At what age should a mother quit bathing with her son?

Question

I've been dating a woman that has a 13 year old son. The other night I was over her house and around bed time for her son she gets in the shower with him.

When she came out of the bathroom with wet hair and wearing just a towel, I asked her what she was doing. She said that she has to shower with him at times to help her son clean himself that he doesn't know how or forgets. He is as normal as normal 13 year old boys should be.

She is from Brazil and says that is her culture and all mothers in Brazil do that.

It made me sick to my stomach and I got up and left. The next day I told my mother and she said that at age 5 that you should stop.

I have a 14 year old daughter and if I did that I would be arrested.

Is this really the culture of Brazil or is this just some sick game that she plays? At what age should you stop?

Answer 1

omg thats bad i really cant see that bein a culture i think u should keep ur eyes open and c wats happenin if she is abusing him or not if she is report her, b4 she ruins his life anymore that is not right i would say u would stop that at like age 3-4.

Answer 2

I think it's safe to go until 6. Once the kid turns 7, they would probably want to shower alone.. and as a mom you should teach them how, at least by this age!

Maybe the 13 year old doesn't mind bathing with his mom. If it's in their culture, can you blame her?

And about you comparing yourself that if you shower with your daughter.. well, I think men are different from boys and so are Fathers to Mothers. I think if I hear this kind of story happen, I'll be disgusted with the father bathing with a 14 year old daughter more than the Mother bathing with a 13 year old son.

Answer 3

I have a 1 year old son and I agree with you 100%. I am not familiar with the Brazilian culture...but that is gross and wrong on so many levels. I have a son and think that around the age of 3-4 it's time for Daddy to get in the shower with him if he wants a shower and not a bath. Once he is old enough to take a shower by himself then no parent needs to be in there...around 6 or so is what I would think.

Answer 4

Actually that is odd. I mean, I've never heard of such a practice anywhere.

I took Child Development class. And, I did a lot of learning about children and behavior and when you should do what and when to stop.

The age to stop bathing with a child should be 2. But, even though you don't bath with the child at that age, you should still go into the bathroom and check if they're washing properly, and whatnot. Because even at 2 years, children still aren't mature enough to be left alone in the bath tub. My sister's friend leaves her 2 year old completley alone in the bathtub, to run the water himself and everything by himself, and he makes the biggest mess in the world and doesn't even soap himself properly. Hence, why people need to accompany their children at bath time at the age of 2.

At five to six is when you can start leaving them alone, but making sure they shampoo right by checking their hair when they come out.

But 13? Ridiculous.

Answer 5

Wow, I don't know if that is actually Brazilian culture or not, but either way, she did NOT do her motherly job if a 13 yr old cannot bathe himself. Is she going to expect his wife to do that too?? I would really sit down with her and have a heart to heart without "pointing any fingers", because it might really be part of her culture, and just discuss the matter. Explain that our child laws are different and she could really get in trouble for that. Then maybe that will get her thinking.

Answer 6

This truly is a cultural difference. In many places, even people who are not relations bathe together in a bath house. What is unusual is that she still has to clean him. That I find unusual. This will likely cause no harm to the boy if he is comfortable with it, but you may want to let her know that at 13 he should certainly be responsible for cleaning his own body parts, and that if he can't she needs to teach him or get him treatment for a developmental delay.

Answer 7

I don't know what the Brazilian culture is for bathing children. But at 13, he is no longer a child, he is a teen. In the Jewish culture, that means he is a man!.

By the age of 5, a child should be able to bathe alone, with minor supervision. (check in on them occasionally) By 5, they should know to wash ALL areas.

By 13, this woman is committing a felony. I would not continue seeing her and report her to the Child Protective Services (CPS).
It sounds to me, that she is sexually manipulating this boy.

I have 5 children and 4 of them were able to bathe themselves by age 4. The fifth one is still only 3 yrs. old and nearly bathes herself. Mainly, I supervise her.

Seek help for this boy of 13 asap.

Answer 8

i would say parents should stop bathing their children during pre-school years or when the child is entering school. by that, the child would gain independence and learn the importance of hygiene.

after reading your question, i was sure i knew the answer. but the details struck me! i thought she was only helping her bathe her son not bathing WITH her son! man thats not proper! considering that her son is 13! wow! a normal 13 year old boy knows how to clean himself and it doesnt matter whether they are brazilian or from which part of the globe they may be! brazilian culture? i dont think so... so i guess she's playing some sick game...

Answer 9

I would definitely be creeped out by that. He should know how to wash and bathe himself at that age. My 4 year old nephew takes his own bath. Sometimes he gets a shower with mom or dad. I'd say 5-6 years old is the age limit.

Answer 10

I have a 6 year ols and he takes shower all by himself. I sit in the bathroom with him, but i usually play handheld yatzee. I know when i leave te bathroom he tries to dance and i am afraid he will fall. So he showers by himself but i am there to supervise. I think that no matter what culture at 13 boys shouldn't see ther mothers naked. Even so if its done in brazil she is living in the USA. There are laws.

Answer 11

boy this is a hard question, personally,there is no way i would shower with my 13 and 10 yr old boys. as far as culture in brazil i have no idea. when i use to get in the tub with my kids it was when they were babies, and i wore my bathing suit.