my guy just had a confession to me yesterday. 2 months ago, he had fallen to someone else. (just the thought of that makes me want to puke)..but then, he said, it was just a whirlwind romance and decided to end it up.. he swore he never touched the girl. he's working abroad. i had this instinct already, but trust and love always break the spell. questions were answered, so that's the reason why he changed. he promised not to do it again. i forgave him. but i'm still upset..and i don't know if i could trust him again. am i over reacting? should i just be glad and thank him for being honest and brave enough to admit his mistakes? opinions please... thanks.
2006-08-11 17:03:21 · 14 answers · asked by jules1225 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
We are not the ones, my dear, who can decide whether this guy deserves to be trusted or not. It is only you, because you only have seen how he behaves generally. For example, when he is with you, is he looking other women in a flirtatious way (does he make you feel like you are always being compared to other women ) or does he treat you like you are his perfect match? Has he ever done anything before that would make you think he may be cheating? If he is a cheater he cannot hide himself for a long time you know! If he has never done anything like that before, give him a second chance; that is, of course,
if you love him very much. Perhaps, he has regretted for his behavior as you were and that’s why he told you. One the other hand there is the chance that the guy is like that all the time. The scenario that he didn’t even touch the girl seems rather unlikely to me, but not impossible.
However, if that had happened to me and because the guy works abroad I would never feel that I can trust him again. There would always be a doubt. I would never be able to be with someone I cannot trust.
What kind of person are you, dear? Would you feel the same way as I would? If that’s the case I think that this is the beginning of the end. If you don’t feel you can trust him again, that is it. Sooner or later you will ask him to end it, because this little doubt will always exist in your mind and will raise arguments and cause unhappiness.
I am really sorry your priceless soul was hurt so much my friend. You are not alone. Do you see how many people showed interest in your case and were in a way “there for you” by trying to answer your question even though we do not even now you? There are always people who really care and everybody deserves to have that. Please cheer up and think a lot before you make a decision. If you feel he worths a second chance, give it to him, but be careful always. Best of luck to you!
2006-08-13 15:35:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure how strong your feelings are for him but I can tell you that if you can't trust him anymore then the relationship is going to go downhill either fast or steadily. Either way I don't think it'll work anymore if you can't trust him and get over what he did. You aren't over reacting he was dating behind your back and he was looking for someone else while still with you. He wasn't being honest with you when he should have been. It doesn't sound like you're 100% for the relationship anymore anyways I think you should break up with him and let yourself heal from this wound then start dating again when you're ready too. I hope you're going to be okay.
2006-08-11 17:08:13 · answer #2 · answered by hearts99992000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Would you feel worse without him, or if you have to try and trust him again? What does it take for you to be able to trust him again? Is it foreseeable for you? Also, can you imagine a "whirlwind romance" between 2 people who never touch each other? Don't you hate it when people answer a question with a question or multiple questions? You see where I'm going though, right?
2006-08-11 17:17:57 · answer #3 · answered by dfhggd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, any girl whos been cheated on will tell you.. YOU ARE NOT OVER REACTING!!! He shouldn't have cheated on you. and no matter if he admits it, he'll have to work to earn your trust back if you decide to stay.. Ask him why? What was wrong with you? Does he care about you? if he answer yes to the last one.. then he shouldn't have "fallen" for another.. But you'll have to listen to your heart.. if you feel like he want do it again.. and maybe you have a future then try but know.. A lot of men cheat once they do the first time.. but follow your heart.. good luck..
2006-08-11 17:15:23 · answer #4 · answered by Between Two Hearts 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His coming to you with apparent honesty is a point in his favor; it means he cares about how you'd feel as a result of what he's done, but before you get too wrapped up in the altruism of that gesture, remember he violated the trust in the first place...(whether physical contact was made or not). His working abroad is a factor, but it's certainly not an excuse. If you have decided to forgive him though, you need to be sure you really understand what that truly involves, and be prepared to not revisit the subject again or it will damage your relationship. (This is definitely easier said than done.) Rebuilding trust is a deeper issue, but fortunately it's not your problem. The one who violates the trust has to earn it back; how he does or doesn't do that is up to him...all you have to do is evaluate its effectiveness. I hope this works out to your satisfaction.
2006-08-11 17:19:15 · answer #5 · answered by Captain S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have every reason to be upset and do not let anyone tell you any different. I guess the real question you need to answer is :do you feel like you will be able to trust him again? If the answer is yes, then try to work it out if the answer is no, then break it off and move on with your life.
2006-08-11 17:10:32 · answer #6 · answered by Joy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him a chance abroad is really hard I'm A military brat. But when intuition starts kick butt and tell him to haul a $ $.
2006-08-11 17:07:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first off if he told you. that takes allot of guts.he must really love you.the guilt over came him.but if you found out and confronted him.he is trying to pull one over on you.but if came out on his own and told you.I doubt he will do it again.Forgive. But if it happens again leave him.He is a cheater. But if you caught him. He is a cheater without morals for the woman that he was suppose to love.He will definitely do it again.The choices are yours. Good luck.
2006-08-11 17:18:45 · answer #8 · answered by lovely soul with insite 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no your not over reacting. you should just tell him how you still feel. guys are dumb and need to know what we did wrong. i honestly dont think you should have gave him another chance. once the person cheats and is forgiven it gives them a way to cheat again. be careful and you should take care of yourself!
2006-08-11 17:08:34 · answer #9 · answered by pitonero 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my opinion is that you havent forgiven him in the first time and if you think there is something up mostly like you are right, i have been down this road but maybe he isnt readyt for a commitment or you are not, but it seems to me this relationship ended long time ago and unless you have forgiven him truely you wont be happy, i think you need to do pros and cons list and beleive me that works but i think you need to think about your relationship and if its worth saving, good luck
2006-08-11 17:27:19 · answer #10 · answered by nichole b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋