I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we are living together. I am afraid that my bad self esteem is putting distance between us. I feel that I am not good enough for him and that he will find someone better than me. I accuse him of cheating, when I know that he isn't because he is with me all the time. I know he loves me and would never do anything to hurt me. Now I feel that since I do not feel good about myself I am pushing him away. Is there anything I can do to help myself?
2006-08-10 16:09:23 · 5 answers · asked by chicka 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You've done the most important thing already, recognized and acknowledged the problem. A good counselor can help you identify where your self worth difficulties originated, and how to proceed. One thing you can do on your own is make a simple list. Write down all the GOOD things you like about yourself, no matter how small, simple, or silly they may seem. Whenever you find yourself starting to negatively obsess, try to focus on this list, or even on one aspect of it - to help you remind yourself that you're a good person who is deserving of love.
Also, if you value your Boyfriend, and think so highly of him, remind yourself that his opinion must be worth something - and he values you, so there must be something there worth while, even if you can't recognize it.
I've been there, it takes time and hard work to overcome this, but it can be done. Be willing to talk to your boyfriend honestly about it too, and instead of acting with jealousy, just say "I'm feeling insecure right now, honey". It may seem to be the hardest thing in the world, but I've done it, and it works much better, addresses the real problem, and gives you a means to cease the accusatory behavior you've been showing - that will only create problems in the long run.
2006-08-10 16:21:27 · answer #1 · answered by Namon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure there is lots you can do to feel better about yourself. Now you may not appreciate hearing it from a male but here goes anyways. If there is a women's health care centre in your area you can go there to discuss this situation with them in a warm nuturing environment. You can talk with family members to gt there take on why you are trying to handle things the way you are, was there something that happened in your past or perhaps that is the way you were raised. You could go to see a therapist to talk about things also. Check out the local emergency phone line in your area and see if they have any ideas of who they can refer you to or else talk it over with your family doctor as he may know of somewhere you can be referred to also. Best of luck to you. One last thing I will remind you of. Communication is the paramount thing in any relationship so you and your man have to be able to discuss all things that are both good and bad. Be honest while talking and between the two of you a solution may be found also.
2006-08-10 23:25:58 · answer #2 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are good enough. i had that same problem but how do you feel about yourself when you are single? everyone in this world is not the same. we all have something unique. so if he gets another women that is his lost. if he stays then he cares. read a lot of self help books and watch TD jakes and Joyce Myers and Paula White. good teachers on all aspects of life and they teach you about the lord. hang in there and believe in yourself cause if you dont who will. you have to love yourself first and people will love you back.
2006-08-10 23:24:51 · answer #3 · answered by eaglestraces123 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chicka, I suggest that you learn to like yourself for who you are, and work on you're self esteem. Theres lots of material available online for people who suffer from low self esteem. Counseling might be good to. The thing is, if you don't do something about this now, it will continue to haunt you're relationships. Good luck.
2006-08-10 23:19:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah, your gonna push him away eventually. Come on, of course your good enough, you think he would lower his standards to be with you for four years if you werent and he is treating you good and trying to keep showing you he loves you. Stop being so selfish and thinking about poor you. Get over it. Get a hobby, do something for yourself that makes you feel good, but your gonna wind up alone. If you keep teeling him your not good enough, he may just start believing you
2006-08-10 23:16:45 · answer #5 · answered by ms.mary 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋