He moved in with us in Dec. Started working in March. And brought his 18 year old high school drop out of a girlfriend to live with us (and consequently not work) since May. My husband won't kick them out because he is older and "helping" his little brother. I think my brother in law is a moocher. He doesn't pay rent or utilities yet they have access to a full living room, 2 bedrooms (which they recently bought $700 worth of exercise equipment for)and a full bath in the basement. How can I ask for help with bills without having him get offended and it being weird around the house?
2006-08-11 05:10:50 · 15 answers · asked by Bev 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I would look at the bills or the balance book for checks and compare how much more it is having them stay. Also
figure in how much more they have been costing you for groceries. Also take into account not having as much privacy and the impact that has most likely had on you. Definately talk to your husband and tell him how you feel and give him the hard facts and numbers. Approach it as calmly and logically as possible- talk martian to him as well as venitian,lol, he will be more open to suggestions and your case that way.
It is good to help people and family but it is also good to have good boundaries. If they have the money to buy 700 dollars of workout equipment-they have enough to help with bills. Not giving people structure can be just as damaging as not giving people love. You have to have a balance of both. If there is not a mutually beneficial relationship between you and your husband and your guests there will always be resentment.
Your feelings are valid and you have a strong case.
If things aren't having any negative effect on your husband you can adjust that, for example- just don't buy groceries. Make your husband do it- men hate additional chores. If he doesn't buy any- then I am sure your guests will get tired of it and buy some themselves. You might have to give your husband more structure in order to get him to help give your in-law situation more structure. As far as presenting to your in-laws you both need to do it. Just state the facts and have them be put in your shoes. Put them in your situation in your presentation. Let them know how you feel in a diplomatic way. If they are unwilling then give them a deadline date and be firm and make your husband be firm. If your husband really loves your brother- he would want better for him, he would want his brother to be a man and have a home of his own and grow and better himself.
2006-08-11 05:49:33 · answer #1 · answered by Pinky 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are in one H--- of a spot! I know - been there!
Talk to your husband - Tell him how you really feel. Tell him you feel used. Also - this worked for me - tell him that you could be saving a lot of money for your future if his brother started paying some rent and utilities. I got out the old utility bills and showed my husband the difference. It worked! He talked to his brother. As soon as they had to pay - they were gone!
Another thought - You could go to the basement and start using their exercise equipment - at the very time they would normally use it! That might help, too! They might get mad and leave!
2006-08-11 05:24:29 · answer #2 · answered by Blond Logic 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st of all u need to have a sit down w/both of the moochers along w/ur bf and let them know that u can't live anywhere for free and that now that he works it won't hurt and it would only be right if they assist w/the bills that they help accumulate..
let them know they need to pay half the rent, half for the utilities, and half for the phone, cable bill if there's one.. and if he gets ugly about it let him know that he has til the end of the week to decide what he's gonna do because he then needs to find a place of his own.. in which he'll be paying more $$ for his bills..
also let him know that u and ur bf was nice enough to allow him to stay and that he has not right bringing someone else to stay w/him especially when he pays no bills and no home of his own..
u can't just be bringing people over to shack up when that ain't even ur apt.. how rude.. he needs to put the teenager out to, even if he does start helping pay the bills.. let them know this is not a 2 family house.. if he wants to play house w/his gf then they need to get a place of their own..
never should u be inconvenienced in ur house by a guest and their guest....
don't be afraid to speak up either.. hell let them read my answer if u scared....
2006-08-11 05:20:29 · answer #3 · answered by Queen D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been thru something similar.
Tell him his being there is costing money and you need help.Your man is not helping him by letting him live there rent free.
My situation did turn into a family war,(hubby's mom said "what did she do to my boys!?")Anywho,my hubby stayed out of it.My bro-in law got kicked out.Now,we have an understanding..the longest he stays is 1 night,maybe 2.We all agree.
Be straight up,don't back off or you'll end up in the poor house and he'll move on to mooch off someone else.Stop it before it's too late.
2006-08-11 05:32:18 · answer #4 · answered by L.T. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him if he thinks that your husband deserves to be disrespected in his own home by a little brother that is taking advantage of his brothers good nature. Ask him if the shoe were on the other foot how long would he let his brother and his skank girlfriend live for free before he kicks them both to the curb?? Maybe he thinks its OK, it this doesn't help then send in your husband.
2006-08-11 16:37:52 · answer #5 · answered by charleedude 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you need to make sure your husband backs you up on this. If he doesn't, your BIL will just go and complain to him when you ask for rent.
Together you and your husband should ask them for rent to "help out." Your and your husband will still be helping them out as long as your rent is cheaper than an apartment.
Good luck to you.
2006-08-11 05:20:54 · answer #6 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't, Your husband.. His brother is the one who needs to bring this up. If you do it your putting yourself in a bad predicament, but if hubby does it... hey its his brother. If you Husband disagree's you guys need to talk it out and come to an understanding. please no unilateral action unless you are fully prepared for the possible consequences (Hubby might tell you its time to go, some people place family before marriage) Good Luck.
2006-08-11 05:28:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is one thing to help someone out for a few days or maybe even weeks, but you are talking over half a year. Tell the bozo he needs to be paying for half of everything or get out!
2006-08-11 05:19:39 · answer #8 · answered by sweetnessmo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NICE does not pay the bills.
Its time to pay the band. He is not going to offer. Moochers do not offer, they keep taking what is being GIVEN to them
2006-08-11 05:18:06 · answer #9 · answered by Annie R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him when is he having " house warming party" in his new flat. If he is sensible he will get the signals.
If he doesnt come out with answers. Do not hesitate to ask rent.
2006-08-11 05:17:18 · answer #10 · answered by Eyedoc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋