My Son keeps telling me he hates me and he does not love me should i be concerned?

Question

I am going through a very nasty divorce and my 2 1/2 year old son keeps telling his Father and I that he does not love mommy and he does not like mommy. Should i be concerned or is this just something he has picked up or a phase?

I dont speak nasty about his Father to him at all, I tell him Mommy and Daddy both love him very much, and I make an effort for my son not to see how his Father makes me feel, We dont fight in front of him, very rarely ever did even when we were together. I keep telling him that its okay to feel what he is feeling, and that mommy still loves him and will always love him.

Answer 1

That bites. Kids are so perceptive and get hurt a lot from divorce. I would recommend the book, "The Five Love Languages of Children," which discusses the 5 ways that kids give and receive love. From that book you can figure out the ways that your son especially receives love so that you can be sure to love him in the way he needs. As long as you continue to show love, he will most likely work his way out of this animosity eventually. But remember that divorce is extremely hard on kids of all ages and he can be expected to be upset about it. And the only person that he has to direct his anger towards is you. But keep loving, and he'll eventually realize that the divorce won't change your feelings towards him and he'll settle down.

Answer 2

Its not something he's picked up or a phrase. He's scared of losing Daddy, he's probably comfortable in the knowledge that Mommy will NEVER leave because she's his lifeline/heart. He doesnt understand that by saying what he does, that he could lose YOU....just thinks that if he says it, it will bring Daddy back and you'll be all together again.

On the other hand...if you have been really depressed or angry and saying bad things about Daddy...why wouldnt he say he hates you? How fun are you to live with (as Dr Phil would say?)...for a tot. Kids dont like to be babysat and ignored...they need ongoing loving/guiding attention...and to know you are connecting with them in a happy way. If you are doing this...then see the first paragragh.

Answer 3

I have to say both, It is a phase AND something he picked up. I'm sure that you kept your arguments from your ex as far away from your son as possible but the truth is they are like sponges :( they are capable of absorbing everything real quick and mis-interpret them specially on a 2 and a half year old

During my rocky divorce my daughter would constantly give me a hard time when i got to see her on the weekends, She would constantly tell my sister who picks her up about how bad i am and about how much she hates me, I took it anyways and continued to talk to her in a very careful and gentle manner and i would never bad mouth her mother and would ALWAYS say good things ..

I don't know if this is the case for you but eventually my daughter started to tell me all the foul things my ex wife would tell everyone out there about me..things that would make anyone's jaws drop but even then i still said only good things about my ex wife and eventually my daughter figured out who was lying and who was telling the truth .. if this is your case then i think it's a good idea to talk to your ex husband and tell him that if he has something to say to you that he say it to you directly instead of teaching your son how to hate someone

I don't know if this made much sense but i hope it helps!

Answer 4

If it's a nasty divorce (as you are saying) he probably picked it up from watching the two of you. Watching mom and dad go from happy to hateful towards each other and then watching one of you move out and live somewhere else is quite clear to a 2 year old. They pick up on alot of things we don't realize they pick up on. Just make sure you give him lots of love and tell him that it makes you sad when he says those things. He probably doesn't realize that it hurts your feelings.

Answer 5

I would be really concerned myself! and I sure as hell would not let him get away with it.. When my son said that to me cause he was mad I smacked his little *** and sent him to bed and told him it was wrong to say nasty things like that.. he never said it again!.. It may be that he needs counseling tho.. I'm sure he is feeling a lot of stress and maybe he just means he doesn't like being around you right now cause you are so snappy or stressed???.. or is your ex an asshole and telling him to say it? Kids at that age will do anything when prompted enough.. I would look for help.

Answer 6

He probably says he hates you because he thinks you're the cause of his father leaving. You need to ask yourself how the environment was before the divorce and look at how it is now. Are you getting custody of him? He's probably just really attached to his father. If you're getting full custody of your son, then he probably just thinks you're kicking his father out. You just need to get some books or research online on handling divorce and your child.

Answer 7

It's a phase kids go through to express their preference in parents in this time of emotional turmoil. Boys want to be with their Dad and girls want to be with their Mom (usually). Give the child some time to grow up and realize what he is doing.

Answer 8

I wouldn't be concerned, I have 3 children that tell me that all the time and I am split from their father, I honestly think that it is just a faze that children go through, whenever he tells you that he hates you, just remind him how much you love him

Answer 9

You would be surprised by how my your child knows and has picked up through your divorce. Children can sense things especially when their mother isupset. As far as him telling you that he hates you and he's two...must have heard it SOMEWHERE maybe not from you but they don't learn the word hate from nowhere!!!Maybe you should consider family counseling.

Answer 10

He's just lashing out...I wouldn't be concerned..remember he's just a little boy who doesn't really understand what's happening in his little world!! He may have heard your (soon to be) ex saying you hate mommy?! Mine did that...just keep hugging and telling him that mommy loves him and you'll see...he'll just stop saying it...