Should he be able to go to the bar?

Question

Poestalker
Level 3
Whos right & Whos wrong?
Situation: My bf, 25, has a old HS buddy he met with on myspace. They don't exchange comments, etc. Yesterday he came home saying he was going to hang out with him sometime. I said no.

- The friend is single and goes to bars constantly
- His myspace profile is filled with girls and all that crap

So seeing that his friend is also 25, and going to bars I assume that he is just looking to get layed by someone new every weekend.

I told my bf no, and he said we'll talk about it later. Am I right or am I wrong?

*we live together, and are making plans to get engaged our next birthdays, so it's a serious relationship not a flimsy one*

I don't trust him because hes unresponsible.

Answer 1

If I were your boyfriend I would look for the nearest exit sign and get out of the relationship with you.
Obviously you have "trust" issues going on,and a big jealousy streak which will eventually ruin your relationship with him if it hasn't already.
I am sure you and him have had fights about you not trusting him before.
It reminds me of this girl I used to live with after I was divorced ,she was the one that eventually I couldn't trust because of her drinking mainly.
You don't own the person you are living with ,and what gives you the right to interfere with friends that he had before he met you?
i guess he can't bring his friend to your house because you "wouldn't" approve and make his friend feel uncomforatable.
That is why he is probably meeting him at a bar to get away from you..plain and simple.
I had friends before I was involved with this girl I was living with,and she treated him unkindly when he and his fiance came ito town because of his mother's death.
That was the icing on the cake for me,when I discovered that the girl I was living with wasn't the person for me,if she could not trust me to have any other friends besides her.
I think you are very immature to think that you "own" your boyfriend" and believe me after you are married it will only get worse...I don't really think you are going to change either ..because I know my ex girlfriend is doing it to the guy she is with now and I am sure he is regretting getting involved with her.
If you don't trust him and he's unresponsible that leave him and find someone that will do whatever you say..good luck in that happening.
Don't make him feel like he can't have his own life ,because he did have a life before you..whether you like it or not and you have to respect that.
Whenever we were out together ,and i was having a good time,she wanted to go home.but when she was having a good time it was another story.
There were many ruined weekends ,and outings because of her and I regret the time that I was with her ..it was wasted time.
I know you don't that want to happen with your relationship with your boyfriend or you will regret losing him because of your insane jealousy. You jealousy is out of control believe me..maybe you can't see it that way,but I can..very clearly.
let him go and have fun..give him space to do what he wants to do..he lives with you for christs sake,,he will be coming home to you..not some slut in a bar...What is wrong with you?
If you were a good girlfriend you would tell your boyfriend to invite him over for dinner and have drinks at home or all go out together..What is so wrong about that ..?..
You must live on the East Coast because it is not like that out here in Colorado..,,and I know because I used to live on the East Coast..

Answer 2

Why would you want to marry someone that is unresponsible?

I could consider everything that you said and it would still come down to that question. Afterall, a man will cheat if he wants too..and it doesn't matter if he has a partying friend or not.

I would suggest letting him make his own decisions. He at least told you he wanted to meet w/his friend. He is sharing his interests and thoughts.

What his friend does with his time is irrelevant. What matters is the relationship that you have with your man. If you think marriage is about controlling or preventing him from doing something stupid...you will lose in the long run. Really. Because a man does what he wants...and it is he that will decide if he wants to marry you or cheat on you.

I don't want to say you are wrong...because no one would want her boyfriend in a situation of temptation. But that may not be what would happen and if it was...so what? You want your man to marry you because he wants too. So let him enjoy being free.

Afterall, freedom has a price. Even that kind of freedom. When he is ready for a mature relationship he will choose it...and you won't need to beg. He will settle down when he is ready. Just trust him to make the right choice. You have to TRUST him for good things to happen.

Answer 3

First of all, if you don't trust him, you shouldn't be considering marriage. You do not own your boyfriend, and he has every right to go to a bar with whomever he chooses. He is NOT his friend, and spending time with him does not mean he will pick up his buddy's habits. You must give him room and trust that he wouldn't do anything to hurt you; otherwise, a marriage is out of the question (I've got news for you... boys' nights continue to exist well beyond the alter)! Let's face it, if he is looking to cheat, he will find a way regardless of whether you 'allow' him to hang out with his friend or not. Telling him no will accomplish nothing but provide him with ammunition. The bottom line: a relationship is not about control, and you are way out of bounds.

Answer 4

This sure sounds like a trust issue, lack of respect, and the inability to understand what a relations needs to last.

Each relationship is built on the trinity factor.. You have your individual life, He has his, and you both have one together. Each must not only trust the other inorder to allow this, but they both must also respect the joining of 2 lives as one.

there are no other choices if you want your relationship to grow deeper as you grow old together.

Answer 5

You controlling person you. Shame on you for thinking that you are boss of the relationship. If you're boyfriend can't be trusted then is he really worth being with? Or are you just so insecure about yourself that it results into the control of others in order to prevent anything that threatens your delusional sense of stability?

Answer 6

He can go wherever he wants. If you can't trust him to go to the bar, why o why would you ever marry him? And what do you mean by unresponsible? You mean irresponsible?

Answer 7

i think u should trust him..let him go u guys are about the get engaged have a little fun(im not saying go mess around) give him a little space

Answer 8

if you don't trust him then you and him have NO relationship let him go out if a man wants to fool around he will no matter how many times ou try and stop him

Answer 9

yes 21 and not 21 matters

Answer 10

i think your wrong.let him go! you have to be able to trust each other or it isn't going to work.on the same night,make plans with your girlfriends to go out on the town.put the leash away or you will be lonely..