I'm a little frustrated, and sad about my relationship with my step-daughter. I basically try to give her everything, and everyone tells me that I spoil her too much, but what I'm really want is for our relationship to flourish before she leaves. She's 16 and plans to go away when she graduates. I've known her for 8 years, but I married her mother only a year ago. I don't have any children of my own, so all my love goes to her, and well I don't think she feels the same, she doesn't call me dad or anything like that. Any advice? Any step-daughters out there who have gone through this? Any who have had a good relationship with thier step-dad?
2006-08-10 16:54:30 · 13 answers · asked by gunshow25 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sit her down and tell her how you feel, I'm sure you will find she feels the same way but is afraid or doesn't know how to say it.
2006-08-10 17:00:20 · answer #1 · answered by Michelle 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My step dad was my real dad. And he didn't give me everything. Stop trying to buy her...she knows what you're doing. Be a parent. If you don't know how to do that take some parenting classes or read some books. Remember that teenagers don't really like adults anyway, so stop taking it so personally. You say you've known her 8 years...but do not indicate if you have been in her home for 8 years. If you have just been her mother's boyfriend and did not take an active parenting roll with her until the last year, why would she think to call you dad? Does she have a relationship with her biological father? Is he parenting her? Or is he trying to buy her affection as well? All of these things will influence her relationship with you. Don't give up. Parenting is a life long commitment. If you do the right things for the right reasons she will see it eventually.
2006-08-10 17:08:00 · answer #2 · answered by Deb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm saying this from a daughter's point of view. I think that love shouldn't be developed from materials. (Love has no price.) I agree that you might spoil your step-daughter too much. Perhaps, all she really wanted was to spend time with you. Maybe what she really wanted wasn't the things that you give her. I understand that she is going to move as soon as she gets into college, but hey, what kind of teenager wouldn't want that. Try spending time instead of giving things and see how that works out. As for the title, perhaps she still misses her biological father and have not yet accept the fact that a new man is taking her father's place. I know it's been 8 years, but you have to make her understand that you don't want to replace her father. Good luck and best wishes.
2006-08-10 17:01:55 · answer #3 · answered by Crescent 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try giving your daughter uncoditionall love and drop the step bit I found out this works well my husband has taken on my kids but my oldest who is 16 just calls him by his first name and he has accepted that but they have a mutual understanding and respect each other depending on the circumstances on the seperation of her father and mother that might be playing a part the most that you can do at this stage is be there for her and let her know she is loved and before she goes give her something to help with collage like a card to call home if she needs help or something like that. Good luck with it all parenting can be challanging at times but even harder when you are a step parent.
2006-08-10 17:20:50 · answer #4 · answered by ozi_nut 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all does she keep in touch with her biological father? I think that is nice that you want to be in her life and like a father figure to her. But if she is keeping in touch with her real dad then that is why she only considers you more like a close friend. But don't get your hopes up to high because she may always feel this way about you. She is a teenager now and she will be leaving to collage soon. I'm sure she is grateful for you always being there for her and spoiling her. But sometimes you just need to accept it.
2006-08-10 17:09:45 · answer #5 · answered by Humming Bird 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like my step dad, Phil.
He and my mom dated for nearly 9 years before they married and divorced 8 months later.
I was 21 when I told him that I felt that he was my dad and always will be.
My sister and brother and I came to the conclusion that they would always be friends and lovers, not husband and wife.
But Phil was our dad until the day he died, 3 years after my mom did.
What a man.
I am grateful that I had the privilege of telling him so some 27 years ago now.
2006-08-10 17:13:13 · answer #6 · answered by Here I Am 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a step-mom and somewhat of a step-dad. My mom has been seeing the same guy since I was around 12. He treats me like gold but until a few months ago I didn't think of him like he was my dad. I am 28 now and I have nothing but admiration, respect and love for the guy. Just give it time. My step-mom and I have a great relationship. She and I talk on the phone and e-mail each other all the time. For my birthday she sends me money and puts her and my dad's names on the card. She always ends the conversation w/ "I Love You"
2006-08-10 17:08:23 · answer #7 · answered by Kat N 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate this for you because you sound pretty genuine, but you've just got to understand; you're not "Dad", and you can never be "Dad". It's up to her to determine what context within which you will be placed in her life, and there's nothing you can do about it. It sounds like you're trying as best you can to be a loving parent to her, and that's really all you can do. But no stepdad is that great of a person that someone isn't going to wish that their real "Dad" was the one giving them the love and attention.
2006-08-10 17:05:30 · answer #8 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The danger in spoiling her is that she may interpret that as you trying to buy her affection. Girls have a very special relationship with their fathers, even if they have only a distant memory of them. She may see calling you "dad" as being disloyal to her biological father. You can do nothing to make her treat you as a father except to be supportive when she needs it. Let her come to you. When she is older she will appreciate you much more.
2006-08-10 17:02:07 · answer #9 · answered by Bethany 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you've known her for eight years!But,you also said you've only been married to her mom for a year.Give her a little more time.Don't just give her everything she wants.Maybe she wants you to be "more like a dad"like being a little harder on her.Don't let her get by with everything.Most of all tell her how you feel!It'll all work out great,you'll see.Pray about it!!
2006-08-10 17:05:13 · answer #10 · answered by Sweetheart 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it not your fault. she's problay upset because her real dad not in her life ( if that's case). I had the same situation with my mother pasy boyfriends and they try to do so much for me and i accept their help but i still wonder why my real father doesn't want me, and sometimes take the anger out on her boyfriend. Sometimes i felt like they was trying to take over in my dad's role and i would be mad sometimes.
2006-08-10 17:03:53 · answer #11 · answered by Giggles 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋