how do you tell your controlling grandmother to back off and stop trying to raise your children?

Question

my mother wont stop critizing my parenting style and makes little comments about it , how do i get her to stop before it ruins my relationship with her?

Answer 1

tell her to stop or it will ruin the relationship.

really, i'm the type of person that will not deal with idiots and i don't have to. i pretty much do not rely on anyone outside a very small circle which includes me and my husband. when you have kids you have to set up boundries. there are things that are okay and things that are not. if you want to go out without your kids, but the only babysitter available is mom who thinks it's okay to let the kids do something you don't aprove of you have to ask yourself how bad do you want to go out? or if mom wants the kids and you know she diciplins the kids in a way you don't aprove of or gives them things you don't want them to have, you say, "no, not until i can trust you."

you have to understand that kids need consistancy. if they see that you and your mom dissagree on issues that will confuse them and then later on in life they will use it to manipulate both of you. a healthy relationship between you and your mom is best for the kids, but if that is not possible you are going to have to figure out how to avoid situations where you will clash.

when we first had our son i asked my mo-in-law to not smoke when we were at her house. she didn't think there was any problem with smoking around kids and it's her house so i can't make her stop. solution: we didn't go to their house unless it was summer and we could be outside. we invited them over to our house plenty of times, where she had to go outside to smoke, but i wasn't about to let her fill my baby's lungs with smoke just so she could see him in her home.

well i guess i'll stop rambling, the point is you gotta draw your lines an dnot let people cross them, no matter who the people are!

Answer 2

The truth-open your mouth and say the words. I suspect that the only reason that you haven't is because you don't want your mother to be angry. Let her be angry. She will either get over it or she won't. Regardless you will let her know how you feel and you need to stick by it. The thing is that people only treat you how you allow them to treat you. Your mother will continue to do this until you tell her that it's unacceptable.

You don't have to be mean about it, just sit her down and tell her, I know that you are trying to help, but when you say those things, you make me feel like I don't know what I am doing. I want your advice if I ask, but I would appreciate it if you would stop criticizing me. If your mother takes it well, that's fine, but if she takes it badly, DO NOT BACK DOWN. Hold your ground and make sure that stand up for yourself.

Good luck and I hope this helps.

Answer 3

I just became a Grammie for the first time. I know my daughter has done things differently then me, but I have to accept it's her baby. One thing that drove me nuts, is that she didn't nurse the baby. Something I'm an advocate for. That was our biggest difference. I finally gave up saying anything because she was adamant she wasn't going to do it. Just tell your Mom to back off. It's your child, and you'll raise it the way you choose. You can listen to some of her ideas, but you don't have to follow through. Good Luck !!!

Answer 4

ask her if she thinks she raised you right when she sayes yes then ask her why she dont think you can do the same tell her shes a great granma but the job of mama belongs to you then tell er you love her it is so hard to watch a younger person make what se thinks is a mistake and not try ond help exspeshaly if you love them but its imposable to not make any when raising a child be ferm but kind after all you might need her sometime when you whant to go out or somthing and an older persons advise could be verry helpfull tell youll ask if you need it

Answer 5

I would politely tell her that you appreciate her trying to help, but that these are YOUR children. Tell her that her job of raising children is over and that it's now your turn. And should you need any help, you will be sure to call her.

Answer 6

Tell her that you want to talk to her and in very clear English set your boundaries.....period. When she starts to crititize you, tell her that you do not want to listen to her and if she continues, leave. Remember, "Loose lips sink ships". You have the control here since you have the grandbabies. I am a grandma and I learn that one a long time ago. I know enough to zip my lip....but this will be all up to you, sweetie. If you start defending yourself then you have lost the battle. It is all about setting boundaries and not arguing!!!

Answer 7

He's only looking out for you, Tell him i want to do things on my own then maybe he can realise he's been over protective, Maybe is Mom wasn't a good mother thats why he's like that.

Yuo never know what it could be

Answer 8

Unless you have taken her as your idol, she has no right to raise your children without your authority.She can correct them when they are wrong. It will not be bad for your to call her and face her with the issue. Stay not quiet when you are to talk. Your fear to talk to her will ruin your children and you donot wish them a bad future.

Answer 9

Are any of her criticisms valid? Is there anything that you could take constructively from her? If her thoughts and opinions are completely wrong and bad for your child, ask her or tell her to butt out.

Ask her "if I'm doing so many things wrong raising my child, how could I have learned to do so many things wrong if I'm your child and I learned from you?"

That should shut her up.

Answer 10

Don't worry about your relationship with your mom, worry about your husband and your kids seeing that. Tell her to back off, and if that doesn't work, ask her if she's considered going to one of those over 55 yrs old apartment complexes.

ITs harder on your guy then on you. and if you don't have a husband. Its 3 times harder on you, don't let her continue to get away with it.