I miss my 17 yr old daughter how do I get her to relate to me again?

Question

She was coached by her dad to live with him and G/F.Anytime I do speak to her she doesnt sound happy but shes such a stubborn person.She wants to lash out verbally and hurt me all the time.She sent letters to all my family saying she missed us but when I got in touch all I got was a txt saying thanks.Do I Let her alone for the time being to allow her the space to realise she truly misses us?

Answer 1

From experience of being a teenage girl with a bad relationship with her mother i can say the problem is down to the split of the family which she may be bitter about, you cant go from no communication to be being the best of friends over night, that is unrealistic, there seems to be a power struggle between you and her father/GF, your daughter may feel that to be loyal to her father she must lash out at you. Wher you very close to her before? Are you judgmental of her? Have you asked her if she is happy with the family set up? What hurt me alot when my fam split was when my father, who never wanted to be close before suddenly started taking a deep interest in me , was a bit too much, too soon. Finally, never gossip about your husband or his GF , can assure you that this will drive her away, good luck she will come round if your there for her probs wen she needs you.

Answer 2

She is hurting, that is why she lashes out at you. You are always available when she needs someone to lash out at. She most likely doesn't know how to express her feelings verbally.I suggest sending her an email, or letter first, tell her how you feel, try not to sound angry though. Use what are called I Statements, say some thing like "i feel (insert emotion) when you (insert action)".Then continue with asking her how she feels, what are her thoughts, how is she feeling about living with her dad, etc. Try to be very understanding and patient if she does open up, and be just as understanding and patient if she does not.If she is telling others that she misses you, then giving her space is the wrong thing to do, that wil give her the idea that she is not important to you.Also try to set up a day where the two of you can do something fun together, preferably her choice of activities.

Answer 3

I'm sorry that this has happened to you. I will keep you both in my prayers and thoughts.
I remember a friend of mine going through something similar to this once and she felt that it was all her fault that the child left and went the with dad. So whenever they got together she constantly treated the situation with kid gloves and did everything for the child and bought the child everything-and so did the dad. The only people who lost on that deal was everyone.
This can be a win situation given the proper amount of time, patience and determination to give what the child needs not what the child wants. So do a little soul searching and try to figure out exactly what a 17 year old is thinking and what they may need to have a fulfilled sence of themselves. Then, instead of trying to relate, try to supply the needs....I think you will find that will be the solution and maybe just possibly open the doors to many different facets of the child's life.
My prayers and thoughts are with you!

Answer 4

She has been brainwashed into an awkward situation. She is only a teenager, and finding it difficult to respond for the time being. Take her out places, include her in family get-togethers, maybe a few people at a time at first so she can gather the confidence to get out of her father's influence.

Maybe yourself and a couple of others in the family (girls only) can treat her for a weekend break. Be patient. It will take time, but once she is in the world of a working adult and living in her own pad, she will come round.

Answer 5

Yes. Just leave her a while. She is obviously being turned against you by her father, or more likely, his girlfriend. When she does finally get in touch, suggest a day out and then maybe you two can do some well needed bonding.

Let her know that you won't push her to see you but that you love her unconditionally and you will always be there for her no matter what.

Good luck.

Answer 6

I am 18, and my mom and I have the BEST relationship. We can talk to each other about everything. You should ask her if she's happy. If you've already done that, then yes, give her some space. Keep in touch, but don't bring up the fact that you miss her so much. Good Luck! :-D

Answer 7

It must be awful. My son is nearly 8 and his dad says simlar things. I am dreading the day when the same happens and he thinks the grass is greener and goes to live with him. (Hes a lazy, gambling, piss head with a horrid temper). Its a constant fear for me.
I would often send a letter or card to her just to remind her that she is really missed and loved and is welcome to come and stay or live anytime.
Never stop telling her how much she means to you. Teenagers are stubborn (i was) but eventually (and soon i think) she will understand and you will be able to reform that beautiful relationship.
Just never stop telling her and sending cards/letters telling her. (A letter/card may sometimes work well as it is written in black and white and she can read it over and over again.)
Good luck i wish you all the best

Answer 8

have a video night with her. Get 2 or 3 great chick flicks, some pizza or Chinese food, and a bottle of wine or some cocktails (sorry , i know she's only 17 but I'm sure she can handle it!) should get you both talking, a little alcohol will relax her and she should tell you whatever is on her mind.

Answer 9

Teenaged girls al go through this but they do come back and are even more loving than before. They have also done some growing up in that time and you will be able to be friends.

Answer 10

Give her space and she will come back to you. I know it's hard being away from your child especially when you feel like she needs you. Leave her alone and let her decide when it's time for her to come back, she will.