What do you do when you are 40 and all your children are grown?

Question

My youngest graduated this May, he is in the Navy and leaves for basic on Feb 1 The more I am around their father, the more annoying I find in everything he(their dad) he says or does. Do I need to move on or just tough it out?

Answer 1

ENJOY

Answer 2

You make me laugh...you know my kids went to camp this past week and it was the first time in 14 years my hubby and I have been alone...well for 3 days anyhow...I had envisioned a million ways we would spend our time together...he didn't want to do anything...he did his thing I did mine...maybe he just didn't want to because we are kind of (well totally! broke) at the moment...but I'm thinking how often will we get this opportunity again? Well once again as always my dreams are dashed...honestly...is it any wonder women want out when they get to the point you are at??

Life is short and it all passes so quickly doesn't it? Everyone thinks they have forever but they don't.

No wonder people take the path of least resistance and just walk. I don't know what to tell you. If you walk it's going to be hard. If you think you'll be happier though then do it. If you still love the guy, tell him what you are feeling and that you want to know if there is anything left worth saving....it's do or die time. Don't be surprised if the chump is totally clueless and blown away by what you have to say...men tend to think we will put up with everything. How sad that we tend to walk just when they finally get it and need us most...(what's that Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholas movie...is it Something's gotta Give?...nothing says it better). THen again if you leave you could up like Diane Lane in "Under the Tuscan Sun"! LOL

You shouldn't have to tough it out now that your kids are grown....but you should decide if you want to die miserable or go out and take a chance and see if there might be any happiness left to salvage either in your marriage or out of it.

Answer 3

A couple years ago my children were all out of the nest. I realized for the first time since I was young, that I had hopes and dreams for the future.
I looked at my unhealthy relationship I was in, all the times we broke up, my heart broken and the lies by this man.
I thought is this something I want to take into my future. My chance to start over. The answer was no. I made my plans. He realized that my plans didn't include him and we split up.
I took him back off and on for a few more years. Then finally said enough. I think I had gotten so used to him. I mistook it as missing him. I also (Even though I'm Not unattractive) had this unreasonable fear of being alone. Biggy decision to make. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Sounds like you need to get involved in something that interests you. What are your interests? Movies? Books? Computers? Photograpy? Writing? Are you into working out?

I think finding an outlet will help. It's a new day as well between you and your husband since it sounds like the children have been the center of your world and you've had them as a buffer. To discover him again and remember why you married him, I think you need to first get back to who you are as a woman first.

As mothers, the person we are tends to get lost because our thoughts are so wrapped up in our families. What we really want gets pushed down or put on a very distant back burner sometimes never to be seen again as we embrace the roles of mother and wife. We forget that we are also individuals with thoughts and feelings of our own!! It's so easy to do too when your children need you.

Now's the time to figure out what YOU want to do and have fun doing it!

Answer 5

You are suffering from empty nest syndrome and it won't really kick in til after February, so you still have some time. Husbands can tend to get on your nerves especially when you don't have anything to do. Now is the time for you to enjoy life because you are still young. You can now do the things that you always wanted to do because you don't have to rush home to cook dinner. You and your hubby can take a romantic vacation or a romantic weekend somewhere. Enjoy and have some fun.

Answer 6

Have you seen the movie Failure to Launch? If not, there is one scene where Kathy Bates' character says to her son that she doesn't know what it's like to be just her and her husband anymore. This might be a transitional thing, or you may be realizing things that you didn't know before. If you love him, talk to him, see a counselor. This may be one of the stages of empty nest syndrome. Otherwise, you have some decisions to make. Good luck!

Answer 7

Give yourself some time to adjust, its really hard to say. Have you felt its over for a long time and you stuck around for the kids? If not see what happens. Find something to do with yourself, volunteer, get a job, find a hobby, take a class then decide what to do about your marriage.

Answer 8

you need to start living your life now , like I suggested to my mom, her kids are grown married with children , live her life go out and travel, join clubs, ..but she is single.... as for you , you need to make up your mind if you want to stay or go, I mean with your husband, now if you do stay and you probably join clubs , take little trips , keep you self busy so your hubby wont drive you insane , but do you think that the grass is always greener on the other side, maybe , you have to make that decision on your own, good luck my friend.....

Answer 9

Try getting to know each other again, without the kids in common now. Maybe you can find a touch of what attracted you in the first place.

Answer 10

been there, lady,it hurts, first you have to find out who you are all over again, get the romance back in your marriage,remember that first look, well you can refind it, then start a hobby or do things you never had time for before.but include your mate in on your new ideas.

Answer 11

start going out, join yoga or some work out group, get into something that people do in the neighborhood. Go to the bar. Have fun, it's your time.