how do I come to terms with finding out I can never have children?

Question

I'm 25 years old and want children with my husband more than anything in the world. I'm very open to the idea of adopting or other options. What I'm asking for right now is advice on how to come to terms with my current situation.

Answer 1

Well, the option of visiting an adoption agency or an orphanage (do they even exist?) has its pros and cons, but both should help you come to terms with your situation.

The con would be those feelings of anger at the parents who could have children and wasted the opportunity, who treated their kids so badly or gave them up. A lot of anger and resentment can come from that. It may be something you have to go through anyway, get it "out of your system".

After that, look at the children in a different light (here's the pro). I believe that infertility is just a way of making adoptive parents. Parents who want so desperately to care for another child that they would take on somebody that they didn't have to, to choose a child to love and volunteer to be that childs parents forever. What greater gift do you have to offer a child than that? There are many children who need a loving home, especially children over a year old (everybody wants a baby).

My mom was adopted, and we have since found her birth mother (when I was in kindergarten). She has discussed her feelings with me when I was older. When I was born, she was angrier than ever at her birth mom for giving her up. "how could somebody give up their own child?" But when my sister was born, she realized that her birth mother must have hurt terribly to be separated, no matter what her circumstances would have been. She sought out and found her birth mother, and continues to have a loving relationship with the mother who raised her and her birth mom.

You have a wonderful opportunity here to be a parent. I chose to marry a man with 4 children from a previous marriage, chose to be an instant mom at the age of 20 to them. I thought for a few years that I couldn't have children either, even considered adoption if I was not able to conceive, but I now have a beautiful baby boy. You might get that outcome, you might not. Either way, you will find peace one way or another, and I hope you can find it without too much heartache.

Answer 2

First of all let me say how sorry I am; I don't think u can just come to terms with it but more or less just accept it; as difficult as it will be but try to look at the bright side-- adopting you will be giving a child the love, care , and understanding because someone else who could have children either died or was unfit to care for them. The other opinions maybe a little harder for u to accept (being that u can not have children but let ur husband father a child-- extremely bad on ur mental health--just my opinion though), Just realize U r a wonderful person for caring enough to want to give a child a life that would otherwise be denied from them. You r going to make some child very happy and it will be good for both of you in the healing process (you for being childless and them from being motherless). Good luck and know You will be a wonderful mother!!!!!!

Answer 3

I believe in God and I believe in his wisdom. You must be a wonderfull person that he has choosen......maybe in your heart you´ve always known that he has choosen you for adoption......
Can you even begin to imagine the good you will do in this world?
If you had the opportunity too bear a child in your own womb you probably would not really consider adoption.....
You´ll have the chance in your home to raise a "Gandhi" instead of a "Bin Ladden".....
And you should join a chat or club for these
"special situation persons"
So, how do you come to terms with this? Looking on the bright side....see the half full part of the glass instead of the half empty...... I hope your family and your husband support you and make you feel OK with your situation......

And please let me add one more thing........
don´t give up trying to conceive...........I see you write the word "never" in the title of your question.......
you never know what God is planning for your future, so don´t stop trying to acheive your goals........and lots of luck!!

Answer 4

I'm sorry that you can't have children, but maybe God can work a miracle in your life. I've known others who were unable to have children but were miraculously able to. As far as coming to terms with it (if no miracles occur immediately), the best thing is prayer. Pray to God that he will help you overcome this and help you know what to do. I know that I would be sad if I found I couldn't have children, but you have the opportunity of adopting a child and giving them a better life. I know it probably won't help much, but I hope that your heart mends quickly. God bless!

Answer 5

Well, as in any difficult turn of events, I always think that things work out the way they do for a reason. That whatever happens in your future regarding this is the path that was meant to be. I know this isn't quite the same, but recently I didn't get a job that I really really wanted, and was upset about it. But a few weeks later, a job turned up that was even better. All we can do is to make the best of the hand we're dealt.

Answer 6

thinking about it.. making your peace with it. but until then you can learn about adoption, foster care.. there's soo many kids out there without a family... they need a family, give them one.

be prepared you'll be eyeballed by the state allways.. until they're grown up. (social services all that) you must be in the right state of mind and patient. and have thick skin!

until then... think about it and learn all you can, talk to foster children, those who were that are adults now.. talk to families who fostered children also...

talk to those who adopted.. so on.. talk to agencies also, get the know on everything you have to know.

and those pro's and con's too.. it's not easy with anything you do especially if it's through adoption and the government agencies being involved.

patience is a must and that growing thick skin.

alot of misunderstandings goes on a plenty to in this field.

find out more online also!

the more the merrier.

good luck.

Answer 7

Im sorry about what you've found out. I dont know if you believe in God, but truly that is where life comes from, NO WHERE ELSE. You and your husband should pray, and ask for what you want, God said he'll give you the desires of your heart, believe that and wait for your miracle. and you never know, he probably has some child or children for you to take care of that need the expertise that you dont even know you posess. I hope this helps you,

Answer 8

I would recommend counseling. This is a very deep and very emotional issue. Adopting, while it will allow you to parent, will not help all the emotions you will go through about the parts you will miss. I wish you the best of luck. This is very difficult. If you ask for a referral from your doctor, you may be able to get it fully covered by your insurance.

Answer 9

You are definitely allowed to grieve. This is a loss for you and your husband. But don't dwell on it. Give yourself a set time for the pity party ( you deserve it) and then start looking into adoption. Stay busy with everything. And don't forget your husband. He wil need his time too. It is a very sad time for both of you and you will overcome especially when God sees to it that you are handed a new baby to adopt! It will happen.

Answer 10

you do not at all somewhat come to words, as a woman, that's in you to decide on babies, it somewhat is thoroughly and a hundred% organic and in case you may no longer then this is something which you will not at all completely come to words with. there is not any feeling that'll ever evaluate to motherhood so while you may attempt to fill that void with different issues, don't get down on your self once you at the instant are not fulfilled thoroughly. My maximum suitable suggestion is to embody the folk around you which you adore and that love you, shrink out the folk who you do no longer and proceed to "attempt" (in different words have lots and an excellent sort of unprotected intercourse with your husband) and if and whilst it somewhat is meant to be, it's going to happen. demanding approximately it consistently can unquestionably make it much less in all probability because of the fact the strain point can influence your hormones, so basically attempt to no longer situation approximately getting pregnant and leave it as much as destiny. yet returned, do no longer spend your life attempting to recover from it in case you may no longer conceive, it's going to not at all happen, basically settle for that it sucks that at this element you may no longer have young babies and shop on residing under the muse which you will no longer completely pass over what you not at all had.