forgiving the debt) When all money is paid back he gets his privilege back- NOT BEFORE. (I am emphasizing because many parents fall into the trap of not following through, leading to children that figure they can get away with anything if they whine hard enough.)
If you do this he will learn not to steal and that things don't come free in life but must be earned. Catch him early and teach him this and he and the world will thank you later.

Answer 6

You need to hide your pocket book and your husband needs to do the same thing. Put a jar out and every time he does something reward him with some change to fit what he has done. Tell him the next time he decides to steal again you take his money and take it to your local good will or your city crisis center . I done that just a few times and it embarrassed him so much he stopped...hope this helps!!!

Answer 7

Hide your money from now on, and talk to him. Ask him why he is stealing it from you. Tell him if he is in trouble you will help him. Keep the lines of communication open. Your son is stealing for a reason. It might just be to buy gum at the store and he knew you would say no, but stealing is stealing. Good luck

Answer 8

lock your money up! in a room... try an allowance. I bet he wants/needs money, but is too afraid to ask. Im sure he woudl be willing to work for it too...

also, your child may need a little more than getting caught. i know lots of people that steal and most of them have been caught once or twice and STILL do it... go the extra mile and keep your eye on him 24/7. I also dont suggest spanking or
hurting him physically. good luck...

oh yea, and if he steals from a store, DONT take him to the manager... if the manager didnt know to begin with, that may be best because if the manager finds out, he may want to take legal action, making the whole thing bigger than it has to be(you will have to pay a fine for your child, making it worse for you, but not for your child.)

Answer 9

It could be a phase or is there something he needs or wants? also does he know what he is doing is wrong? He just might be copying you i.e. when you need to buy something you go to you pocketbook and take out $$ - he might want to buy something.

try this - there are certain age appropriate chores he can do at home - set up a list and give him an allowance, its never too soon to teach children about money and the first lesson is not to steal from mama!!

Are you religious? Try the 10 commandments.

good luck, :)

Answer 10

I would start stealing from him. Several times a day, start removing things from his room - at first little things, and stash them in a bag. Make sure no one in the house tells. After about a week, take a few things that are really meaningful to him, and that he will miss. Trust me, he will get the message, once this "game" is over, you explain things to him and that you are donating some of the "stolen" items to charity so other kids can have them. Good luck!

Answer 11

Not only take back the amount he took but make him do chores to pay restitution. Tell him he is grounded until he pays back the full amount plus the restitution. Then maybe make him do a report about the affects of stealing, consciences and why he shouldn't do it in the future. At 7 1 full hand written page should be good.