Baby's father doesn't care and it hurts to do this alone. What can I do to stop feeling this way?

Question

Me and this guy have been real good friends for about 2 yrs now. So good of friends that I'm now pregnant by him. Everything was good the first weeks of my pregnancy. He told me he was gone be there, but now things have changed! His whole attitude towards me has changed. He would use to call, but now ...nothing. I try not to let him get to me, but it's hard knowing he is going on with his normal life... like me and the baby don't exist. I text, I call him, but there's always no response. My sister tells me to put him on child support, but I look at it this way. If he's not acting/pretending that he cares now, then I don't want nothing from him. My only concern is having a healthy baby, father or no father. I see my neice with her daddy & sometimes cry myself to sleep, because I know my baby won't ever have that. Single mother at 22, I know it's gone be hard but I have to do what I have to do. I tell people it doesn't bother me, when deep down it's tearing me apart.

Answer 1

I have to agree with your sister sweetie. I know you don't want anything from him.....but it's for the baby. Child support is exactly that, CHILD SUPPORT.....he is the father whether anyone likes it or not.....as the mother, and only parent to that child, you should make sure that he is supporting that child, and that child deserves to have that child support. I understand your feeling about it....but also understand this.....that child deserves that......so do it for your child regardless of how you feel about the father ok. Trust me, it will help you in the long run. And men like him shouldn't be allowed to make babies and not care for them......make him live up to his responsibility of caring for/supporting the child he helped create.

As far as thinking your baby will never have a father.....don't feel that way. That baby can have a father. Find you a GOOD MAN, yes I know it's hard, but you can't find one, when it's right it will happen. When you do, that man will be that child's father. He may not be the child's biological father....but still a father. Keep hope and I hope everything works out for the best for you and your child.

Answer 2

You're in a tough spot. Really, you would be better off enlisting in a public service, usually towns and cities have them. Basically they're free advice, free day care, etc. Then there's also siblings, parents, and other relatives, as well as a new boy friend or a personal friend.

As for how you feel, right now it's a great time for vacations. There's tons of entertainment, but when you have the responsibility of an infant your best bet is to find something relaxing and do it (ie sun bathing, reading, movies, plays, outdoor stuff, exercise, etc).

Good luck, and remember if you cant afford much there are free and very inexpensive services out there devoted to helping mothers that are in need (my town has a free daycare for teenage mothers, don't know about adult mothers). Use the yellow pages...they're full of wonders ;-)

Answer 3

Whether you want anything from him our not your child deserves to have the support. I know your emotions are angry with his regection. But your baby shouldn't bare the brunt of your anger.

It is also not fair that the father is allowed to move on, Involve child services Please!

On the side of the father (I refran from calling him a man) he is probably going through a lot in his mind and this is a life changing moment. It's not an excuse to run though. If you know any of his mentors speak with them and have them tell him to do what is the right thing.

I'm saddened by the numbers of young people that engage in adult behaviors and reliquish the adult responcibilites when the enevidable occurs. The Best invironment for a child is to be raise in a healthy loving male and female family (other family dynamics are good if there is love, but not the best. Children desirve our best.)

Answer 4

I do not know what is your education level...and everyone makes mistakes when typing in this medium. However, the biggest mistake you have made is in not using appropriate birth control/protection, as I am sure you know. While this is a mistake, it need not be one that ruins your life. The man involved is revealing his true lack of character, and you are wise in deciding not to have anything further to do with him personally.
You do not say how far along you are in your pregnancy, but your concern for your baby reveals you to be a kind and loving person who will doubtlessly be a very good mother and not let the hard times ahead discourage you in this task.
You have been betrayed by a man who is unworthy of being a man and owning up to his responsibilities. At best, he is very immature and afraid, but that is no excuse for ignoring you and the baby.
You need to consider your baby's needs now and take whatever legal steps are available to you to ensure that this man supports your child...and his...the way the law requires.
Of course this bothers you, and that is putting it very mildly. It is a natural feeling, especially for one who has been used and abused as you have been.
Though the near future may be filled with uncertainty and a normal amount of tears andgrief, it will pass in time. The important thing is to look forward to the birth and care of your baby...in this you will find happiness and joy, you will be an excellent Mother, and your baby will grow up to be an honest and dependable person who does not take advantage of his/her fellow humans....there is no doubt about this.

Answer 5

Yeah, You and ten million other girls who learn the hard way. STOP YOUR WHINING!! What's done is done. All you can do now is be the best mother that you can. Stop calling this asshole for starters. Get on with your life. Work on making YOUR life better and stop waiting for a guy to come along and make everything all right. You're young. Now, a mother. Stand on your own two feet and grow up. There will be plenty of men that will come and go in your life. As you get older, you will become smarter at picking out the good ones. For now, your concern should be about YOU and your baby. Toughen up girl!! Guys like this aren't worth a single tear.

Answer 6

Ms. Single Mother @ 22. You can't worry about your friend (father), right now. You have two lives to care for. You have to be the best, you can be. Not just for the baby, but yourself as well.
As far as a father, for your child. Your child, has a Faher. Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He is also your friend, in a time of need or any time, as far as that goes!
Just do, all that you can. And God, will have your back, and provide your needs. Just keep the Faith and be positive.
You can also be a Great Mother, even without, the help of the DAD! Look for support, from family,friend, and your Church.
If you do not have one. Seek out one, that you feel comfortable about.
I know it's seems impossible. But Sister, you can do it! Be Strong, and keep the Faith. You are welcome to write me anytime.
Ms. Untamableladyleo

Answer 7

Someday you will find a guy who will love your child as much as he loves you, but in the meantime, I agree with your sister. You have no idea how much a baby costs you. And a woman who can't work for a while can't do it alone. I know this, I've had 3, the first 2 at your age, and the last one 16 years later, after I left my husband. You need him to help you financially, even if he doesn't help you emotionally. Get the courts involved. Hunt down the country song "She didn't have time", call your local country station and request it, find out who did it, and then go buy it and listen again.

Answer 8

Don't let this tear you down have anybody ever told you that if he bring you to it he will bring you through it it. Baby know that it is going to be ok. I too was a single mother at 24. Oh he was loving me everyday til i was about 5 months, and did i mention it was my first time. But i stress myself to the point were i was threatening a miscarriage, my labor was very difficult however i did carry my baby for the full term and my baby was in ICU for three days when i was discharged from the hospital i had to leave my baby there for an extra day. So please stop stressing it is not worth it. Hell he is not worth it. Think about your baby and else will fall into play for you.
GOD BLESS YOU!

Answer 9

I'm very sorry for this predicament. The guy in question may be having a difficult time accepting the issue, and I think for the moment you shouldn't be hoping too much for anything from him.

Try talking to your friends and family, and make sure you have their support, as this will make the pregnancy much easier. If you get depressed about the issue, I'd suggest seeing a professional counsellor. Make sure you continue to exercise and eat well for the sake of your baby.

Perhaps one day in the future, he may change his mind and choose to make contact with the child. This will be a decision you will have to make. There are many issues with this sort of situation that time may change.

I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 10

Sweetie, you have two choices. Either make him pay child support because it's tough enough to raise a child with two incomes these days, so it will be even more hard to raise this child on just your income, or just forget about him. Tell him that if he doesn't want anything to do with this child then he needs to sign over parental rights to the child because it wouldn't be fair for you to raise the child financially and emotionally for 10 years and then him show up and try to be a daddy then. Good luck to you and I know that you can do this on your own. It will be tough, but well worth it. Good luck.