Do you have a funny joke or saying?

Question

heres mine two boys were taken to the pastor because they were being bad.the pastor asked oneofthe boys do you know where God is the little boy just looked at him.the pastor asked him again doyou know where God is the little boy just looked up at him with big eyes.the pastor asked him a third time do you know where God is the little boy ran out of the room to the other little boy and said quick we have to get out of here they think were hiding God.Blessings VIJ

Answer 1

http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp

Please visit the above pages. I hope, it helps u.

Answer 2

An American couple go to the Holy Land, Israel. Due to some unfortunate event the wife died. The undertaker gave the husband two options; 1. Pay $5000 to have his wife transported back to the US to be buried there or he could pay $150 and have her buried right there in the Holy Land. The husband thought it over and decided to pay the $5000 to have her transported back to the US and have her buried there. The undertaker, baffled, asked 'Why pay $5000 when you can pay $150 and have her buried in the Holy Land?' The man replied '2000 yrs ago a man was killed here, buried and on the third day He rose. I cannot take that chance'.

Answer 3

Country Preacher...
A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday and head to the hills to do some bear hunting. As he rounded the corner on a perilous twist in the trail, he and a bear collided, sending him and his rifle tumbling down the mountainside. Before he knew it, his rifle went one way and he went the other, landing on a rock and breaking both legs. That was the good news.

The bad news was the ferocious bear was charging at him from a distance, and he couldn't move. "Oh, Lord," the preacher prayed, "I'm so sorry for skipping services today to come out here and hunt. Please forgive me and grant me just one wish: Please make a Christian out of that bear that's coming at me. Please, Lord!" That very instant the bear skidded to a halt,
fell to its knees, clasped its paws together and began to pray aloud right at the preacher's feet: "Dear God, bless this food I am about to receive . . .

Answer 4

I enjoy what i read in a book about Saint John of Sarov.
Many mens go to him for ask many questions because he knows many good things,mens was wayting a lot of time. When the Saint is coming from his room,saw them and said "today i am in post and i don't speak,that is my post-i don't speak"

Answer 5

So this rich man was going to die. He wanted to make a bargain with the angel that he could bring his money with him. "Oh no", said the angel, "you can't bring anything with you to heaven". But the man was very persistent, and he finally bargained to bring one suitcase with him. Hurrying about, the man decided to make the most out of that one suitcase, he would melt down every precious metal he had and pour it in, as much as could fit!

The suitcase was incredibly heavy, but the man made it to the pearly gates. Seeing him, St. Peter said, "sorry, no luggage". "Aha!" the man replied, "your angel said I could bring one, just one, suitcase with me!"

"Well all right", said St. Peter..."but I'll have to take a look at what's in it, you know!" So he opened the suitcase and looked in at a very large, solid brick of gold. St. Peter lifted his head, looked straight at the man and said in a very puzzled voice, "you brought pavement???"

Answer 6

Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven.

Peter asks the first if she has ever sinned. "Well, once I looked at a man's penis," she said. "Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven," Peter told her.

Peter then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned. "Well, once I held a man's penis," she replied. "Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven," he said.

Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun. Peter asked her, "Why did you push ahead in line?" She said, "Because I want to gargle before nun 3 sits in it!"

Answer 7

This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship the Lord."

"Thank you!" the woman responded.

So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, "Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"

and this one too:

One day a middle-aged Jewish man named Leo hears from his son attending university. "I've decided to become a Christian, Dad."

Leo panics. "What do I do?" he asks himself. The only thing he can think to do is call his rabbi.

"Funny you should come to me with this problem, Leo," says the rabbi. "Not 2 years ago my son comes to me with the same speech. I had no idea what to do. I panicked, and the only thing I could think to do was go to God."

"What message do you think you got from God?" asks Leo.

The rabbi laughed. "God said to me, funny you should come to me with this problem ...'"

and lastly,

Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces.

To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result.

The door bounced back open.

Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said: "Ma'am, before you do that again you need to move your cat."

Answer 8

a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "what is this, some kinda joke???"

Answer 9

Cute!

Answer 10

You can't polish a turd! Think about it!

Answer 11

yea! But, nobody thinks my jokes are funny...