How would you deal with a rape when you are a man ?

Question

I have been raped by others boys when I was a student some years ago (when I was 19...I am nearly 22 today) and I finally realize that I didn't enjoyed the last years of my life. I believed to have overcame this problem as I am now rarely scared by others people (even if I still have a problem with people I don't know) but some weeks go, I went out with a girl for the first time in years and when time came to go further with her (sorry if I shock prude & very religious people) I was unable to touch her, as I was unable to let her touch me. What would YOU do ? I know there is no magical solutions but I am seeking for a solution, something allowing me to have a even more "normal" life.

Answer 1

I would tell you the same thing I tell my female patients. Take your time with the opposite sex. You don't have to rush in. Just enjoying dating for awhile. When you find a girl that you want to share this experience with, take your time, a lot of holding, touching, caressing and cuddling You don't have to make a home-run on the first night. When you're ready, try taking a bubble bath together with candle lights and soft music. It sets the mood. This is too important to rush in. I f you take your time, it's more likely to be a pleasant experience. That's important for your future. Good luck. If you need more help, contact me

Answer 2

I can not say I know what you are experiencing - although sometimes I think its better not to be sexually involved with anyone.

However, if I were to use a logical avenue for you..., take the sexual pressure off and have regular "dates" with women. If you find you're falling in love - take your time, and if the person is right for you, you can talk to her about the problem. Not all - BUT a good many women are more understanding than you think and will try and be helpful.

Sexual relations outside of marriage is not a good idea, but still you need someone with understanding in your life - even just a very close woman friend with no romantic ties. That would save you thousands of dollars with a shrink that could do no better.

You're in my prayers.

ONE LAST WORD: I knew a minister who was brutally raped when in high school. He managed to move past it and had a wonderful marriage and really great kids. God helped him a great deal.

Answer 3

Realize that this has happened to other people. You're not the only one this has happened to. What happened was tramautic, but you can get over it and past it. Other people have, and so can you. The best thing to do is NOT to define your life by. Don't call yourself a survivor. Don't dwell on it. Don't divide your life between "before it happened" and "after it happened." Move forward. Look forward. What happened was NOT your fault. There was nothing you could do about it. Realize that what happened to you only happened to your body. Your body isn't you, only a shell in which you live. What happens to the body doesn't matter because the REAL you is inside the body, and they can't touch that part of you. That part of you is immortal and indestructible. Go on with your life. Let go of this one brief moment and go forward. If you can, maybe think about volunteering to help others who've experienced the same thing and help them move forward too Good luck, and remember, the sun keeps on rising every day, and there's still a lot of good in the world.

Answer 4

You should go to a psychologist. Therapy could be very beneficial. If for nothing else, you can talk about everything and just have an unbiased person hear you out. I assume you didn't report the incident when it occurred? I know that most states do not recognize that males can be raped, so I'm not sure if reporting it would have done any good. But getting some sort of reparation (if possible) from those who assaulted you may help cope with things better.

Answer 5

I'm sorry about what happened to you. You CAN get help for the way you feel, and with time you can enjoy sex again.

Start by finding a therapist who works with survivors of sexual assault. You can ask your doctor or clergyperson, or if you would rather stay anonymous, you can call a local crisis hotline.

Your therapist might also help you find a survivors support group. Many groups exist specifically for men who have been raped. You are not alone.

In the meantime, the next time you go out with a woman, take things slow. Before you get intimate, know her well enough to at least say, "I am dealing with some issues around my sexuality and I may not always feel comfortable." (Heck, call back the first girl and tell her. She may be glad to know that she didn't offend you!)

Answer 6

Rape is not an easy subject to deal with and its not something easily forgotten. From your reaction it is obvious that you have lingering effects because of what happened. I belive that you should seek professional help. There are many resources out there for rape victims, and while they mostly cater to women I don't think that they would ever turn away someone who has been hurt in the same way. Only by talking it through and confronting fears will you be able to have a healthy relationship with another person. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 7

Rape is a crime against the very essence of any person , man or woman.
One has a sense of vulnerability after that experience along with self shame and lots of anger and distrust.

Again rather one feels one is past the experience or not it will benefit you to seek intervention. It is never too late to go to a rape crisis center for help.

And these people who raped you, will rape again.
Many times rapist kill to keep from being identified. Count your self fortunate that you survived.

For some really good advice on how to truly let go and move on I suggest that you go to the web site www.joycemeyer.org and click on the segment beauty for ashes. It's free to view, burn, download or if you want the package it's only about $10.00. I have given as a gift to women who were raped as a child.

Good luck and 22 is still very young. Your life will improve as time goes by. Best of luck.

Answer 8

Sounds like you may need professional help. No shame in that -- what happened to you was very traumatic and should never have happened in the first place. A psychiatrist would be best, but if you can't afford that or don't have health insurance you should be able to find counseling in your local area for free or for a small fee. If all else fails, you can talk to someone in a local church for free. As for the rape itself, if you're inclined to press charges you need to find out what the statute of limitations for rape is in your state. In most states it's 5 years.

Answer 9

Wow, I have never come across a man who has been raped. I am sorry to hear what happened to you. I am a 17 girl, I was fondeled, if that is what you would like to say, by my best friends brother. That was over 4 years ago. I know what you are going through, I still don't like to be touched by people, in fear of another incident, But, maybe you need someone to talk to, a counselor, not a psychiatrist or a psychologist. but someone who is willing to listen to what you have to say..... I am sorry I couldn't be of much more help, but take care.

Answer 10

Well you need to help prosecute the guys who did this to you. You must go to the police, and report them, if you know their names. Give them any information you can come up with. They have detectives who will investigate and bring them to justice. That's your first step. You are a victim, and you need to help prevent those sick freaks from doing that to any other guy. What they did was very sick. You need to have a normal life, as a normal man. You were inappropriately touched, groped, fondled, and penetrated by another man. It doesn't mean you are gay. It does mean that the guys who did it to you are gay. You need serious counseling, so you don't have this trauma with you the rest of your life. After you get over this, which will take some time, you will be able to meet a girl, fall in love, get married, and make love to her, which God intended for you to do. Godspeed!!