I need some advice from a parent! My 5 yr old son just started Kindergarden and is having a hard time coping?

Question

He started on Monday this week and did fairly well, the teacher said he had cried for me a few times but the next day only during nap time a little bit and Wednesday when he came home he said i'm not going back and i told him he was so the only way i could ease his tension was to tell him i would come eat lunch with him yesterday and i went and his class had already sat down to eat and he thought i let him down and had a meltdown in school and i came and he wouldn't let go of me so he had to go home with me since his work was complete for the day i took him home and said you will have to go back tomorrow but when this morning came he wouldn't get one the bus with my other 3 children and i had to take him to school kicking and screaming! I know he had to have cried for a while but i don't know what to do! I never had this problem with any of my other three children but of course him being my last baby he is very attached to me, Any suggestions???? PLEASE HELP!

Answer 1

Read him "The Kissing Hand", by Audrey Penn. Most bookstores or libraries will have it. It's about a racoon that doesn't want to go to school, so every day his mom kisses his hand and when he feels scared or lonely at school, he puts his hand on his cheek and gets a "kiss" from his mom. You can do this with your son, or draw a little heart on his hand. My son's preschool reads this book every day of the first week of school, and it was a HUGE help for my shy little boy, who starts kindergarten on the 30th! (I'll be pulling that book off his shelf in a week or so for daily reading!)

Also, ask his teacher if he can keep a small photo of you in the class somewhere safe, like his cubby, so he can "see" you during the day. Sometimes, teachers will let scared kids make one phone call home during the day. If he has a phone "token" that he has to give up when he makes the call, he might learn to hold onto it longer and longer. Start with 2-3 tokens if needed.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

Is this the first time he has been away from you? If so, this is normal attachment behavior. Even if he did go to preschool before this, some kids can have a difficult time with transitions. Leaving you for a whole day can be traumatic for your little one, but a necessary part of life. You need to make it as easy as possible on your little guy in the mornings and stand your ground. You will do him no good by "saving" him every day. I have worked with preschoolers for 14 years now, and I've lived through the meltdowns. This is what I tell my children's parents.... Give a kiss and hug, tell them you love them and will see them later, and GO. The longer you drag out the leaving, the worse it will be. If he is supposed to ride the bus, you walk him to it, give his hand to an older sibling, say goodbye, and let the bus driver deal with the screaming on the way to school. Separation anxiety usually only lasts (in the screaming area) for a week to a month. Once your little guy gets in the routine (and understands that mommy will always come back- or he will always see mommy when the bus brings him home) it will get better. Until he gets the idea that school is where he stays during the day, don't go to the school. As you have seen, this gets neither one of you anywhere. I'm glad that the day he wouldn't get on the bus that you took him to school anyway! Good for you! He will get the idea... I know it is hard to see your little guy cry (it was hard for me when my two started school), but you really don't want to perpetuate a cycle of this. State your expectations clearly in the morning... "I want you to take sissy's hand and get onto the bus. I will see you after school. Have fun, and I love you!" Be firm (but loving, of course) and don't waver in your convictions. Don't show that you are frustrated with him (even if you are) and don't linger waiting for him to pull himself together (he's putting on a show just for you!) Rest easy knowing that his teacher has undoubtedly dealt with this before, and she can handle the situation. In a few weeks, you'll be able to look back and say to your son, "I'm so proud of how you can go to school like a big kid now!"

Answer 3

Have you considered not sending your son to Kindergarden? Everything he learns there you can teach him at home. As a mother, if you sense he is more vulnerable than your other children, then he might truly need a little more time at home with you.

Kindergarden is not required and is really more of a social outlet and playtime more than anything, which he can get at home with you and also through play dates and such. Maybe you can keep him out this year and use the time to prepare him for "real school" (1st grade).

Or, if the teacher is agreeable, you can have your son go into to kindergarden sometimes. My mother did this with my youngest brother when he was homeschooling. That way he was not a full-time student but he got some exposure to school and was more comfortable when he actually enrolled. Find out what the school can offer.

Best of luck!

Answer 4

I went through pretty much the same thing when my daughter started Kindergarten. It didn't help that she never went to preschool and all that. If it help at all, I came to realize weeks later that she thought I was bringing her there (to school) because I didn't want her anymore. Once she got over that fear, (which took many sleepless and tearfilled nights) things started getting better. She is now 25 years old, but it still breaks my heart. If it's at all possible, try having some of your child's classmates over to play after school. This way, on his home ground and in his own time, you child will see that maybe school isn't such a bad thing after all. The other thought here, is to check and see if there are other children bullying you child.

Answer 5

Well, I've worked in a daycare for 2 years now and it's pretty normal. Kids usually cry in front of their parents but it'll last 5-10 min. max. The best thing you can do is drop your kid off, give him a kiss and tell him you love him. Then leave. It's easier for the teachers to deal with it and it's less of an impact on the child. going to school and staying gets in the way of the teachers trying to get the kid use to them and trust them. It might take a while but don't give up. You're doing the right thing by letting your kid expereince daycare.

Answer 6

See I'm afraid I'm going to have the same problem with my youngest on the 21st. I'm thinking of just having my oldest walk her into school. But with you having to use the school bus that's harder. I think I would call the school and talk to the principal or teacher if you can get a hold of them, and see if they have any suggestions. But I wouldn't go back for lunch until he's used to being their. It sounds like he needs a friend in class too. Maybe talk with other parents in the class and see if you can set up some play dates on the weekend, and that will get him attached to one of the kids and maybe that will help him want to go to school to see them. Good luck.

Answer 7

This is a hard time for b oth you and your son....My seven year old daughter who is starting 2nd grade just started crying about 10 minutes ago saying she is scared of going back to school. As parents we wish we could protect our kids from all fears and stay in school with them until they tell us it is o.k. to go, but truth is we can't and you just need to try to be very involved in his life when it comes to school. When he comes home ask him how his day went, constantly ask if anyone picks on him and try to visit the teacher at least once a month. Maybe you can ask his teacher if you can stick around for ten fifteen minutes every morning until he settles in. I have found that usually it only takes a few days to settle in. Once he makes friends he will be o.k. Ask him why he is so scared of school?

Answer 8

My younger brother QUIT kindergarten and came to my 2nd grade class and said..."let's go... I'm outta here" ~ My son starts on Sept. 5th...and I fear the same thing..I'm a stay at home mom and he's been with me EVERY day for all of his life...BUT he's excited about school and I think he'll be fine...Just let your son know that you'll be there everyday when he's done...and he 's a big boy now...and how PROUD you are of him...works for my son..My husband just started working nights and our son is VERY attached to his dad...my husband made him MAN OF THE HOUSE...and tells him he needs to take care of the house..maybe you can say "when you're in school you're a big boy and you can help me when you get home.."

Answer 9

This is normal behaivour for a child entering kindergarten. Don't go and have lunch with him anymore until he gets used to going, b/c this only makes things worse when you have to leave again. He will be okay with time, after he makes friends and gets used to his schedule. He also needs to understand that he is going to have to be away from you sometimes but he will always come home. And that no matter where he is, you still think of him and miss him as well!! Being a parent is tough, but he will get through it!!

Answer 10

I had the same problem with my 1st one..All I did was take her to her kindergarten room and showed her how much she will have without me there.. I always told her I loved her .. Also, I found her a friend that was in her class and had that friend come over and the next day my daughter asked if she could walk to school with her friend and her mom. I said yes. and now she doesn't have any problems leaving me..