My mom and dad are split and my dad dose not...?

Question

My dad never calls me or e-mails me and writes to me or anything! I never meet my dad till December 25,2005 and my b-day was January 5 and i am 14 and i went to his house for the summer and he was married and had 2 kids! And neber told me one day i went out side and got there picture abulm and saw him kissin' and huggin' and here w/ my dad at there wedding day! turns out that when i frist saw her i thought she was my dads room marte bc he is the army turns out that they been married for half of my life which is 7 years i had to find out the hard way. the day after that i asked him is she your wife and he said yes how did you now and i put the pictuers of her and him in his hands and i left his house for about 3 days. Now he yells at me and i say to him that i was a mistake and he said yes but i yelled and he siad i am sorry and i hit his hands and he siad no you were not a mistake ever sines then he never called me or any thing so do you think i should do plz help me plz?

Answer 1

watch the sisterhood of the travelling pants and then go yell at him

Answer 2

You have a very difficult choice to make.

Forgive or not.

If your forgive your father for his numerous mistakes, and assholery behavior, then it might inspire him to live more conscious of you and his little ones as well. I know it might be hard to understand but sometimes when you feel like you have screwed everything up in your life, you can have the urge to forget it all and try to make the best of a new life.
No its not right, and very selfish, but it is easier than working thought the problems you have caused, so a lot of folks choose to do this.

If you want to have a relationship with your father, you must forgive him, and tell him you forgive him. Then make him and you accountable for your future behaviors towards each other, if he doesn't call, you call and tell him to call you. If he doesn't return your letters, keep writing and asking for a reply. Sometimes life, and kids can overwhelm you to the point that you think it would be better if you weren't involved. SO MAKE HIM INVOLVED. Tell him everything about your life, give him total trust and I promise you that he will improve and come to know his daughter. Forgiving is good for you too, in that you don't have to carry the hurt anymore, and you can move on with your life and develop a relationship you could not have without forgiveness.

Forgiveness is what makes someone holy.

Answer 3

He is the one who has missed out on wonderful you. No person is ever a mistake, doll. Many people are unready to accept their responsibilities and have no idea about how to set them right. You are too much for your dad to handle... he's been extremely a weak man concerning you. My daughter and her dad have a similar story. When I decided to stop making a concerted effort to track him down and take her to visit (we broke up when she was 5 - she's 13 now) he kind of disappeared. He'd call her on her birthday and Christmas and take her shopping or to the movies like 2 X/year and in the meantime had other kids and married, but he falls so very short of what a dad should be. She has a good stepdad. Try to expect nothing from your dad. That's the best way not to be hurt. Just learn about him in order to know yourself better. Understand that you are a gift and a prize and having knowledge of yourself is enough... he could never make up for 13 years of absence, so don't expect it. Just accept him where he is, but never settle for anyone else in your life not cherishing you. Happiness is the best revenge. DO NOT feel jealous about his wife or other kids, just embrace them as your bonus family and give your Mom all the love and thanks she deserves. I'm praying for your healing and happiness, love.

Answer 4

Wow, that is rough! My heart goes out to you, hon.
Somehow you have to believe that how your dad is is HIS PROBLEM. It is so important that you understand that HE is the grown-up and should be treating you well, and he is failing. He is a human being, and is making a mistake.You are not failing.
You are responsible for keeping your hands to yourself, and not saying mean things. When YOU misbehave, it makes a bad problem worse, not better.

You are in a position that you didn't ask for. You are being treated badly, and it is NOT your fault. Try to make it better, not worse, by what YOU do.
If I were you, I would try to avoid your dad, except maybe to let himcall you every now and then. I would tell my guardian that he was mean and abusive to me. Tell the truth! Say you don't want to have anything to do with him, until he grows up and is ready to act like a father to you. You shouldn't have to hang around him just because he is a relative.
He needs to EARN a PLACE in your heart. If he doesn't want to bother, why put yourself through the pain? If he wants to bother, he has some work to do, for you to trust him, or care about him.
Either way, you need to ask at school to see a counsellor. You are carrying a huge weight for a young woman. You need some help to make the best of it. Don't be embarrased. Care enough about your own life to take care of yourself.
That said, try to remember that you get one dad. He is just a guy, full of mistakes, and problems, and joys, and interestes, just like YOU are. Try to be a forgiving person, not for him, but for you. It will help you in the long run.
I had a step-mother that I couldn't stand. My dad let her slap me around and did nothing. Her teenage son raped me repeatedly.
It was not my fault, but it damaged me, anyway.
I have had counselling so I can have a nice life now.
Good luck to you.Let us know how it goes.

Answer 5

I was in a situation alot like your. My dad had a new family and I wasnt as important as I thought I should be. Truth is the wife didnt like us. My dad did love me he just had to sneak around to show it. I will never forget the last conversation I had with him. He told me he loved me when he let me off the phone. i was 22 and live about 5 hours from him. Two weeks after the conversation he passed away from a heart attack. What this all boils down to is try your best to spend time with him because you never know when you will not have that choice. Good Luck

Answer 6

ignore his a s s.. ur his child.. u didnt' do anything wrong.. u need space right now to accept all this, u know the lies the deceit.. he owes u and ur mother an apology... hell more than an apology.. ur hurt and u have every right to be.. but he should come looking for u, he should be trying to contact u to make this up to u not the other way around..

right now u need space to breath, speak to someone who can help u through this and if u don't plan on waiting for him to call u which could be never (dads become deadbeats when there not with the childs mother anymore) then u call him and u vent.. thats' the only way ur gonna get it off ur chest and that's the only way he'll know how hurt u truly r, not to say that he'll care because if he kept this from u then he doesnt.

good luck and keep ur head up....

Answer 7

It's up to your dad now to make the next move, but he doesn't sound like a very good dad. I know that now is the time that you really need him around, but he doesn't sound like he's going to be there for you. Maybe try just talking to him on the phone once in a while - and who knows? Perhaps he'll get to know you that way, and that's a start.
I left my husband after 24 years of alcoholism, and he used to beat me. But that's not looking for sympathy. The thing is that I took our then 7 year old daughter with me. He knew where we were [in another city] but he would never phone her. But sometimes she wanted to talk to him, so I would phone him for her. EVERYTIME that she talked to him, he would promise to come and visit her, but he never showed up. It broke my heart to see her sitting there waiting for him. I finally phoned hime and told him never to promise her again.
But when she was 14 1/2, she decided that she wanted to go and live with him and his girlfriend. There was a big court battle, but I found out the hard way that when a child is 12 years old, they can decide where they want to live. So she went, and she was never my daughter after that. She came back and lived with me and her stepfather 3 years later after her father walked out on her and left her with the rent not paid, and no phone and no way to get into town, so I went and got her. We gave her a really good life - but she didn't want it. I haven't seen or heard from her since she got married about 12 years ago. And her father died just before the wedding
So I guess what I'm trying to say, is that life is not fair, but stay with your mom until you've established a better relationship with your father, and if that doesn't happen, then be happy with what you have.
Good luck and God bless.

Answer 8

your story is a bit confusing but instead of him calling you why dont you call him and talk to him about it tell him how you feel and how you feel that he has never been there for you and now you found out that he has been married for practically half your life and you didnt know anything about it. That your not ok with it because it seems like he didnt care about you eneough to tell you he was married and had a family with kids and all...
just call him and say "dad i need to talk to you its really important" and tell him how your feeling about this whole thing
sorry i cant help much... good luck :)

Answer 9

i have had problems with my own father as well and he did cheat on my mom when i was 7 too. I think dads feel their own guilt when it comes to situations like these i guess that's why dads never try to contact thier child. I think the best way to handle your situation try talking to your dad in a calm way and dont YELL at your dad. Tell him what you feel or your opinions and maybe that will make things a little better.

Answer 10

I have about the same kind of problem. I never see my dad nor do I talk to him. I guess sometimes it is hard for fathers to look at their daughter when him and his wife (your mother) have split. Its hard for them to look at you because they see their ex-wife. It could also be because there is a possiblity that it was a mistake but you have to remember that even if you don't talk to him nor see him, remember he still loves you no matter what. You should call him or go see him and try to work things out. You shouldn't go your whole life without a father. That is the best advice I can give..

Answer 11

I am sorry that you are going through this at such a young age. I suggest that you talk to your mother about the problem. If she says that it is good for you, I suggest sending him a letter telling him just exactly how you feel, then I suggest that you get some therapy. Therapist can help you sort out your feelings. Good Luck and keep your chin up!!