here is the deal, my mother is mentally ill. that has been the cause for all of the child abuse she subjected me and my sisters. when she was 7 years old she was sexually abused and because of that she does not trust men. she did not have boyfriends , even now, because she would say that the men wanted to date her to get to us. my mother says to me, becareful of men because men are men and they are dirty. when they have an urge, it doesn't matter who you are they'll get you. she thinks that i should not allow my 15 year old sister-in-law wear shorts or skirts around my husband because he'll get an erection. so she is messed up. ok, so i have a daughter, 3, and my mother ahs never liked the fact that my husband would change her diapers and give her baths. anyone with a daughter with a poopie diaper knows you gotta get in there. she reported him to cps because she said he was abusing her. the charges were dropped, now she is not allowed in my home or in my car. i have no idea what to do.
2006-08-12 03:37:39 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
As much as we may love someone, it is our responsibility to protect ourselves and our children emotionally. You are very lucky that you have been able to move past your mothers paranoia. However, you need to keep her away from your children so that she doesn't manipulate them into a "weird" way of thinking. There is a fine line between precaution and paranoia. It's going to be very hard but you should consider for the sake of your family to not speak to her or have contact with her, until she seeks serious mental health and medication.
2006-08-12 03:51:26 · answer #1 · answered by Candi H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can fully understand your decision, mental illness is a difficult thing to deal with. Your mom has serious issues that need to be dealt with, she has not gotten over the abuse that she sustained as a child. Compound that with mental illness and that is a very serious problem. She needs to get some psychiatric help, counseling for the past abuse and meds for her mental issues. Maybe once she has done that she will be able to learn how to trust that your husband is not going to hurt your children. Until that happens your husband and children are going to have to be your first priority and if your mom is causing problems then she can't be part of your life right now. I'm feel bad for you because that is a lot of stress you are under right now, especially with a new baby coming soon. Try not to dwell on it, I know that it is easier said then done, but you really need to concentrate on yourself right now. I wish you all the luck with the birth of a healthy baby and hopefully you can get your mom some help so she can be part of your life.
2006-08-12 06:45:09 · answer #2 · answered by latingirl0527 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your 150% right. I have the same problem with my mother and when I had my son 10 years ago I thought letting her in the room with me and being a part of the whole process would be good for her. BOY WAS I WRONG!!! Do what is right for your family ,even if it is hard. Your kids and husband come first now not your mother.
2006-08-12 03:59:06 · answer #3 · answered by shikk79 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course she should be banned. If she wants to see the baby, give her pictures. She has some sort of phobia or disorder, keep her away.
I was in the same boat. Both of my parents were very verbally and physically abusive to me when I was young, so I keep my daughter away from them. They know my feelings and are upset by it, but this is MY daughter and I will not allow then to 'poison' her with their anger and bitterness towards the world.
You have to break the cycle, no matter the cost, do you understand? You have to break the cycle.
2006-08-12 03:47:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell your mother that until she recieves some counseling and gets on the proper medication..she will not be allowed around your children.She also owes your husband an apology.If she wants to be a part of her grand-children's lives,she will take the proper steps to get the help she needs.Congrats on your "soon to be a MOM again" status.God Bless you and your family..(Mom included.Good Luck!
2006-08-12 03:52:16 · answer #5 · answered by mrssmokestack003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is better that ur mother is not allowed. When u know that she is not thinking or acting in her right sense why would u want to take the risk. So, no need to feel guilty. Just concentrate and prepare for the delivery. Advance Congrats and may god bless u.
2006-08-12 03:44:56 · answer #6 · answered by skr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may think that your mother is crazy ...and you may be right. I must defend her on this though.....men are men ....honey they will screw a hole in the ground ...as long as it was tight enough..why do you think there are so many sexually disfunctional PEOPLE in this world today ....Fathers , brothers ,uncles ,grandfathers.....are sexually abusing members of their family ....male and female alike...its been going on for hundreds of years ...it is just something that people choose to sweep under the rug...unfortunately...but it is real...now I'm not saying that this is true of all situations ..there are some upstanding , decent men in this world who choose not to go down that path...like your husband. .......hopefully. Keep an eye on your husband and the 15yr. old though....u just never know...don't put anything past anyone.....and never be too damn trusting....anytime you do ...u are guaranteed some pain ....so love him, be a good wife ....just don't be stupid.
2006-08-12 04:56:32 · answer #7 · answered by Ty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The last thing you and your baby need is stress during delivery. Continue with your plans to ban her from the delivery room, because she cannot get the proper help she needs to give you support at that time. But after you and your baby are home and back to a sense of normalcy you should definately try to help your mother with her problems. I am sorry that you have to deal with this.
2006-08-12 03:47:07 · answer #8 · answered by kindofkitty 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you are doing the right thing. She needs some professional help in overcoming her anxiety towards men. I would not trust her around my kids and certainly wouldn't want her in the delivery room. Don't feel guilty for banning her..you are only doing what you feel is right for your family.
Good luck with birth!
2006-08-12 03:45:02 · answer #9 · answered by georgia1980 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You go, girl. It's your body, your baby, your delivery and you have the right to say who sees you on that delivery table bringing that wonderful little life into this world.
Don't let it bother you, you don't need the extra stress and worry going into delivery, the only thing on your mind should be that precious little life.
Congratulations, good luck and have an easy delivery.
2006-08-13 01:34:06 · answer #10 · answered by wetsaway 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋