Should I pull my daughter from her daycare?

Question

my daughter started her first day of daycare on Tuesday. She is 4 years old and always had a family friend watch her, and she hadsnot ever been to a daycare. So on Tuesday when I picked her up she said that two 6 year old girls were throwing wood chips at her( the playground area is all bark chips) when they were outside. No big deal, I told myself, they are kids. So the next day she says that the girls kept telling her she was a boy, and she couldn't play on their team. I was a little mad (she has short hair), but thought, ok, I knew she would get teased with short hair, and I told her when she wanted it cut it may happen. So I didn't make a deal about it. So the third day, I go in to pick her up, and right as I am about to say her name, a girl sitting in the chair across from her, reaches over, grabs a handful of my daughter's hair, and yanks her head. I was pissed. Now my daughter who wanted to go to school so bad now hates school, and is begging not to go back. What should I do???

Answer 1

Go immediately to the teacher and/or director and tell her all that you have put here. They need to deal with these aggressive kids. Yes, kids can be like that, but it doesn't make it OK. And it shouldn't make you pull your child or your child miserable. They need to deal with this, and if you don't tell them they won't. 95% of bullying behavior happens when no adult is looking (this is an actual statistic from a scientific study), so if the adults aren't told they can't put a stop to it.

Answer 2

Go directly to the director of the daycare and explain all that has happened, just as you have here. There should be no reason why these little 6 yr old girls aren't getting into some kind of trouble about the way they are "bullying" your daughter. I would try that before you pull your daughter from the school. If things do not change, or the inappropriate behavior has not stopped, then I would consider pulling her. The parents of the other girls need to be notified. If I found out that my child was doing this he would be a quite a bit of trouble. At the age that these girls are at, there should be no reason why the behavior is being accepted. My thought is that it is being done when the teacher is not looking. As a teacher of 30 5th graders, I know that many times the "bullies" do their dirty work when my back is turned or when they are in unstructured places.

Answer 3

I would be upset too. I would definitely expect the teacher to talk to the parent of the child that pulled your daughters hair. Kids can be mean but maybe she is in a group which she is not supposed to be in. I thought a 6 year old would be in 1st grade. What is she doing in daycare. Unless it;s an all age daycare. Short hair shouldn't have been a problem I would think that alot of little girls at age 4 would have short hair. Did you check this day care out, etc. When does she start kindergarten? Encourage your child to go to daycare(school) and if there is a different age group get her to that. Hope your little girl is o.k. Talk with her and Love Love Love her. Good luck

Answer 4

Talk to her teacher. As a preschool teacher, this is pretty typical behavior you are seeing when children this age are in care together. I would be concerned with the child who was pulling her hair, but the wood chips and the teasing stuff is typical of the age. Going to daycare is always an interesting endeavor... I am wondering about the staff to child ratio- perhaps there is not enough staff to be able to keep their eye on everyone. Ask her teacher about how many teachers are out on the playground with the children and how many are in the classroom. If there is not adequate supervision, this could be one reason that things are happening at school. Being able to manage conflicts and deal with social situations is a part of being in preschool. Your daughter will have to deal with these issues no matter where she goes. However, if you feel that it is a safety issue (not enough supervision) talk to the director and express your concerns.

Answer 5

The public school system is full of stuff like this. You child will have to deal with these type of things the rest of their childhood. It's very sad. The school teacher should be watching better, but what can you expect from a school that has 1 teacher for 30 kids?
Homeschooling is a nice alternative for atleast the first few years until your child is older and can defend herself better. Or you could look around for a better school with a better teacher/student ratio. If this is something that has been happening continously then there's really no reason to think that mentioning it to the teacher is going to change anything. It might get the older children in trouble which could actually make them pick on your daughter harder and more secretly.
What happens to your daughter now will determine her attitude toward school for the rest of her life. And she should not be subjected to this every day. If she is not comfortable in that school, I would seriously think about changing the school.

Answer 6

Let the ppl in charge know that what you saw on top of all the teasing your daughter is telling you about is very disturbing to you and ask them if they can keep a better eye on the situation. Physical hitting or pulling hair etc. is something thats gonna happen, but can & should be controlled better than alot of the other teasing. Give them a chance to put a stop to it, but let don't shy away from letting them know that you can find another daycare where they don't allow children to be physically violent twards eachother.

Answer 7

Talk to the teacher, or better yet, the Director. They should not be allowing that kind of behavior under any circumstances. How did you pick the daycare. Was it recommended to you by anyone. If you do decide to take her out of the school check out several, (go and observe), before you put her in another one. Make sure they have an "open door" policy ie parents can come in (with a password) at any time and go straight to their child's classroom without waiting. Good Luck

Answer 8

go to the daycare provder with your list of concerns and ask for a recollection of what happened, what actions were taken against these girls, what they did to alleviate your child's pain, etc. Be very firm with the provider. And state clearly that the repricutions from the bullies are that your child no longer wants to go to school and you will not allow her to go to that facility any more. However, you expect them to come up with a list of ideas on how to best get your child through the anxieties that were created due to the experiences that she went through in their learning facility.
Tell your daughter that was a bad school and that the both of you wll go and vsit new schools. Stay with her at the new school during play times so that she can see that it is safe. Let her play with others during that time. Go back a couple of times and make sure it is at really fun times and that the daycare provider understands the trauma that she went through.

Answer 9

Talk with her daycare provider about what has been happening.They should start to keep a better eye on it. I think I would go and observe the daycare for about an hour. Watch how her teacher handles these types of situations. Does she notice? Does she help? If not, pull her out. These things do happen in many schools. Some schools are just better than others at handling these types of things.

I suggest you arrange some play dates with these girls one on one in your home. They are less likely to tease once they know her and your daughter will feel more comfortable wit them.

Help your daughter to learn to express herself. Talk with her about an incident. "That must have hurt! You must be so (angry, hurt, upset, mad, frustrated)!" Tell her it is okay for her to tell these girls the same.

Let your daughter know that you have talked with her daycare provider. It may help if she is aware that her teacher knows what has been happening.

She may simply resist going back. You don't want to force it because you don't want her to have a negative attitude towards school. If you decide not to send her back, check out some Montessori programs in your area. Many Montessori school are great with classroom management and have a peaceful environment.

Answer 10

Talk to the daycare provider. She's being picked on and the person(s) in charge need to be aware and put a stop to it. I don't recommend pulling her out of the school though. She'll be teased many times throughout her school career and she can't change schools every time this happens. Also talk to your daughter about how to deal with bullies.

Answer 11

Before you pull her out-switch her classroom. Even if it means going down a bit to the 3 yr old class or up a bit to the higher 5 yr old class. Don't torture your child. If it was a separation issue I'd say leave her there.

But if she is crying because of the other kids, try to get her class changed. If there is no improvement, ask for your deposit back (it is a school error for not overseeing the classroom activity properly) and find a new daycare.