I cant seem to fight these inner problems, should my kids be as important as my sisters, cause there not?

Question

I am the oldest of three, i have a brother who is great no problems but my sister (uhhhhhhh). She alway recives Preferential treatment from my parents she can do any thing and its ok for example when she was 16 she ran away and hooked up with this guy, my parents found out about him and she told my mom that she wished she would just die (at the time my mom had breast cancer) she hated her she want to marry this guy . Well none the less she got her way. After she had my nephew she decided that she didnt want him no more after over a year she calls my mom and tells her she wants to come home!(what kind of crap is that) Well she did it didnt take long for her to be messing with some new guy she got mad at my parents cause they wanted her to acted like a mom so 2 days before Christmas she took of and gave her son to the dad and said im not ready to be a mom. 6 months after that shes moving back in! Now her kid is the one getting it all, what about my kids shoulnt they get treated equal?

Answer 1

Yes they should be treated the same. Chances are your parents are trying to make up for your sisters lack of good parenting and trying to make her kids feel special. Realize life isnt always fair and people make mistakes. You are an adult. It is up to you to let your children know that they are loved just as much but that Grandma and Grandpa just are trying to help the other grandchildren feel better cause maybe they dont get as much love anywhere else.

And there is no law that you have to have your kids around them as much. Your children are YOUR responsibility and it is up to you to teach them self respect and to know that they are vaulable and loved very much and that sometimes even when people dont mean to they can be unfair. But to try not to let it bother them but know that You think they are soooooooo wonderful.

Then talk to your parents and let them know how you see things and how your children feel. Let them know that you will do whatever you have to to protect your children even if it means limiting how often they come over if they do not make a big effort to correct their behavior.

You are not a child anymore. And your children need to know that even in an unfair world Mom and Dad will always be there for them and you will take care of them. Which kinda sounds like what your parents are trying to do for your sister but in a codependant sorta way.

Kathy

Answer 2

They should all be treated the same but they won't be as long as your sister is acting like a child herself. I went through this with my parents and finally after another time of my son being upset over something I went off and let out exactly how I felt and when I did their were a lot of tears and my mom told me that she loved me and my kids but she felt like she HAD to do it for my sisters kids because their mom wouldn't. It made more sense when it was put like that. My parents knew that my kids would be taken care of and have what they needed blah blah blah whereas my sister who was strung out on crack had two girls that were just there. Then I started to sit and think and saw that if my parents didn't do it all these kids would have nothing. Sit down with your parents and tell them that you can see that they feel they have to do things for your nephew and that they love him but you also have kids that need their grandparents as well and it hurts all of you for them not to be a part of their lives. Communication is the best thing here and don't make it seem like you are jealous, and be glad that you can do better by your kids than your sister does hers.

Answer 3

It's possible her son is getting treated with kids gloves because of the situation your sister has put him in. Whereas your children probably have a very loving and stable household and both parents( I assume) your sister's son is constantly being shuffled back and forth and doesn't have a very stable life. Your parents are probably just showing him a little more compassion for him. Just my opinion, I'm not actually there to see how your sister treats her son, but it can't be very good. Especially if at one point she said she wasn't ready to be a mom.

Answer 4

Yes, your children should be treated the same. So? Life isn't fair, and people, including parents do stupid things, and sort of fall into roles. Perhaps your parents have decided that your sister IS needy, and requires more help and attention. Sis needs to grow up, and be responsible. Try to believe that your parents are actually paying you a compliment. They may feel that since YOU are adult, and capable of taking care of your kids, they can try to provide that which your sister doesn't.

Answer 5

Absolutely, your kids should be treated equally. However our perceptions may be different from those of our parents. It is commonplace to see parents giving more attention to their problem child than to their successful and well to do children. Some parents may have a soft corner to one of their children for vague reasons.

The pampered child syndrome is a serious cause for concern.

Dr. Mamen writes in her Preface, “We live in a child-centered society where children’s wants and demands are increasingly being given priority over marital or family harmony, financial considerations, parental sanity, common courtesy, quiet enjoyment, respect, and common sense.” She is quick to point out that pampered children are not just enjoying frequent shopping sprees at the toy store. These are children who are not given any limits by their parents. No amount of time or sacrifice by their parents is ever enough. Such parents are usually loving and well-intentioned but have no idea how much damage they are causing. The child will grow-up socially dysfunctional, expecting the world to coddle them. One of the defining characteristics of Pampered Child Syndrome is that both parent and child factors have come together to mimic other well-known psychiatric and psychological diagnoses. The condition is often misdiagnosed as depression, anxiety, ADHD, bipolar disorder or Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Dr. Mamen’s book can help parents recognize and undo the damage caused by Pampered Child Syndrome.

Maggie Mamen, Ph.D is a clinical psychologist with more than 20 years’ experience working with children and their parents. Born and raised in London, she now lives in Canada. She is the author of Who’s in Charge? A Guide to Family Management and Laughter, Love & Limits: Parenting for Life.

You should consider yourself lucky that you are not pampered. Your children will grow up to become better adults than the pampered one. Be happy, don't worry.

Answer 6

Yes, your kids should be treated just as well as her kid. I'd talk to your parents about it and how it makes you feel. I imagine that they feel that they have to treat her son better, since he isn't getting the love and care from his mother like he should, but that still isn't fair to you or your children. Just, please do not take it out on your nephew, as I was in much of what your nephew is going through now when I was a child, and my aunts and uncles seemed to resent me for that and it really hurt me.

Answer 7

Your kids should be treated equally by their grandparents, but maybe they don't because they know that you take care of your kids. They probably feel obligated to your sister's child because she's always running in and out of her son's life and not being a good mom to him. I know it's hard cuz by kids are in the same boat with a grandmother who doesn't treat them the same as my sister's kids, but I am thankful that they have me and ultimately that is all they need.

Answer 8

God, it all too familiar. I have three brothers an I am the only girl. My mom is always finding a way to put a wedge in my relationships with them out of her jealousy to completley have them all to herself She has breast cancer too. An I am the one she expect to do everything for her . She doesn,t want to ask them for anything so as not to put them out. While I am over ther raking leaves,clening out the garage, doing her grocery shopping etc. I see big boxes sitting around which contai n expesive gifts she orders for them on home shooping networks. But I am in a financial bind, getting ready to lose the roof over my head and she doesn't care to offer help.I am single and have no one, my brothers are all married and have money. my mother is widowed and has money. [e-mail] I raised three kids alone and she did nothing but was always there for my brothers kids.

Answer 9

No your kids should be treated as equally as the others, but maybe your parents feel as though they need more love because of the way your sister has been a bad mother to them.

Answer 10

no. you raise your kids properly, not the way she is. if you give them "equal" treatment"they will become JUST LIKE your sister and her kid, which is something you really dont want. discipline your nephew as well. your sister...well she is probably a lost cause until something reall bad happens to her (STD, rape, abusive partner, etc). and how much of a beotch does someone have to be to say to your dying mother tat she wishes she would die? thats messed up. yiu should have decked her right then and there (i would have). and i agree with Candi H, all of you need help