is it wrong to feel uncomfortable around my dad?

Question

i can always feel my dad staring at my breasts & my butt and it makes me really uncomfortable. One time, we went swimming and he just kept staring at me in my bikini and he kept saying that i looked really good. & i always see him openly staring at women's breasts and commenting them (in front of the whole family!) and he always kind of stares me down. it's not like he ever molested me, but i still feel violted. i feel very uncomfortable around him and so i never really sit close to him or hug him. is that an undaughterly thing to do? is it wrong to think like that? I can't help myself because i feel so disgusted. :/

**ive already told my mom but she thinks im exaggerating and overreacting

Answer 1

I'm sorry to say that your dad is a perv. Don't feel ashamed that you are beautiful, you've done nothing wrong. Your father shouldn't look at you in that way. He shouldn't find you attractive. A more fatherly thing would be for him to say "Shouldn't you cover up a little bit more" or "Isn't that bikini a little too small? In my day, women couldn't wear such a thing in public.." and so on. I say stay away from your dad, your instincts are telling you right.

Answer 2

First off, no it's not wrong to feel anything....
Listen to your instincts....
What's wrong is to feel uncomfortable and to stuff your feelings or wish them away.
I'd encourage you to talk to someone you trust .... and around your dad cover up a bit .... a couple things come to mind that he may just be having a hard time adjusting to your maturing.
That doesn't make it right for him to look at you. your mom probably just doesn't know quite how to handle the situation as it is uncomfortable. I can only recommend be strong, be direct, be succinct and clear -- you don't have to make a scene or tantrum, just be clear honest and direct and say it makes me uncomfortable when ... and I'd appreciate it if you ..... then give it some time.
I'm concerned for you in that you may be internalizing things (like feeling objectified by your dads glances).... you didn't do anything to deserve to any of this ... choose not to feel disgusted or ashamed. but truly if you ignore the situation it will likely continue to get worse and it will be much harder to handle. good luck.

Answer 3

there is nothing wrong with how you feel, except that your father is making you feel that way. Obviously you Mum isn't going to be much help. One day (when you are wearing something far less revealing than your bikini) you should talk to your father 1 on 1 and tell him how he makes you feel. Otherwise your relationship with him will continue to be harmed.
Otherwise you could go for the shock treatment. One time when he is gawking, rip your top off and yell "is this what you've been looking for" at him. Should be even more embarrassing for him than for you, and will teach him a lessen.
B

Answer 4

This is very inappropriate behavior but your family has put up with it for a long time and seems to accept it. Seeing women as 'sex objects' is far too common.
Until you take action and get results you need to dress very modestly around your father.

Obviously it does not bother your mother enough for her to deal with, so don't count on much help from her but tell her how you feel and why, perhaps she will give you a little cultural perspective on it. Lewd comments about women should be met with disgust from the women in your family, your mom needs to learn this.

You need to tell your dad how you feel and explain that lewd comments from a father about a daughter are simply creepy, and never never welcome.

I hope he gets the message, apologizes to you and changes his behavior.

Answer 5

Listen to your instincts.God gave us those to help us. Find a counselor or therapist or preacher or teacher to talk to. Just because a man doesn't touch doesn't make it right. Your dad has serious issues. What does your mom say about this? How can she let your dad be such a bad example? Every man looks, but those with any respect for others don't make comments outloud, especially around their families. I'm sorry youv'e had to deal with this. It's not fair, but there it is. Just get some help to get some perspective before it messes with you permanently.

Answer 6

No, what you're feeling is not undaughterly. If the situation is exactly as you narrated, then it is your father who is acting unfatherly towards you. If you assess that you can talk to your mother (or any other close family member) about this, then I would suggest you do it. I would feel disgusted too if I were in your shoes because family members, especially parents, are the ones we expect to protect us and keep us safe.

Talk to someone in your family about it; don't carry this burden alone. You may need their support in confronting your father's behavior sooner or later.

Answer 7

I would talk to another adult about your situation. Are you and your mother close? an aunt? grandparent? or someone? This needs to be brought to someone elses attention. but yet at the same time your dad may be innocent and then again he may have a problem. They say kids arre molested by someone they know most of the time

Answer 8

I have a stepfather like this I know the feeling I think that little bit of distance is good

Answer 9

Yikes. That does sound uncomfortable. I wish I knew some advice to share with you. Good luck with this.

Answer 10

Your'e totally in the right. And you should probably tell him. Unless you think he WOULD, then, molest your or something. THEN tell... someone who knows the family? A mother or sister?