A major factor in her distress is leaving her new boyfriend (her 1st real love). It's not likely that they will see each other but maybe once or twice between now and Christmas. Words of wisdom for how to comfort her?
2006-08-12 02:13:57 · 11 answers · asked by shansn1963 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I guess the reality of it is that alot of relationships don't survive the move to college - if they're going to be separated that does make it difficult. Plus, him being her first real love. I think it's great however that she's got such a wonderful, supportive and caring parent who feels for her to the point of seeking help dealing with her anxiety.
You too must be feeling some of that yourself - it's difficult when one of your babies leaves the nest, no matter how old they are. It's still like going through their first days of school all over again. Now, I will point out here that I'm not a parent so I might come across as making up my knowledge. My area however is as a teacher and also someone who works in and is studying welfare (hopefully in my final year).
Perhaps if you share my experience with her it may give her some hope (not that I'm holding myself up as a pillar of salt type example - shining beacons and all etc).
I met the love of my life online (yes, I know, corny and all) and we stuck it out through some major difficult times - including me moving away to study for a number of years and even taking my first teaching job almost interstate. This November 14, we will be celebrating 10 years together as a couple and next January 31 we will be celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary.
So, it is possible for relationships to survive. Encourage her to look towards the positive, not to rush into things like clingy declarations of love that might push her boyfriend away, to break up with him without needing to.
Is there a major reason why they wouldn't see each other more than twice a year? Are there ways (ie, financial) for them to see each other more often?
I think that by being there for her as you have been and letting her know that just because she's going to college it doesn't mean she can never come back home - that kind of thing will always help. My parents and I always had an unspoken agreement that I could come and go as needed - even still now that I'm married - it's an open door policy. Perhaps help her think of her journey to college as a positive by helping buy her some stuff to spruce up her new dorm room (or wherever she'll be living) - some new bedding, a few posters - some cool college type stuff. If she hasn't got a cell phone, perhaps get her one with a plan that lets her call home - perhaps if you can afford to do so, buy her a plan that you pay into but that is one where she can call you whenever she needs to so she's not alone. Take some family photos and put them into a collage for her to take with her. That kind of stuff can really help and be of comfort to her.
Perhaps even sitting down and going down memory lane - looking at her old toys - bears etc if she still has them and then transitioning her to now - showing her she's come so far but she's not over the journey yet and that no matter what you'll be with her to keep enjoying the journey with her even if she's at college.
Also, when she goes to college, plan with her for the times she will return home - so she's got stuff to look forward to - dates by which to plan so the time goes faster for her.
Don't worry, once she gets to college she'll love it and be stress free - it's a fun experience and hopefully for your family, you, your daughter and her boyfriend it'll be a great time for all.
Best wishes, Meg
2006-08-12 02:34:28 · answer #1 · answered by ausbabe29_megan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
going to this college must be what she wanted to do BEFORE she met the boyfriend...there must be good reasons that are clouded now by her heart. bring her back to the "why" she made the decision to attend the particular college and remind her that there are other couples facing this same kind of separation every semester and it can be done. one of my friends dated the same girl all thru college and she was 200 miles away going to school also and then they married after grad.-going to school was the way they prepared for their careers for the benefit of their family. their courses of study did not fit well together at either school so each went to the best school for their choice. sometimes choices made are for the long range good. and once classes start, she would not have as much time to spend with him anyway as she did this summer. good luck
2006-08-12 03:16:22 · answer #2 · answered by Library Eyes 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When she actually gets to college, encourage her to get involved in campus activities, meet new people and enjoy the experience. Many students determine their whole college experience in their first 10 days away from home. If she gets involved and makes new friends, then her experience will be positive. Don't worry about the boyfriend, he will be making his own friends at his university. The time will fly and then it will be Christmas break before you know it. Good luck!
2006-08-12 02:18:34 · answer #3 · answered by m27jean 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I left for college a year ago, and I found that once I got there, and met new people it was easier to get over... if they are truly in love they will make it work no matter what!My boyfriend and I have!
2006-08-12 02:15:47 · answer #4 · answered by cheer8ko 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think this sorrow will last. Just give her some time to get settled into the new enviroment. Everyone has to go through it. I'm sure she can continue to communicate with the boyfriend if she wants.
2006-08-12 02:16:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just let her know that she can call him or email him anytime. He can come and see her too occasionally. Also, eventhough it's hard, tell her that if he really loves her, he will wait and vice versa. She will be too busy studying to worry about it too much. I went to college and went through the same thing.
2006-08-12 02:17:59 · answer #6 · answered by Thot77 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that college is good for her and her future ... that if friends stay true to one another, time away/separation will not hinder a true friendship ... that absence makes the heart grew fonder ... staying in touch/seeing one another in this modern world is no big deal (telephone, emails, webcam etc) ... that true friendship/love will waits but college WILL NOT. good luck.
2006-08-12 02:19:09 · answer #7 · answered by TK 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
call each other everyday, e-mail everydayl, tell her its good for a healthy relationship, to see how partners act, outside of eachother's presence.
2006-08-12 02:17:02 · answer #8 · answered by don1clamenza 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ABSTRACT POVERTY! Take her shopping she will get over him. That's what I have always done, works nicely!
2006-08-12 02:18:03 · answer #9 · answered by doesitmatter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her no matter what happens, you will always be there for her.
And she can always come home...
2006-08-12 02:15:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋