Why do women complain about how hard it is to stay home with kids?

Question

First off, I am father of three young boys. I have had full custody of my sons since March of 2004. It was a lengthy divorce battle and I won custody of my sons through overcoming some very trecherous and biased laws. Throughout my marriage to my ex-wife she always complained she had it harder at home and blah, blah, blah. Keep in mind, I worked 50+ hours a week and still came home and washed the cars, cut the grass, fixed broken household items, changed diapers...etc. She had trouble keeping the house clean and taking care of the kids. The dishes would be in the sink, laundry...something. Not to mention she didnt get up until 8 am, she could tell me what was on TV, she was her OWN boss, she didnt have a uniform to prepare...etc. Why the complaining?
MORE BELOW...

The first 4 weeks I had my sons full time I was on leave (I am military). My sons were 4, 2, and 11 months old at the time. They are now 7, 5, and 3 years. But, it was the easiest job I had. I got up at 730am and made my bed, threw in a load of laundry, woke up the boys at 8am, made cereal and a bottle, put the dishes in the dishwasher, got them dressed, they ate, I put the baby in his swing while I straightened up, made their beds. Basically I set a schedule and it was cake...no boss giving you orders, meals were planned out.....it seemed I had so much time to do so much more. I still cut the grass, cleaned the cars and I was normally at the beach by 1pm or at the park chillin. Now, they are in daycare and I have to wake them up, get the two older ones off to school, take the youngest to daycare and go to work. Then pick them up, come home, dinner...etc. My house is still clean...and guess what? My ex was ordered to pay NO CHILD SUPPORT and I still do it without a problem.

I am very attentive to my sons needs and they are very well taken care of. But, I hear ALOT of women saying it is harder at home than at a job. I think not. There are actually womens groups for these things....being overwhelmed, too much to do...etc. I have both to do and it still isnt that bad. My sons get hugs and kisses everyday, we play, do homework together...etc. I was raised by my father as well so maybe it was easy for me...I dunno. Maybe I handle alot of stress very well...who knows. Either way, home with the kids is alot easier than holding down a full time job. Doing both is hard...sure. But, I dont even get child support. Aint that a B?

Haha. No, I am not complaining...I am asking a question...Why do they complain about such an easy task? I dont want justification from her...I hear it at work all the time from other guys saying "My wife is complaining about how hard she has it", and so on. From personal experience I can say that a job is much harder. Unless you have some plush job and do nothing. I am in the military and that is anything but easy.

I am not taking away from mothers taking care of their family...but it is an observation. Watch Dr. Phil, Oprah...etc. They always take the side of that at home mother...insisting that the father should work all day, do outisde work AND help with inside chores. That isnt fair at all...not in my book.

YES, I have my sons on my OWN for 2 1/2 years now and goign strong. The biggest challenge was having the baby at only 11 months old...but I never felt overhwhelmed.

I can say one thing though, DAYCARE is OUTRAGEOUS. $1100.00 a month for all three.

Answer 1

Hoooah!

I am a military wife and a mother of 5 plus I have grand children. My goodness you have worked hard as a single father.

The only time that I really complained was to have time for myself. I spend all day at home now since I no longer work. I cook , I clean, I tend to the kids, I make them breakfast, lunch and dinner... I do laundry, Vacuume sweep and mop. Do the mending and sewing, council my kids when they don't get along. I disappline them when they are wrong and disrespectful. I do their hair I take care of the finances now that hubby has gone abroad. I do a lot, I will have to do more coming this winter and then and there I know it wont be easy, I will complain, I will fit but you know what I will get it done, because I need to, not that I have to but it needs to. We have horrid winters here and we get snowed in with packed snow drifts. I will be out there shoveling my vehicle out cause I know that I will need to take my kids to school. I know that I will need to go to work if I find a new job. But in the mean time, my kids come first. I will do what it takes to care for them protect them and guide them.

Once I know that I can have down time I go for it even if it costs me no sleep. I do somthing for me. Though rare an opportunity I do that when the time comes. I appreciate you so much for what you have done to raise your children. It takes a good strong hearted individual to do so. Not very many men can... so pat your self on the back and hug yourself for you have done well. Keep on keeping on! Hoooah!!

## Four of my children were in daycare. I spent 4560.00 a month in childcare!! Yes that is true. We live in a remote village/small town in Alaska, that is why it costs so much. I worked , my husband worked and when it was time to pay the baby sitter with my paycheck I would have 40-50 dollars left over. My husband got paid more then me and his check was used to pay the major bills. I used my paycheck to pay the sitter, that did not last long.. Basically I was working for the sitter.

I then decided to start my own daycare. I ran the daycare for a couple of years and that was not enough to pay even our other expenses. I sought work and got a new job. Kids were a bit older where they can take care of them selves. In one years time we went through heck trying to finda good baby sitter.

We went through 11 sitters in one year. We went through stress, frustration and stife. I had enough and now I stay home for now till I get a part time job when the kids start school.

With the Husband gone, I'm alone with the kids, the only thing I would be having a hard time with is the heavy duties of winter coming. Everything else I can handle. At least try my best. The thing I would mostly complain about is wanting a little time for myself.

I had to add that in. God bless you rebel77f150. I pray that things will get better for you. Love on them wonderful children of yours. Take care.

Answer 2

Now that I have read the additional details, I'd say that you are a much more organized person than your ex, and probably have a high energy level, which allows to do many tasks effectively all in one day. It sounds like you are a good parent, and close to your sons. Since you don't get support from the ex (which is unfair), let your special closeness with your sons be your reward; this will come back to you in the love and respect they will have for you as they grow up.

Why did she complain? Perhaps she had post partum depression after each birth (a real condition which can drain a woman's energy) and found it hard to cope. Even without that, raising three young children is very exhausting... I used to have trouble keeping up with dishes and laundry when I was a SAHM of three. Or perhaps she just had expectations that the work would just magically do itself if she watched TV long enough.

Answer 3

Yeh, I'm with the first answer...don't dump us all into one category. I take pride in caring for my home and my family, and I do a good job at it with little thanks and it is difficult. I wouldn't go so far as to say that a homemaker is working harder than her spouse, but the point is that she's probably working as hard, and many men don't see that. Your ex wasn't doing her job as it was, so I don't know how she could go on about the difficulty of it.

I have a three and four year old, and I am a widow. I also keep my house immaculate. I cook home cooked meals every night for my family, and I do the dishes right after. I spend all my time at home cooking, cleaning, or caring for my children. I usually get up an hour before my kids just to get things done around the house, and I stay up later for the same reason. Between work and home, I usually get maybe an hour or so a week to myself, and that's when I lock myself in the bathroom!!

You should really think about what you say before you say it. Insulting women and the care they put into their homes is not the way to go. If you are angry with your ex and you want justification that she was a slob who didn't do her job, then go for it. But don't stereotype, it's very insulting.

Answer 4

Maybe she is complaining about how hard her life is but she's really complaining about something else - like that she's lonely or that she and her husband aren't getting along or maybe her parents are elderly and she's worried about them. Maybe she doesn't even know why she's complaining. Maybe complaining is the only way she feels she can be heard. Maybe complaining is the only coping mechanism she knows. Maybe she's suffering from depression. You can never really know what's going on inside someone else's head, so, if you can, be patient with her and maybe even show a little sympathy. Because she's obviously not happy, for whatever reason.

Answer 5

Sounds like your wife had more problems in and with the marriage.
There could be many reasons why a mother/wife conveys a message of disatisfaction to her husband;
1.)Staying home all day with your children is fabulous but mommies often need to have adult interactions and conversations.
2.)Many mothers have a lot to offer the family in another form, like working being providers, and this urge to offer all those little ones more money to buy things, or support the house, and/or just to make life easier, is a really strong urge.
3.)All this coupled with the urge to mother, and then the guilt that begins to creep in by wanting to be SUPERMOM can throw mommies into depression.
4.)Mommies mom everyone first, including their husbands, and often do not look or care for their own personal needs, thus creating a viscous circle of love, guilt, resentment,sadness etc...
If husbands hear their wives/mommies cry their tears of unhappiness, then what mommy and daddy need to do is to take a break from children, call nana, then take a small vacation together. Spend time, talking, walking, hugging, kissing, and most of all, enjoy the silence, enjoy the love, and enjoy the wonderful noisy love making. Then go home and start all over, Refreshed.
Good Luck!

Answer 6

i don't think it was complaining about the actual housework ect..it was more of what she wasn't getting from you..and raising kids is a hard job.your kids are still young..although i do have to agree with you and say that being there for your kids does make it alot easier..alot say it's a hard job because there is no pay for it..althought my pay is seeing my kids ages 13,11 and 8 grow up with a sense of respect ,clean, well behaived, that aren't afraid to go after their dreams then i have done my job to the best of my ability..i amend you for taking on that,.not to many men can..my childrens father is also in the military and i don't think he wants as much to do with his kids than some men.sad on his part.and you are complaining alittle yourself..just be thankful for the time you do have with your kids..they will learn eventually that you were there for them. good luck ..i wish you the very best, some woman just weren't meant to raise children..i would never let my house get that messy.there is no excuse for lazyness

Answer 7

its quite simple really. I work long hours, my wife is a stay at home mum. My work can be quite stressful because its a family run business with alot of employees. in conversation one day while the mother in law was around we were discussing the whole stay at home parenting issue and come to this conclusion. its not a matter of how hard it is! Work is hard , staying at home with the kids is hard . However Its Appreciation that is the common factor in staying at home looking after the kids and house. At work you are looking after just that and earning money. However at home your wife is looking after you directly and your kids. That being the case she would put in extra effort cause its more personal than being in the workforce. Hope that made sense!

Answer 8

women that complain about having to stay home are complaining about the HAVING to part, mostly
women want to contribute more than just their mothering abilities...and for the woman who is a stay at home mom, it can be depressing never getting out to socialize with adults
i never complained...i loved the time i had at home with my children...and i have to say that i admire you for doing both...being a father and working
some women just can't seem to do it...life is not fulfilled for them unless they have more...always more

Answer 9

Hi...I am a MUM and have 7 Beautiful babies(4yrs to 14yrs old) I have my TRUE LOVE working...and i am a STAY AT HOME MUM... I love it...It is however the Hardest job in the world..Still...I was born to be a MUM..and a DAMM GOOD ONE AT THAT...sorry you had a DROPKICK that screwed those boys over...with using THEIR time of need...for t.v time and ect...God i am BLESSED with My World(Husband) and OUR babies... good on you for making that break and saving 3 lifes from that insight of what a mother should be...she shows what a mothers *** is...and thats about all i got out of what i read..she prob just wanted to to keep you...I know of a couple of true stories that are like that...and end like yours...

Answer 10

because women give so much more than men we can offer our children emotional and were sensitive to there feelings. Your Ex was probably just not the type to do those things. For the rest of us who actually don't complain give us some slack. don't put the rest of us in the same categorie as her .