When does the grieving period end?

Question

My grandmother passed away on june 30th, 2006 and we had a really close relationship. This was unexpected because she was only 59 and not healthy but was recovering from a heart attack she had the previous month, even the doctors thought she was doing well. She was doing well, or so we thought. She passed away dancing (by having a major heartattack) and was happy and it was peaceful so I couldnt ask for more. When does this period end where I feel so down. I know, remember the good things and I know she loved me, everyone tells me to try to help but how long does this usually last. Everytime I see a picture of her I start crying, everytime a show comes on the t.v with someone like her I start crying.

Answer 1

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm right there with you. My mom passed away in April and I still get blindsided by tears ... they sneak up on me at the least opportune times. She was ill for quite some time, so her death wasn't a surprise. But I'm still not used to the fact that she's gone. I miss her profoundly. They say the depth of one's pain over a loss like this is directly related to the depth of the love you felt for the person who's died. Don't know if I should be glad about that or not.

I've been reading everything I can get my hands on about the grieving process, and find that it really is an individual thing. However, they say not to make any major decisions for a year after the loss, which is alot harder than it sounds.

Frankly, I don't ever expect to get fully over the loss of her, and I'm not sure that I want to. It almost feels like getting past the grief will mean forgetting her, and I can't bear that thought. I lost a child 15 years ago, and I still miss him every single day. I don't shout it to the world ... it's become a very private thing. I think grief changes over time ... it becomes quieter, not quite so enraged or despairing, but it never loses it's poignancy. We have no choice but to accept the person's absence from our lives, but that doesn't mean we have to like it, or ever stop missing them.

Don't shy away from your feelings over losing your grandmother. The only way to reach any kind of equilibrium is to look it all straight in the eye. Talk to people, read alot, and cry when you need to. One day, I have to believe, we'll find peace.

Answer 2

There is no set time for how long the grieving process lasts. It depends on a lot of things. I also lost my grandmother when I was fairly young, she raised me and I considered her to be my mother instead of my grandmother. I lost her almost 17 years ago to cancer and I still have a hard time with it. It gets easier with time, but you never really get over losing someone you love. For the most part I can think of her now and smile at all the happy memories we shared, but there are times that I still break down and cry. Usually those are the times that something really good happened to me and I wish I could share it with her.

It will get better for you. Give yourself some time, it hasn't been that long. It's hard right now because the pain is still fresh. One day you will lookd at a picture and not cry, but smile as the thought of a really good memory comes into your mind. What really helped me get through it was knowing that she will always be with me, in my heart and in my memories of her. Hope this helps and I'm really sorry for your loss. Good luck and God Bless

Answer 3

This is normal for you to experience sadness when you lose someone who is very dear to you. I regret that there is NO time-limited grieving period for a close family member. You will always remember your grandmother, miss her and grieve over her loss. What happens, eventually, is that the crying spells will get further apart. You will become more able to talk about her, look at her pictures, perhaps visit the cemetary and the pain you feel will not be as intense as it is at this time. Your friends, other family members and if you have a clergymember, some of these people may be able to offer you a different or a more positive perspective regarding your loss. You have my deepest sympathy.

Answer 4

Your grandmother sounds like she was a wonderful, happy person. . .and that you are a richer person for having known her and being a part of her life!

The grieving period ends when it ends. . .don't let anyone tell you otherwise. . .or that there is an arbitrary time period to follow.

That said, what you are grieving is an end now to a "same place dimension" relationship. . .for she has passed onto a different existence (and NOT non-existence!) while you remain in this one. . .and the two shall never cross or meet.

Rest assured, you will be reunited with her in due course. Until then, cherish what you learned from her. . .but do not turn it into an impossible ideal. . .for you have your own unique dance in this human existence!

Blessed (Happy) are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Answer 5

The grieving period will eventually pass. You will never fill that void has now been placed on your heart, I don't believe you ever truly get over a loss you just learn to cope. I had the same type of relationship with my grandparents.
My grandmother passed Jan. 2005 and my grandfather passed Feb. 2006 a month before my son was born. It was very hard. And still is at times. Two of my aunts live in their house now and its hard for me to go there. I am sorry for your loss and I truly understand how you feel.

Answer 6

I can only imagine how you feel when you lose a grandparent. My grandparents have been there for me my entire life. I have lost a loved one though. My aunt was 45 when she was taken so violently from our lives. Though end the end she had not suffered, it's still painful to know that she will never sing "Itsy Bitsy spider' to me in Japanese and German again. Everytime I hear a kid sing it, I still feel a little blue.

Truthfully, we will always grieve for those we lose. There will always be something to trigger that pain we feel when we hear that person's favorite song, or see something that reminds us of them. But it will lessen with time. The sting will still be there, but it will not be as sharp as it is now.

To really answer the question on when the grieving period will end, would really depend on you. The amount of time when someone grieves varies with each person. It took me three months to stop constantly trying to awake from what I thought was a bad dream. The fact that you still remember the good times, and acknowledge that she was peaceful when she died is a great start. My aunt suffered many health problems and I always felt that though I did not like how she was taken from this world, at least she will never again know pain. Eventually life will move on, your feelings with it. We never forget those we love, but we tend to make amends with their absence. Try to join a support group. If there aren't any support groups in your home area, then there are plenty of places online. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone about it. If you don't want to talk to someone you don't know, then talk to a loved one who shares your pain. It helps when you know that you aren't alone.

I wish you and your family well in this, and hope that my advice helps. God Bless.

Answer 7

I know it is really hard but it does get easier my mom passed away in March after a year long battle with lung cancer I am 31 she is 51 she was my best friend and it is very painful but it is getting easier with time I think time is the only thing that can help with this type of pain I mean like the first month she passed it was awful but every day that goes by it gets a little easierI still have hard days but it does get better daily

Answer 8

I'm so sorry to hear this, I don't the right answer for you, no one does. I'm full of tears at this moment for you, and me. I can't let go of the past 3 deaths in my life. And I don't know if I'm torturing myself by keeping pictures and memorabilia around. I know that the crying gets less and less, and easier to stop the tears,so you don't appear to be crying. But the best thing I think of is,some day I will be with them again.And maybe this is sick to you and others but I talk to them like they are watching me. I can't wait to hold them again, them being in my life was the best thing I could have ever had.
Good Luck, Feel Better AND YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO FORGET

Answer 9

Honey, grieving can last anywhere from a few month's to years.. I just want you to know that this is a very normal thing. I would be more worried if you weren't grieving. It's okay to cry. That's your love for her. Your days will improve over time. Your love for her will never go away.

Answer 10

It's only been just over a month. It's still fresh. It's perfectly normal to still be very upset. That will ease with time. Just try to remember all the great things about your grandmother and eventually you'll be happy when you think of her, not sad.