Why am I always depressed?

Question

It seems like everday, I get into an argument with my boyfriend and almost every night I am crying. Sometimes I stop crying to figure out what got me so emotional in the first place. The first thing that people tell you is to see a doctor. Well I went to see a doctor and of course they told me I was depressed...which is the obvious and then they just gave me a prescription to take. I have been to 3 different doctors and all have done the same procedure, but question is why? Sometimes I feel like there is no way out. My biggest fear is to end up like my siblings, broke, uneducated, negative, and unhappy. With the exception of being "uneducated", I seem to be going down the same path of having no financial stability, being a negative individual, and being very unhappy. Why is this happening? How can I break this cycle, live me life and be happy?

Answer 1

OK, this is an interesting question. Here is a freebie from a someone with a counseling degree. I can give you overall general tips, but it would be more helpful if I knew how old you were, what you're doing professionally, how many siblings there are including yourself. Questions I would prompt you to ask yourself is to figure out when you started, what made you compare yourself to your siblings? Are you doing this because of what you heard about them or about their situation, or what you're feeling may be a failure. You may be a perfectionnist, and if not the youngest, one of the younger ones. There are many ways to word the questions you are struggling with. I think you could have asked any of the following questions:

1. Why do you feel emotionally drained even when things around me are going well?
2, Why do you need to think of finding yourself in situations that confuse me? (comparing yourself to your siblings and their situation?)
3. Why are you so fragile emotionally?
4. Why do you undermine your own efforts?
5. Why do you dwell on negative thoughts?
6. Why do you feel the need to compare yourself to your siblings?
7. Why are you so taken aback with following in your siblings' footsteps? (besides the obvious of not wanting to be broke)
8. Why do you feel so hopeless?
9. Why do you feel disconnected with the world around you?
10. Why would you be sensitive to rejection? (If not having the best jobs means you're not a good person)
11. Why do you feel unimportant?

I think you need to start accepting your siblings for who they are. That does not mean that you would feel comfortable or enjoy their lives, but look at them for the individuals that they are. Do you think that being broke means being worthless? Just because it seems more appropriate, I will look more closely at #6.

Our society is structured around given norms. We are constantly judged in what we do, what we think, what we say...or what we intend to say...We kept being compared to a "norm". Psychology, medicine, engineering, whatever the fields may be, comprison forms the basis to evaluate anything and everything. We judge everything (behavior, success, weight, height, appearance...) according to an established and ever-changing norm. So when it comes to people, it's no wonder you're quick to offer up a comparison as a basis for judgment.

Comparisons provide an opportunity for you to feel better about yourself without having to improve yourself. You don't have to measure your progress based on accomplishment. Instead, it is based on comparison. Although you are quick t compare yourself with others, you prefer not to compete with them. Competition may be injurious to your ego. You need to be able to pick and choose whom and what you are measured up against.

It seems to me that you may have been surrounded by people who kept comparing you to your siblings, you are the only one who can change your own mind. Therapists can help you. Watch out for the hokie pokie psych talks though! I

If you want to feel good about yourself, you need only find someone worse off. Comparison also allows you to justify your ow behavior, which you might otherwise have difficulty rationalizing to yourself. Is there any guilt for having succeeded in life that may be held against you? (I believe you may be educated, though it is hard to tell from your message whether you feel "education" or uneducated"). When you feel in a self-deprecating mood, yo need only glance at the achievements of another to further reinforce your feelings of inadequacy. You get to enjoy the "benefits" of tearing yourself down without having to do anything.

How to change that? Here are a few very simple rules:

1. As soon as you compare yourself to someone, be mindful of it, and say to yourself, or out loud STOP!

2. If the feelings you uncover is inadequacy, take a moment to appreciate (without judgment) what the other person has. Cultivate a feeling of gratitude for all the gifts and qualities you have in your life.

3. Look at your motives. For instance, if you're feeling worse when comparing yourself to your siblings, then it is about inadequacy! Stop tearing yourself down. How can you handle that? Well, compare yourself to your detriment, and just say: "...and that's what's s great about me". It sounds stupid, but if you repeat it to yourself in such a manner anytime you feel bad, it helps you build yourself up. Then, study your siblings, and without judgment, try to figure out what you can learn from them to help yourself improve YOU. If you think they are all losers with nothing to gain, since you come from the same stock, you may feel you automatically inherited that trait! Wrong! They have something to teach you. And that is for you to figure out. Once you get to that stage, you may realize that you're not comparing yourself to losers, but to people who actually helped you make the most out of the life you have been dealt. This does not mean that you can't change it. Some aspects may be harder to change than others, but you do with what you have, and start building from there. I hope this helps a little...as generic as it may be.

About the psychotropic meds, it is important to know that once you start on them, don't EVER stop them on your own or change the dosage on your own. It is also important to realize that they take a little while to start working, namely 3-4 weeks! Just wanted to make sure that you are aware of that!

Answer 2

I do the same thing. You need to find joy in EVERYTHING you do. If something doesn't make you happy in any way then you need to walk away and find something else. Take one thing as it comes. So if your curling your hair then you need to find something about why curling your hair make you happy. It could be that you think your pretty with curled hair. If you bf doesn't make you happy then you need to leave the room and start something that will make you happy. You must remember this and it is easier said then done but YOU ARE INCHARGE OF YOURSELF and ONLY YOU CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY also NO ONE IS DEPENDALBE TOWARDS YOU BUT YOU!. Simple to say but hard to imply.

As far as being broke maybe you should find another job that pays a little more or get a second job if you can. I understand if your a mother and don't have the time. Also and most important only hang out or around people who are positive. If you hang around negative and complainers then that is all you will be. Postive people can't make you positive but they change your views to see a more positive side.

One thing at a time take it as it comes.

Answer 3

I'd suggest you find something...

Some people find God, others find yoga.

When your family's lives are not a good representation of what you want your life to be, many people often times feel depressed. We are so closely associated with our families, particularly our siblings that we feel a certain kinship to all of their qualities, good and bad. When their priorities seem out of whack to us, we worry that the similarities we possess will mask the differences between us to people on the outside.

You know deep inside that you are different. Firstly, no two people can be the same, but above and beyond that, you see your family and you don't want to end up as they have. That makes you different. Just aspiring to something you see as greater makes you different.

Beyond all that, you need to come to peace with your family. No matter how hard you try, no matter how far you run, they are always going to be your family, so they are always going to be a part of you. You need to learn to see the good in them, because even though you don't necessarily want the life they lead, it doesn't mean that its not the right life for them. You should support your family members in what they do, because until you can see why they are good the way they are, you may never be able to see yourself as good the way you are.

Like I said, God for some, Yoga for others

Follow your heart.

Answer 4

Don't know why he is depressed.... he probably does have a number of reasons to be that way. BUT, he can snap out of it. Start by naming all the things you have to be thankful for. Read the Holy Bible and see what all you have to be grateful for. Do you have five fingers on each hand? then be grateful for it. Are you physically connected to a Simese twin? No? Then thank God for that. Your attitude has to change. Don't let him pull you down too. Lighten up and when he complains..... come back with a "So what?!! And then point out to him the bright side of the situation. But be sweet about it; other times try to reason with him.

Answer 5

It seems to me that depression is being treated with drugs because it is considered to be an ailment. I have anxiety-depression disorder and I have found some non-prescription dietary supplements that have kept my symtoms from recurring. I personally feel that if you are depressed and there are reasons for it, it's normal. If you have things going wrong in your life and you're not depressed, that's when I think there is a mental disorder. Emotional disorders, I think, are mostly created by psychologists so that they can justify treating everyone who comes into their offices.

Answer 6

Read Religius Books atleast an hour per day. Meet friends who are care free n happy in whatever state they are in. Have happy thoughts & a build a self confidence that You Would Overcome. Positive thinking would lead to Positive Actions & that would give positive benefits & outlook in your life.
Try to smile at strangers, show kindness to other people & trust me you would change.

Answer 7

What I would recommend you do is to visit a PSYCHOLOGIST. The difference is, psychologist is NOT an MD, and he/she does not fix your problem with medication.

Instead, he/she will try to analyze your problem and make you realize why you are unhappy, and gives you options on what to do. Bear in mind though, it IS a hard work to make the suggestion work, but because it is not based on medications, the effects are long lasting. Basically, you learn how to live with yourself with an aid of his/her assistance.

Good luck.

Answer 8

Very often there is a trigger factor imbedded within your subconscious mind. When ever there is some associated thought or word from another, there is a reaction.. Your appears to be distress. Yet you don't understand why it occurs.

What needs to be done is; to have elimination of that trigger. It can be easily done.

Answer 9

Whatever happens to you depends on you.

It means you have to change yourself for the better. Don't rely on others too much; just focus on nurturing yourself. Get rid of all your negative thoughts, and live out from your fears. Strive to be happy.

Answer 10

You need medication to correct the balance of chemical stuff in your system. Take the medicine and you will feel much better. It is like when you have runny nose or high fever you need medication and rest and then everything will be back to normal.

Answer 11

Best ask your doctor. Medications like Prozac and Zoloft and others can do remarkable things in helping you have a better day. Don't sit back and be miserable....Happiness awaits you.