What's one of the funniest jokes you have heard?

Question

For me, this one sticks out in my mind...

Superman is flying by the superhero apartment complex when he notices Wonder Woman sunbathing in the nude on the top floor. He fly's by taking a glance and smiles. The next day, Superman fly's by again and again, Wonder Woman is sunbathing in the nude. Superman comes to a quick decision, and with his speeding bullet speed he zooms down, screws Wonder Woman and zooms away before she knows what happens.

Back on the top floor, Wonder Woman says, "What was that?!"
The invisible man responds, "I don't know, but my asshole sure does hurt."

Answer 1

this is one i know, A stoner walks into an appliance store and asks the owner, "How much for that TV set in the window?" The owner looks at the TV set, then looks at the stoner, and says, "I don't sell stuff to potheads." So the stoner tells the owner that he'll quit toking and will come back the next week to buy the TV. A week later, the stoner comes back and says, "I quit smoking pot. Now, how much for that TV set in the window?" And the owner says, "I told you I don't sell to potheads!" So the stoner leaves again. He comes back a week later and says, "How much for that TV?" The owner says, "I'm not going to tell you again, I don't sell to potheads!!!" The stoner looks back at the owner and says, "How can you tell I'm a pothead?" The owner looks back and says, "Because that's a microwave."

Answer 2

You know you're living in 2006 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 16 phone numbers to reach your family of 4.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.

7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.

8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.

11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

12. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.

AND...

13. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.

14. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your
"friends."

15. You got this email from a friend that never talks to you anymore, except to send you jokes from the net.

16. You are too busy to notice there was no #9

17. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9

Answer 3

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. And do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."

Answer 4

"The O.J. Murder Trial" by Dr.Seuss

I did not kill my lovely wife.
I did not slash her with a knife.
I did not bonk her on the head.
I did not know that she was dead.
I stayed at home that fateful night.
I took a cab, then took a flight.
The bag I had was just for me.
My bag! My bag! Hey, leave it be.
When I came home I had a gash.
My hand was cut from broken glass.
I cut my hand on broken glass.
A broken glass did cause that gash.
I have nothing, nothing to hide.
My friend, he took me for a ride.
Did you take this person's life?
Did you do it with a knife?
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not anytime.
Did you hit her from above?
Did you drop this bloody glove?
I did not hit her from above.
I cannot even wear that glove.
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not, not anytime.
And now I'm free, I can return
To my house for which I yearn.
And to my family whom I love.
Hey now I'm free -- Give back my glove!!

Answer 5

You got mail
This guy was walking outside to get his morning paper as his neighbor (the blond) went to her mail box and looked inside and didn't see anything so she went back into the house. The guy not thinking anything was like okay. A few Min's later the blond came out again walked over to her mailbox opened it still nothing. She was starting to get mad. So she ran back into the house. The guy was starting to wonder what the heck she was doing. About 5Min's passed and out she came again. out to her mailbox and looked slammed it shut and screamed OH MY GOD!!! the guy said whats wrong? she said my computer keeps telling me I've got mail....

Answer 6

Bob: I got my wife a cherry red porche for christmas, what did you get yours?

John: O I got her a vibrator and a pair of slippers

Bob: Why on earth did you get her a vibrator?

John: Because if she doesnt like the slippers she can go **** herself!

Answer 7

That was good lol
I have a good joke but its too long to write.

How do you know when your upside down in a plane.......you can fell the **** coming through your collar

Answer 8

I like this one

Why are redneck murders so hard to solve?
Because the DNA is all the same and there's no dental records.

Answer 9

what do you call a donkey with three legs? A Wonkey

Answer 10

the jokes yr mom told me