I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years, lately our relationship has totally gone down the drain. We fight all the time and he told me my feelings were not valid. It's tough because he is there in little ways but not when it hits the fan, he is with his friends and is not there for me.
Then theres my friend who supports me and he is really a great guy. He is upset b/c I won't leave my boyfriend. I do care for him, but right now friendship is all I can offer.
I feel like I owe it to my boyfriend to see if we can work things out, but at the same time I if he doesn't value my feelings and is unwilling to work things out should I bother?
This other guy is a great guy and I don't want to hurt anyone but how do I explain to him even if it doesn't work out with my current guy I can't walk into another relationship right away?
Why is friendship never enough?
When is it time to say it's over and when it's over how long do you wait for your broken heart to heal?
2006-08-11 05:33:16 · 14 answers · asked by Farmgirl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Alright! First your boyfriend. You have problems that can only be solved if both parties are willing to work it out. There is a point in which you have to say that you did your best and it's time to move on. And the truth is, if he did care for you, then he would validate your feelings. The fact that he doesn't is reason enough to leave him. He sounds selfish and immature, and if he's not willing to change then he's not willing to put what he should into a serious relationship. You don't owe him anything. You owe yourself first and foremost. Remember, love is selfless, but a relationship has to be a bit selfish. Otherwise you're stuck with someone whom you love, but who doesn't love you back.
And as for the friend...he's a basket case too. A true friend will not have an alterior motive. Looks like he's being "nice" and "supportive" just to put the moves on you. I'd cut the strings with him too. In that sense you seem to rightly realize you need to recharge before you jump into another relationship right away. It's best to wait until you are happy being alone for a while (devote time to yourself) before you start again.
Remember--in this case you have to make decisions for what's best for YOU. You can't take these guys' feelings into account, and if they really cared about you then they would understand.
2006-08-11 05:59:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You say that your boyfriend says your feelings are not valid. Well this is wrong and if you are fighting all of the time you should split. But...... you on the other hand are spending time with another guy and since you say he supports you, you have shared your feelings with him. He says he is your friend but obviously wants more. First of all this is called an emotional affair at the very least. You want your boyfriend to open up but meanwhile you are sharing part of yourself with another. First of all get rid of the friend for a while. If he is truly your friend he will understand. You are clouding the issue splitting yourself this way. All of your problems stem from this. If you are not capable of this do your boyfriend a favor and leave him. And as for the friend do you really respect someone who is basically telling you to leave your boyfriend for him? Think about how you would feel if your boyfriend had a girl saying the same to him.
2006-08-11 06:06:59 · answer #2 · answered by jackson 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i hope you can work things out with your current bf. But if fights and arguements is always what happens and if hes never there for you, I do not see why you want to stay or make things work out with him. As for your other friend, just explain to him that you are not looking to be in a relationship if things dont work out with you and you bf. If he still gets upset over that, then honest to say hes not a great guy if he cant understand that.
2006-08-11 05:39:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have the same problem I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and 2 months but now we are always fighting and i have this guy who is there when i need him but he likes me and is mad i am still in this relationship but I've been with my boyfriend for so long and had so Many good times together that i think we can work things out but I'll give him a year if things don't work out then we will go our separate ways. it will take a long time to heal but i know you won't be able to forget him no matter how hard you try hang in there and if you ever need to talk you can talk to me.
2006-08-11 05:40:48 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK I have to ask, why do you feel you owe your boyfriend anything? He clearly doesnt care about you enough to be around. You need to dump this guy and be single for a little while. Your boyfriend tells you that your feelings arent valid? WTF? Why would you want to be with someone like that? Just cause he was nice before. Well he isnt now, and now is what matters. Dont be un-happy life is too short. Dont date this other guy. He will be a rebound and thats never good. Just be his friend. If he wants more tell him its friendship or nothing. If he truly cares for you then he will be your friend. Good Luck and TGIF!
2006-08-11 05:37:41 · answer #5 · answered by taz4x4512 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell your b/f that you two are just growing apart and you think he's not happy and you know your not happy so you should both go your separate ways , nobodys fault..... just the two of you growing in different directions then tell him to find someone to make him happy, tell your friend you appreciate all the support hes givin you and would like to see if the friendship is strong enough to get you through the rough times of your breakup and then when things in your head are all clear as to what and where you want to be maybe the two of youi can go out on an official date of your own
2006-08-11 05:43:41 · answer #6 · answered by transplanted 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there'll continuously be themes in a relationship. it rather is the way you cope with the themes that be sure the consequence. there is no such factor as not having a controversy. unquestionably everyone seems to be distinctive and that could reason friction maximum suited to "themes". handling those themes till now they get out of hand (as long as they are not severe, like cheating), will improve the relationship.
2016-10-01 22:56:34 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
X if you wait it will never heal. If you go on with your life and eventually time will set your heart and head free in a better direction. Good luck XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
2006-08-11 05:40:12 · answer #8 · answered by asoldierswife 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can i just say this...If you feel like u OWE ur bf ANYTHING, its time for u to move on because in love u dont OWE your partner anything but honesty and respect...gl
2006-08-11 05:39:28 · answer #9 · answered by eve11en 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's time to say it is over, when you write about it on line, but when you are not happy, sad, and argue , let it go, it won't be perfect, but it should be in harmony, someone else will come along that you can be happy with, don't settle for less
2006-08-11 05:36:27 · answer #10 · answered by Koko H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋