How to handle mother's frustrating morning nagging?

Question

I visit my mother from time to time, she's handicapped and needs me to do errands for her every few weeks. I'm fine with that and am glad to help... but I've tried to explain to her several times, I'm really a horrible morning person.

I can't stand any first thing in the morning attempts at conversation, let alone any meaningful data processing, like lists of stuff to do or times or other plans. My brain just isn't on at all. Then I get frustrated, then I remember how I constantly ask her to just leave me alone first thing in the morning for an hour or so, and then I get angry about her ignoring my request (especially since I've generally had around 4 or 5 hours sleep from driving in the night before). Then I get snippy, then she gets angry, and the great circle of anger continues. If I hide in the basement, she'll shout down the stairs to nag.

How can I convince her that, while I like helping her out, she needs to back off first thing in the morning before I bite her head off?

Answer 1

Don't go there right away. When you get close to her house, find a nice quiet coffee shop or somewhere to just sit and relax and collect your thoughts. Avoid the conflict all together, and wait until you are ready to charge in and get things done.

She may view your not wanting to be bothered as you not wanting to be there, or being resentful and she can't just "let it be". It isn't a nice feeling to have to depend on someone, but when they enter not seeming happy/willing to get things done, there may be misunderstanding...even if you tell her that you are "just tired".

She probably looks forward and counts down the days for you to arrive so that she can get things done, so when you get there, you feel like "let me relax", and she is "you are here, let's get rolling!"

Imagine the anxiety that you may build up wiating a few weeks to do errands that you can't just do yourself.

Last but not least, you are a wonderful daughter for caring and doing those things for her, even when tired and grumpy ;)

Answer 2

It sounds really hard on you. My son has this little habit like you, so I normal hind myself in the room when he wakes still settle down. He needs his morning thought everyday which I can understand. It is not easy for you mum to understand that cos mum don't, I used to wander why someone has got so much to instruct every morning. Try a to do list, get her write down on a paper. Explain to her nicely during dinner time or when she is ready to listen that you needs to be quiet in the morning till (give her a time) anything she needs can be written down on and you will get it down for her. You have to be patient cos people who are handicapped are normally more sensitive then others.

Answer 3

oh man your tellin us all this when u really should b tellin your mom this

write down the chores if u cant remember
also dont have to listen if you dont want to just let the nagging go through one ear and take it out through the other
you could also try some thin new like compliment her on some changes shes made in the house,her new dress....u know the things that make her light hearted......and then tell her what uv just told us


hope it works.......b cool

Answer 4

don't go there for a while and let her starve for a bit
then go there at the last minute and say
i tried to tell you i am not a morning person so i hope you have learn ed your lesson
if she continues with the bad behaviour don't go there at all
then you will have no problem
hope i was able to assist you in this matter as i don't like to see any person what so ever suffer.

regards

Answer 5

say this to ur mom u have a point but first say wat u feelllllllllllll and fix things out w/out being or getting angry ok tell dat to ur mom nd say SORRY she should also say that to you

Answer 6

get your self some self-esteem training and you won't be so touchy in the morning.

Answer 7

just tell her fish off