My boyfrind has been controlling for the two years we have been together. what can I do to stop it?

Question

He is also very negative alot and accuses me of things I don't do. I love him very much though and sometimes I just think it is a phase he is going through and he will grow up someday. But he still is the same and I don't know what to do. someone please give me your opinion.

Answer 1

Girl, you should have put your foot down from the beginning of the relationship. Sometimes, us females will except a mans controlling behavior from the beginning of the relationship, just to make ourselves more appealing to the man.
You love him, so that means your willing to stick it out.
You need to talk to him openly and let him know these things are bothering you and you would like him to look at life in a more positive way, and if he's accusing you of things, (that might mean that he's doing it himself). Be careful girl, men are untrustworthy. After talking to him if he still remains the same or uncooperative. Ditch him, there are plenty of fish in the sea, who will appreciate a good woman.

Answer 2

Hate to tell you this but it's not a phase and will get worse instead of better without a very strong desire to change and a lot of help (which you can't give him). You may be able to give him some of the motivation. YOU can't stop it. He's the only one who can do that. What you can do is say something along the lines of this: "I love you. I think you are a good person. I appreciate your good qualities (list them if you want) but you are in danger of (or you are) driving me away with your controlling, negative, and accusatory behavior." (Now, once you say that, he'll say he doesn't do that, he loves you like crazy etc. etc. etc.) You must be firm and not waver or let him off the hook. He'll try to make it your fault by saying you flirt or some other crap. Just stay with your thesis, be kind, be considerate, but be firm. He needs to change (which will undoubtedly require help) or you're gone. He may well try to control his own behavior without help. Probably won't work. It's a tough row you have to hoe but think what it will mean if you let it continue.

Answer 3

If he's been like that for 2 years, I highly doubt it's just a phase...

You shouldn't expect someone to change and grow up someday. People do that all the time and get married, thinking that they'll change... and then they realize it only gets worse.

Another thing: you can't change someone else, no matter what you do. Any change that might happen has to come from himself. He has to want to change, no one else can change him.

I think perhaps you should ask yourself... if he never changed, and acted the way he is right now, do you still love him then? Or are you loving him with all of his negativity gone? That may help you out a bit.

As for what to do... if you can accept him the way he is, then everything's fine. If not, well... you should probably talk to him about it and see how to work things out. And if things can't work out, well, perhaps find someone else. Don't just quit things now, of course, see if things can be worked out first.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Chances are he's always been like that, and it took some time for you to realize it. Or he feels as if you are inferior. Some people need that power over people they feel are weaker. Have you talked to him about the way you feel?
The accusations are insecurity. If you stay in this relationship longer, I fear it will get worse.
Does he have a temper?He could get help, but I wouldn't suggest it if he's got a temper. If he's controlling it would just set him off and he might start beating you. When you love someone you don't want to think that could happen, but it COULD, not would. But now you understand what your father is going through.

Answer 5

There could be many reasons but none are good. I agree with some of the other answers that you should try to talk with him. If he has been in control for two years, and he hasn't seen a need to change, it is most like ly that he won't change. If he limits you with your friends and if he accuses you of things that you don't do, it can only get worse if you let it stay. The worst case is, and I am not saying that this will definitely happen, that he will get physically abusive with you. It may be best to get out.

Answer 6

I don't think a controlling person will ever change. He is very insecure so he thinks that by controlling you he feels better about himself.
Controlling people sometimes take it over the top by becoming a stalker if you try to break up the relationship so please be very careful. His controlling may become very harmful.
My ex was the same way and he eventually got a rifle and tried to get me to stay in the relationship. I was so relieved when I was fianlly able to get away from him. I finally had some peace of mind.
Good luck but please be careful and on your toes. God bless..

Answer 7

He won't get over it unless you put a stop to it. So what I would do is try and explain to him that your not his PUPPET and be firm and straight forward with him and tell him "HE NEEDS TO STOP NOW AND NOT LATER" if he wants your relationship to work. Based on his response will give you an idea whether you want to continue the relationship or not. If he doesn't admit to being controlling then I would definitely move on. IT WON'T GET ANY BETTER ONLY WORSE. GOOD LUCK, your going to need it.

Answer 8

All I can say is RUN.....RUN fast. he won't change! I've seen that behaviour too many times with my friends. He'll keep sucking you in. He's a control freak. Not a healthy relationship. Sorry.

Answer 9

You deserve so much better. If he controls you, that is bad. My sister is married to a man like this and he is mean to her, tells her who she can speak to and everything. Get out of it! You are your own person with a mind and abilities. You can stand on your own!

Answer 10

Why would you stay with someone like that? Your mind must be clouded. You are not his mother, so dump him and tell him when he grows up , to come and see you.