My son is 15 and I'm having trouble as a single Mom. Can anyone help?

Question

Can you offer advice? He says he hates and wishes I were dead, and other horrible things. How do I get him to stop abusing me????

Answer 1

Always remember to be a parent and not be his friend. There will be a time when you can be great friends, and that's when he gets in his 20's and on his own.

Answer 2

15 is a really tough age for boys (Grade 10 was hell for my 15 yr old). Some of the behaviour you describe can be typical, but not if it happens every day. Many boys say those things once in a while and then feel remorse afterward. If your son is regularly saying hurtful things, try to separate your feelings from it (REALLY hard to do after a rough day at work & all the other daily stresses, I know), and try to get some outside counselling that works for your family. Everyone has an opinion on this and there is really no right or wrong answer, its about what works for you and your son. He will get better - eventually. Good luck.

Answer 3

Tell him that if he hates you, he can move out. Say this calmly, like his words hurt you. He won't do it, and realize that he needs you. Tell him in a loving way that you love him and want to help him.

Why is he saying this? Consider outside factors. Is it school? Stress? Is he suffering from depression, anxiety etc.? Take him out for some lunch or coffee, and have a serious talk. Offer to share one good thing and one bad thing about your day/week/month. Talk about things that have been bothering you. Be honest. Be open about worries in your life (parents aging, well-being of friends, you job etc). Let him know that you are not afraid to communicate through your feelings.

Boys today are taught by society that men are "big boys" when they are aggressive. Once you've talked about your troubles (with control...don't complain and whine), ask him if he has had any problems recently. He may be more willing to talk.

Tell him that you want to be closer to him and understand him. Suggest therapy. Tell him that you are proud of who he has become without a father figure, but you fear that he will drift away if this abusive communication continues.

Answer 4

Simply ignore it. Really. He's testing you and your nerves...if he gets any reaction at all he feels he's won!

I simply and very calmly took away priveledges and items of importance to him.
TV
Game system
Phone
Computer
Stereo

anything he enjoyed that would also allow him to ignore me...or escape into his own fantasy.
Take it away, don't put up with crap from him. Don't EVER ARGUE with a teenager when they're pulling that kind of stund.
You have to be firm and cold.

They either come around or it's off to reform school.


Officially I'm a single mother, but I do have a life partner. My son is still MY son, not hers. So the disapline is my doing.
Thankfully I had family nearby that I could call on too.
I called my older brother and asked if he could take him out for coffee or whatnot and just talk to my son. Find out what's bugging him or what crap he's going through.
It really helped a lot to have an older male family member I could count on.

Do you have any adult males you really trust that you could ask to do a wellbeing check on your son? Like a day out or similar?
I know as a Mom there are some things a son simply won't tell us. So having a trustworthy adult male around really helps.

Good luck to you, I hope he out grows it soon enough!!

Hugs and best wishes!

If it's any concilation, my son out grew that phase rather quickly, like six months time.
But, my son really is the exception as far as teen anx goes.

Again...good luck!!

Answer 5

Well, there are many other women in your position so you are for sure not alone. being a teen is difficult, you have hormonal imbalances which causes mood swings and all other kinds of things. How long have you been a single mom? Is he maybe angry that you and your ex husband are not still together? Have you tried to ask him if he is having trouble with someone maybe bullying or peer pressure? Have you tried family counselings or is that you are not noticing something your saying or something your doing to make him say that he wants you dead?

Answer 6

Uh well...

There are only so many things that can cause this...

If you're not being supportive of him, and you've ever said horrible things.

For one, this is a horrible thing to say: I hate my mom- but I have a legitimate reason- she's always said horrible mean things reguardless of what day it was and she's like...tried to make me a feral child.

Your seeking help tells me that you're comfortable (or confused) enough to not know what you've done.

This may be an agressor issue within your child's mind too- he may need ritalin or an outlet of some kind...

But in any case- don't take that crap. Give him consequences for saying mean things.

Please get the point across to him- if he says something like that again:

That hurts. That hurts me, that hurts alot of people around you to treat me like that, and things like that- you can NEVER take something like that away.
It hurts your soul more than anything...

-_- I know this is something stupid to say but as a child myself ...get your child a drug test- force him if you have to- if you find out he's on some kind of drug then punish him- but don't tell HIM that you hate him. YOu obviously love him enough to be afraid of this.

Answer 7

Well In my opinion, I feel like there is a serious issue going on. Where is the father figure? Get in contact with him and tell him his son is in need of a male role model. If this is not possible, try and contact different programs in you area such as; if he likes to play basketball enroll him in basketball camp and tell the coach the situation. Allow the coach to put some discipline in his life. Don't allow him to call you different names and tell you such horrible things!!! Tell him that this must come to an end NOW or he will have to reap the consequences. Although I agree with Boot Camp, I also feel as if its a lazy escape goat for some scared straight sense. But this must come to an end before it spirals out of control and you're left with a rebellious teen thats doing drugs and drinking. Also sense you are noticing a behavior change buy a couple of the drug testing kits on ebay and randomly test him. Also monitor his friends. If they have changed also then you need to attempt to form a relationship with his friends and the friends parents. You need to seek out your child's personality and try to understand that he's going through puberty and just starting to experiment. PUT IT TO A STOP BY ALLOWING A MALE ROLE MODEL TO HAVE A MAJOR IMPACT IN HIS LIFE!!! Simple as that!!

Answer 8

wow sorry to hear that... I had same problem with my son when he was that age... but he is at that age that he hates you maybe cause u dont let him do what he wants and thats just beiing a good parent... kids hate us all as parents when they dont get thier way..counseling or do as i did i send him to live with his dad and he then changed made a big turn around...he is now 22 and the best loving son i could ever have...good luck

Answer 9

Why don't you have a straight talk about that? Why don't you ask him what problems you did for him? Get his abusing honestly, because nobody can be angry with you when you really want to listen to him. When you understand what he dislike you, the only thing here is time enough to repair and heal your relation.

Answer 10

boot camp should be the last resort..i strongly reccomend family counseling. It is a great way to settle differences, and is a very common way to solve problems. Look for someone who is licensed with an MFT.