Should it be ma'am, misses, miss, sweetie?

Question

While dining out the other day, the waiter was very friendly and called the women at the table sweetie, doll, and other such congenial nicknames. Two of the women were offended and asked to be called ma'am.

Personally, unless we are at a very formal restaurant, I think ma'am is for old ladies. I much prefer a flirtier nickname like sweetie.

How do you feel about this? Is being called sweetie at a casual restaurant disrespectful?

Answer 1

Yeah some women have displacment issues. Where as they have been disrespected or undervalued by a family member or a boyfriend sometime ago and this waiter is just being friendly and they attack him for trying to make them smile.

If I am have a serious conversation with you and I use a pet name I could see you being a little angry because It may appear as thou I'm not taking you serious.

At a resturaunt, com'on now there is no need to be nall stuffy. Tell those women to loses up the elastic bands on the powder puff blue granny panies.

Answer 2

Ma'am is a professional, business-like "endearment" which is certainly due to any and all women. By calling a woman, sweetie, doll, etc., which whom you do not know, and you are in a service oriented business (waiter, administrative assistant, etc.) is just opening up a can of worms and asking for trouble. Would this same waiter (as you've described in your question), think of calling a man "sweetie, doll, etc"? This is degrading to women, because it's not taking a woman seriously and being far too familiar with someone whom you are waiting on. Everyone should start out calling a woman "ma'am" or (calling a man "sir") and wait to see if the person in question chooses to say that the other person can call them either by their given name or a nickname. Nothing should be taken for granted. The ONLY time (in my opinion) that someone should say "sweetie, doll, etc." is when addressing a child.

Have a lovely rest of the day. My applause to you - this is a very good question. In this day and age, people are too laxed in regards to courtesy and respect.

Answer 3

True politesse must have heart. If you can tell someone has their heart in what they're saying, then you can forgive if they render an impropriety.

Standard etiquette recommends that strangers and professionals stick with the titles "Mr., Miss, Ma'am," in English-speaking society.

Sweetie is also a regional thing. In some areas, sweetie or honey is a term of affection, used not only between family but also by folk in certain rural regions, or within neighbourhoods such as Brooklyn, Camden, or Newark.

The best response is the beau geste, the grand gesture of forgiveness, or a polite request, with a smile. This usually gets desired results.

Answer 4

Whether the waitstaff is male or female, it is extremely rude for them to call their customers by pet names like "sweetie". I have hated that kind of treatment my entire life, as a child, teenager, and adult. No one has the right to call you by those kinds of names unless they know you very well.

I have found such treatment to be more common in the central and southern United States, and not so much in the northern states.

It is disrespectful. Ma'am, Miss, and Sir are the expected forms of address in most business situations - eating and paying for a meal at a restaurant is still a business transaction. After all, the waiter would be extremely offended if his customers were to address him as "Sweetie"!

Answer 5

I've never liked "sweetie", "doll", etc. I've always felt it was disingenuous. While I like the occasional "Yes ma'am", I think ma'am should be reserved for certain situations like formal gatherings, or if your kids are old enough to have kids. I really prefer just a simple yes, or "right away", or some other gender neutral comment. Unless you're in the South, there I think I would be offended if I didn't get a ma'am with my McD's fries.

Answer 6

I cannot stand being called "sweetie", "honey", "darling" or any other dumb name. I find it to be degrading and condescending. And a waiter should NEVER use such terms with an older woman, they should be treated with respect at all times and use the term "ma'am". If you don't like being called "ma'am" it is perfectly acceptable for you to say, "Oh, please don't call me ma'am, it makes me feel too old!" and then the waiter will know what your style is.

Answer 7

Yes, VERY disrespectful. It's demeaning and overly familiar, and I would be offended too. No one in a business or service setting of any kind should ever call a woman "sweetie," "honey," or worst of all, my personal all-time biggest fingernails-on-the-chalkboard irritant... "babe."

Ma'am at least is courteous and within the bounds of proper etiquette. Although since "ma'am" connotes an advanced age, the waiter who always gets a smile and a big tip from me is the one who calls me "Miss"!!!

Answer 8

Im sure he didnt mean it in a demeaning manner, but some women feel that such names are condescending or patronizing. He was probably just doing his best to seem friendly and personable. Having previously working in the service industry I found it was better to be a more cautious, which meant being a bit more formal than necessary, in how I addressed my table. He should have stuck with 'ladies' or something like that.

Answer 9

I am somebody who does not like being called sweetie, etc by people I don't know well. It's a sign of affection and if you don't know me well, it just seems fake and uncomfortable.

I don't like nicknames from people who don't know me basically. It's too intimate.

As a server of 9 years(not proud of it), I can tell you that you can not come up with a name that suits everyone. Somebody isn't going like what you called them. I don't say ma'am, sweetie, or anything. It's the only safe bet.

Answer 10

I will definitely take offense at a stranger calling me sweetie. In a situation such as that, ma'am or miss will work just fine. 'Sweetie' is only allowed for those I am close with. I find too many foreign men on here like to address complete strangers as that, and that is definitely a great way to piss me off!