what do you think of grandma and grandpa only seeing grandchild once a week for maybe 1 and 1/2 hrs?

Question

our first grandchild and we hardly see her. daughter in law is
with mom everyday all day and mother in law gets a time limit to
see baby. when we get there she is either breast feeding or putting
baby to sleep. we always got along until she had a baby. if she
needs something she wont let me help her only her mother. if my
son says call her and see if you can go over there she does not
answer the phone or the door. one day she wanted a sandwich
and asked my son to stop working and bring it to her and my son
could not go so he asked me and i said i would but she told him
no he had to bring it. she told me she was just out of the shower
and had to feed the baby. how come she couldnt let me in for a
minute. we have never had any problems before them. i tell her all the time if you need anything or
want anything call me if i call there she does not
pick up the phone she used to. does breatfeeding make you crazy.
she also does not clean or cook anymore. my son does everything.

Answer 1

Give her some space. It's her first kid, she'll relax in time. She might feel pressured by you or it might not be anything about you. She probably wants her mom around because she needs some "momming" herself. I was uptight about my inlaws being over when I had our first daughter. They didn't understand breastfeeding and I was shy about it and not good at it and sensitive to any comments. It sounds like the baby is still pretty young and mom may still be getting used to being a parent. Also, I felt kind of hurt when all the attention turned to the baby and everyone forgot about me. Do what you can in the space she gives. Some ideas: send her flowers, write her a kind card, send a meal through your son, when she is putting the baby down for a nap or feeding her do her dishes or a load of laundry, be supportive of her choice to nurse (it is the great for the baby), lighten up about the housework--that reads like big time criticism, buy her paper plates, compliment her on what a good mom she is, thank her for the time you do spend with your granddaughter (and mean it), don't bad mouth her to your son--he'll only feel caught in the middle, set a verbal time limit to your visit and stick to it, know that it will pass.

Now, my kids are 2 years and 7 months and I'm glad to let them see my in-laws a fair amount. We still limit their "away" time, especially the younger since she is nursing but I don't have the same hang ups. I trust my mother-in-law to respect my wishes and I see that she appreciates me as a mother and isn't trying to replace me or make me keep her agenda. My kids feel secure and safe around her (and my father-in-law). Also, I'm getting much more sleep so my sensitivity level has gone way down and my housework level has gone way up!

Answer 2

If the baby is new and Mom is a first time mom, and she is breast feeding, then I'll tell you right now she is probably exhausted. And that might be why she doesn't cook or clean anymore. That is awesome that your son helps out with all the cooking and cleaning. Breast feeding is very tiring and it takes a lot out of you and each situation is unique. She may not feel comfortable yet with breastfeeding and might feel like she needs privacy when feeding. Which might explain why she doesn't want you there for very long. Most new babies eat every two hours, and for mom, waking up all night long every two hours is very tiring. Breast feeding is also painful at first and is something that both mom and baby have to learn. just give her some time, it'll get better. It took baby and I three months to master breast feeding. We had every problem you could imagine.

Answer 3

She's got a small child, probably her first from the sounds of it. She's breastfeeding, so obviously she's up every 2-3 hours feeding the baby and not getting any sleep. You have to expect that she's going to be a bit grumpy. She calls her mom, because that's her mom and she feels more comfortable with her than you because she raised her.

You are going to have to get over it and accept the fact that you will probably have to wait until the baby is a bit older, awake more and not on the breast so much to see it.

And yes, your son should take the sandwhich and do things for her, she's got her hands full and she's tired. It won't last forever, just the next 6 months or so.

Answer 4

Hi! I've already read some very fine responses to your question but I'll admit I'm looking at this from a totally different perspective and I hope this helps.

Im a very proud GrandPa (single/divorced) of a handsome little guy, my first grandchild who's just one year old. My d-i-l and my son are now living about 800 miles away (because of his great career move) and we keep in touch by e-mail and phone. Maybe because of my own circumstances, I suppose I'm a very protective and caring Father/Grandfather of my kids – all three of them!

I greatly respect their need for their own space, agendas, privacy and their desire to raise their little boy (and his future siblings) in their own way without interference from in-laws.

I'm happy to say that I enjoy great affection, love and respect from my daughter and my son and I am always welcome in their home. I was invited to and did spend the past two Christmases at their place.

But I want to stress that I've made it a point to NEVER ever intrude into their lives and give them my unsolicited advice. Quite often, it's just the opposite – I ask them for advice as they're both well-educated professionals. From what I can see also both of them are very sensible and responsible parents.

So if they want to tell me something or ask for my advice, I'm always there for them. They also know that there's nothing in this world, no expense too great for my daughter, son and my little Grandson.

I hope this helps. Cheers.

Answer 5

Well, you can replace my grandparents any day... They refused to see me until I was about 10 and my other ones are dead... Ummm I'd have to agree with people saying that its just after the baby is born type thing... I dont really know cuz I'm only 16 but she prolly feels a lot more comfortable with her mom there than you cuz its her mom that raised her and helped her throughout her life... And she might be nervous that her parenting skills aren't up to your standards... I know when I'm babysitting I get nervous when the parents are around even though I know I'm great with kids just because I don't want to look incompitent...

Give it a lil time... and Congrats!

Answer 6

Sounds like she's being a typical new Mom. It's not that she's upset w/ you, she's just afraid that you might see or do something that she might find offensive. Give her time to adjust. Sounds, too, like she may have some of the post-partum stuff going on and that she doesn't want anyone around except for her husband. This will pass, but for me it took almost a year. Good Luck!

Answer 7

well i would ask her if you got a long before.. me and my real mother inlaw have never got along and never well. she and slef asoved drug head. the first drow was she told my hubby ween i was 8 months pregnant she was going to abort him she didnt want any more kids. we all had ween out to eat together ween she started talking about this. that ween i came to my since and notest this women was not and good preson. my hubby was rised by his dad and his grandma think god cause the son she had at 14 her mom rised till she lost her mind and had to be put in and nursing home. now her other son she thinks hangs the moon and the stars and he and crack head. i put that behind me then i had my lil girl aginsed my wish she came in anyway told me week later at her home i seen everthing you have next you better let me in anyway. that pissed me off i again set that aside hubby was helping her move i had to leave baby was sleep so i lift her here. took me about 30 min to get back home pick milk and daipers. i come back you could smell weed all the way to the crub. the man that lived beside her i known sents i was lil girl he the drug officer for our countny he was sit out side. i walk in get my baby and walk out. hubby was pissed i told him we talk about it in the car.so he get in and i told who the man was and i told him i didnt want my kid around her anymore. i am not going to lose my kid cause some else. we have not talked sents my lil girl is 3 years old. she didnt come to my lil girl first brithday i called her and invited her tryed to be nice. she took his brother and his girl friend and ther lil girl out to eat .so i well not invite her to anything else and i well not be around her.

Answer 8

Sometimes your hormones are a little out of whack after a baby, and sometimes you can get depressed. Give her time she will come around.

Answer 9

She obviously has some sort of problem with you. Why don't you just straight up ask her what her problem is?

Answer 10

Your children are lucky to have grandparents. Mine do not.