here's a loaded question...?

Question

i am an incest survivor. would really like to what a perpetrator is thinking. talking father/daughter here. not wanting to judge, vent, rant, rave, etc. really, really don't get what could attract a man to his young daughter. anyone brave enough to answer?

i am impressed and touched by all the responses i've gotten. and, yes, i am in therapy. but - as some of you may know - therapists make a point of not addressing that question because it does not involve the victim. but what victim doesn't feel a need to understand?

and - big point here - i've always heard the "abusers were abused" hypothesis. but i, like many of you who answered, have children of my own and - NOOOOO WAAAAY.

as some other survivors know, often mothers refuse to accept what is going on, regardless of any overy indication. my mom couldn't deal with it; and when i was young, there certainly wouldn't have been much support for her or her other 3 kids. she did what she could with what she had. but i think all of us survivors come out of it with a deep seated distrust not only of men but of our own sanity.

Answer 1

genetic predisposition with perpetuating one's own genes

Answer 2

Hi, fellow survivor of an incest situation. My stepfather. Four years of fear and pain burned into my memory and yet I also wonder why. I also did the whole therapy thing, but in all honesty it did not and will not ever work for me because that question remains unanswered...WHY?

As a Christian I was raised to forgive and love your enemy's, but I have such a deep rooted hate for this man that I don't think I could ever forgive him. I get sick to my stomach every time I think about it, and the site of people that resemble him sends chills of fear down my spine, that are quickly replaced by instinctive thoughts of attack. I have had to stop myself several times when in public places from attacking some man because he looks like the demon that molested me.

But what hurts the most is the fact that even with medical proof, documents from school social workers and outward displays of "affection" from this man my mother still denies that this ever happened to this day! That coupled with the unanswered questions makes it hard for me to heal.

Answer 3

i, too am an incest survivor, i` watched the series on American justice about pedophiles, the person that commits the act -feel like they are "helping" the child ,because it is "love"that makes a pedophile feel like this l-in one account ,it showed a convicted pedophile, who had no remorse for his actions,they honestly do not believe they are doing anything wrong.however, as a survivor i think it should have much harder sentences-LIFE-cause it messed my life up-a lot, blessing to you , stephanie, while it`s happening as a child you feel very dirty & confused. so your answer cannot be true-even though they will tell you it`s o.k.( my abuser used that one.) YOU are so right about abusers abusing -i was so scared that that might happen to me- i have a daughter, but i can honestly say that i could not put another person thru what i went thru.when people get caught for their crimes,they will use any excuse to get out of it-i feel like this gives the victim a reason ,not to admit what happened,because we have low esteem anyway,who wants people looking at you as a potential perpatrador.

Answer 4

I don't think anyone will ever know what these incestuous, perverted predators are thinking. For some reason, they think it is ok to do WHATEVER they want, just because they have the urge. Everyone has the urge to hit someone that is making them angry or hurting their feelings, but how many of those people actually act on it? It's all about control over impulse, even though their impulses are barbaric and disgusting. I'm glad you can talk freely about you being a victim. Kudos.

Answer 5

i took a sex class in college and my professor who had worked for master's and Johnson ( well known sex researchers) had somewhat of an explaination for why men or adults would want to have sex with children be it incest or not. Basically as we age normal folks are attracted to those around their own age, when you are thirteen you like other thirteen year olds.....when you are twenty you like other twenty year olds, when you are fifty you like other fifty year olds....im sure you get the idea. But there is a part of our population who have some sort of defect - those they are attracted to do not change. there are men who are attracted to 10 year olds, they always have been and they always will be. my best guess is that your father wouldnt be able to explain to you why he was attracted to you he just knows that he was. I happen to like tall men.....can i tell you why? no. I wouldnt waste my time trying to understand what your father did or why. This is a time for you to heal yourself. My friends daughter went through the same situation as you. her daughter's abuse lasted from before second grade all the way up until the girl's dad managed to get her pregnant. Thankfully he is in jail now but the daughter has so many issues. its affected her self esteem and she is currently in a crappy relationship. she went through a time when she was permiscious as well. this is very common for incest survivors but its something you can avoid. if you have not gotten counseling i suggest you do.

Answer 6

first of all, I am soooo sorry to hear you had to live through something like that...second, I also can not see what could possibly attract an adult to want to have sex with any child. It really makes my stomach turn to think of a man wanting to molest a young girl, I completely cringe to even think or bring up, when they choose to do this with an infant. The only answer I can come up with is they obviously have some mental issue that they need to work through with counseling and possibly meds.

lastly- God Bless you for being so strong and being able to move on in your life. ;o)

Answer 7

Cases I have seen have invovled the father seeking a form of revenge on the mother. One case the man blamed the wife for working too much and another for not having sex with him enough. Now I am sure this doesn't go for all cases but it is just what I have heard from convicted sex offenders.

Answer 8

i don't really know.
i've often wondered this very thing after watching crime shows on TV like Law and Order SVU....
i don't know if anyone can truly answer this except for those who ARE the predators.

perhaps it's the inoccence that appeals to them, the idea of the untouched and then perhaps the fact that their daughter is so close that they give into the temptation....
i don't know...just guessing.

or maybe it's a possesive thing?? i don't know...

Answer 9

I'm a spiritual person. Feel that it can be a destiny problem (maybe he was attracted to you in a past life). It can be negative energies inside of him. Psychologically it can be from his own past abuse, but i have a problem believing in this. I was also molested as a child. There is no conceivable way i could do this to my child. Of well, se la vi.

Answer 10

i really can't answer this question because i don't see how any one can sleep with a child no matter if they were related or not that is nasty i wish u the best of luck keep up the therapy and i hope u filed charges against your father i know its hard but i know u don't want him anywhere near u again

Answer 11

i was going to ask that as well. i am wondering because it is a fact that it is happening and everybody keeps saying: ohhhh, it is soo bad - **** off. but what is really going on in someones head? from a neutreal point of view?.....but i did not do it because i did not feel like getting all those hate-mails...

i hope you receive the answer that you are looking for.
all the best in your life.