How do I soothe an older siblings need to help with the baby?

Question

I have a 5 year old daughter and a four month old son. My daughter is very excited about being a big sister and is constantly wanting to help with the baby. She wants to hold him and feed him and carry him around. She even wants to sleep with him. My problem is that I am very "protective" over him and I am scared that she won't be as gentle as she should, or maybe I don't know why I am so protective. How do help her feel included while not making myself have a nervous break down over it? I don't want to hurt her feelings as this is her first baby brother.

Answer 1

You are going to have to tell her gently that she is not big enough to carry him around. Tell her she can help do the things that she is big enough to do. If you sit beside her and prop the baby with a pillow in her lap, she could try to give him a bottle. Once the novelty wears off she won't be bugging you as much. Let her run to get the diapers. Let her chose the outfit he is going to wear that day from a choice of 2 outfits. Once you let her do somethings she will feel like she is helping. Tell her that all little baby's need their own beds.

Answer 2

Give her a task that she always gets to do, like bringing the diapers, or something else that will make her feel included. Also give her a set time that she can hold the baby, but don't leave her alone (not that you would). Also explain to her that you need to take care of most of the responsibilities but you are so happy that she wants to help. With time she will probably lose interest since she'll start thinking of her brother as the thing that wakes her up in the middle of the night. I think that you need to set rules for your daughter, and being protective of a 4 month old is a great thing, just as long as you let up a little in a year or two.

Answer 3

First, I think that that is wonderful that your 5 year old loves her baby brother so much. I have two sons and when my youngest was born his brother was very much in love with him too, but that doesn't always happen that way. I have lots of friends who have had to deal with jealousy issues with their children and their new siblings.

Second, I have an idea, have you tried giving her a doll and accessories (like bottles and dolly diapers) to be her special baby. So when you are trying to feed or change your son she can do the same thing with her baby. Or if you are bottle feeding the baby you could have her hold the bottle while the baby is in your arms.

I hope that this helps

Answer 4

relax, start out slowly, then let her work her way up. You will feel better about her being a big helper. Little things, like taking the diaper to the trash, getting the baby's bottle, helping you push the stroller. Let her be a part of his life, just supervise her, and explain to her that she has to still have help with things like holding him that hes heavy and she may drop him, and that he cant sleep with her because babies have to sleep in baby beds. In a few months when the babys crawling around taking her toys, she wont want as much to with him then, so enjoy it now.

Answer 5

Let your daughter enjoy her status as long as you can. You may want to restrict some activities, such as carrying her brother around, as pretty soon he's going to be too heavy for her to carry easily (or safely). But you can put him in a light stroller and let her push him in that. By all means let her help feed him, and let her take a nap with him, but explain that she and he both need to sleep in their own beds at night.
Once the novelty wears off, she'll find other interests, but for now, you want to make her feel very special about him. It sounds like you are doing a good job, and she isn't jealous of the new baby.
Don't worry about her being gentle. Babies are tough little critters, and as long as she tries to be careful, it's unlikely she's going to harm him.
Good luck to all three of you! -- or rather, to all four. Dad's probably just as concerned as you are.

Answer 6

This is easy, you need to relax.

First your daughter is excited about the baby, so she loves him already. Explain to her that the baby is small and she has to be careful with him.
Let your daughter help in ways that will not traumatize you-make it her job to get the diaper when he needs to be changed. Make it her job, that when the baby is asleep, she puts the "quiet" sign on the door. Let her hold him while you sit with her, let her "babysit" while you go say to the restroom, leave that baby in his seat, swing, crib and leave her to watch over him for those few minutes you are gone. Give her little things to do that will let her feel involved, and let you ease into her doing more as you get more comfortable with her handling him.
Plus you must remember, the little guy is not made of glass, he is actually pretty strong and resilient.

Answer 7

let her help or u are going to have big probs. in the long run just set rules like the only time she holds the baby is when she is sitting down. Ive been there and done that. make her do all the running like going to get the dipers or let her take the poopy one to the trash outside, she will back off some..lol

Answer 8

Buy her a special baby doll so that she has her own baby to do things with at the same time include her when it is baby's bath time and cuddles, etc. I think there are plenty of dolls on the market that are like new borns that you feed and change and bath, but remember to still include her with your baby. Good luck

Answer 9

because of the fact there are such different, they're taking on all it slow, and she or he experience this. She's been with you for 2 years, so she sees her siblings as "invaders" i assume :P some young infants are greater possessive than others, i used to be extremely undesirable curiously :P

Answer 10

Let her help with the little things. Let her know there are certain things mommy needs to do for her baby brother and certain things she can do for her little brother. Assign her little tasks like picking out outfits, getting diapers etc. and then tell her like her you have tasks you need to do for him.