Ok, I made a major mistake. How do I fix it now?

Question

I had my daughter at 18 years of age. I never once regret having her. I love her to death. But I do regret the way I raised her. I was very immature. I made some major mistakes and now at 5 1/2, she's a brat. How do I reverse this? My son is nothing like this. He really listens to me and follows through. They are two worlds apart. Could this be a mistake in my parenting or her personality or both?

I read Family First by Dr. Phil McGraw but I wanted to get some more opinions.

Wow, thank you for being supportive. I was afraid of posting this question since some people can be very brutal with their answers! Thank you for being honest and gentle with me....

Answer 1

Do not despair!
Not a Major mistake just a little hiccup.
As previous answerer replied they don't come with an instruction manual.
All are unique in their own way.
She is still going through the learning process.
My g'daughter same age is a fair little piece of mischief too.
Just try to be patient with her while still being firm but fair.
Above all you must let her now she is Loved.
It is not reversible but it is fixable.
Set aside a little time to just focus on her.
Read her a book ,do craft activities with her.
Take her see to a kid's movie or shopping and a lunch for a treat
Include both children in
some activiyies
.Don't try to change her and don't compare her with her sibling within her hearing.
I am sure she is a beautiful little girl ,who with patience and love and understanding from you she will grow to be a very nice young woman.
Be patient and I hope I have helped a little

Answer 2

I do believe that some people are just wired different ways, and that's why you can have two different offspring even if you try to raise them the same. So to answer your last question first, it could be both. That being said:

Children crave structure. That means be consistent with praise and discipline. Organize their day so they know what it is going on and there are as few surprises as there can be. Let them know what it is expected and then follow through with it...always! Never ever compare your son and daughter. They are each unique individuals with different needs.

At 5 1/2 you have you work cut out for you, but at least you recognize it now and can begin work. Don't give up and good luck!

Answer 3

I think that it is not too late...yet. It is really great that you have taken the step to seek help, because this is a very serious problem. I think the most important thing to remember when raising a child is to be consistent. In other words, when you say, "no more tv today," or "no, I will not buy you that toy," you must STICK to what you say. Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT go back on what you originally said. If you do, your daughter will know that she has you wrapped around her finger. You also need to be strict in enforcing your rules, such as a strict bedtime or healthy eating habits. I know it must be very hard to deny your daughter of anything, but you must be strong. At this point, I think it is all up to you to make the moves. Reading books or counseling at this point I believe would be fruitless. Also remember, she is still young enough to where you can still be in charge. Don't let this go another year, and things will be much more difficult.

Answer 4

Look at the way you react to her reactions. Perhaps you can modify your behavior which will affect her behavior. Reward good behavior which will encourage more of the same. Make sure that you follow through with reprimands for bad behavior. There is nothing that causes bad behavior more than parents who do not follow through or reward the child after a punishment because they feel bad for a 10 minute time out. Time will reverse the bratty behavior if you stick to a modification plan. Be patient. Your kids are 2 different people and have different personalities. Try not to be hard on yourself. There are no perfect parents and no perfect kids.
Good luck.

Answer 5

Was she always a brat? or is this something new?

When a child begins school, you lose control over them. Some other adults are influencing them, taking charge of what they think, what they do, what they put into their mouths. So it may not be something you did.

If she was always like this, then maybe you tried too hard. You loved her and wanted the best for her and couldn't say "no" to anything she asked. So you spoiled her. Lots of parents do this with their first child.

Be sure that you are consistent. Never say "no" and later let her talk you into changing it to "yes." This makes her manipulative. Always follow through with what you say. Compliments when she obeys, disapproval when she doesn't. And don't change your mind after you tell her something!

Answer 6

She's only 5 1/2, she's not permanently messed up. Some of that brattiness is caused by being a) a girl, b) 5 1/2 and c) her personality. So, if you recognize what you need to change in your parenting (not being as permissive, holding to consequences, whatever) then make those changes. She'll have a fit when you switch the "rules" she's used to, but she'll adjust.

As for the rest... well, the girl part you can't change. The age will fix itself, but she'll have additional stretches of brattiness at different ages as she grows. The personality will adjust as you require more of her and she matures.

Good luck :-)

Answer 7

Ok. I know how you feel. My Ex had a girl who was a complete brat, and still is, We had a son together, and he is a little angel.

The first thing you need to do, is not tollerate her being a brat. Get on her case and stay on her case, don't let her get away with anything,, After a few days you will see a complete change in her. (time outs work, Explaining to her what she is doing wrong that you disaprove of. in a adult mannor.

Don't just start whooping her out of the blue. Tell her that you dont like that, and that she will get in trouble if she continues to do that. then enforce it.

Answer 8

First, every parent alive makes mistakes. You can not change the past, But you have now and the future! Start setting firm boundaries and consistent punishment when your child misbehaves, nothing confuses a child more than on and off correction.

Another thing to remember, children are all unique. Every child needs to be dealt with differently.

One last fact, children have their own mind, and in spite of the best parenting will sometimes "act up", especially if they are a very strong minded child.

Answer 9

What kinds of mistakes did you make? Please realize that 5 1/2 years-old is still a very young age - it's not too late to start teaching her good manners. At age five, almost any kid could be a brat -it's like a "brat age". But of course you shouldn't let it happen, you should step in as an authoritative figure and make sure she understands what is acceptable in your household and what is not. Put down some ground rules (no TV after this time, or sleep at this time). When you talk to her, be concrete in what you are saying, but not harsh. You just need to let her know who is boss. Personality is a factor, but personality should not get in the way of her knowing who is in charge. Like I said, not much detail was provided, but hopefully this kind of helps. Good luck :D

Answer 10

Try not to call her names. She is behaving badly, but should not be labeled, particularly if it is due to inconsistent discipline. All children you ever have will be vastly different. I would recommend taking parenting classes. Then you will be able to make an informed decision about whether her behavior needs to be evaluated and is a sign of a physiological problem, or whether she is acting out for another reason. In any case, they will teach you how to deal with a challenging child.