I cant even imagine kissing another person, is there something wrong with me?

Question

I joke that im no-sexual, i was raped by a stranger in january and since then find it really hard to have a partner and now i cant even bear the thought of someone touching me, will this ever stop - when will i just get over it and move on?

Answer 1

Maybe you should wait a while like take time for you to get over it i kinda know how you feel i cant possibly imagine myself kissing and stuff....

Answer 2

Oh! Don't think like this way.
It was an accident.
Just forget this kind of any sort happend with u.
This.... is not the sex. No never. Nor the life what u r thinking.
Just close ur eyes.
Remember Last event where/when u enjoyed ur life.
Repeat the same thing.
Share ur story/enjoyment with family/friend(s).
Make everything/anything which keep u smiling.
Smile & enjoy ur life new way.
Now u r in ur new life.
Love is Life.
Sex is Part of life.
Love urself.
Love Others.
Nothing is wrong. Only the time and the way of doing anything may wrong.
If U r right and be right. REMEMBER
LOVE URSELF & LOVE OTHERS.
LOVE IS LIFE.
LIVE IN UR WAY.
NEVER MIND WHAT OTHERS R SAYING OR DOING.
PEOPLE WILL START TALKING ABOUT UR NEW LIFE.
PUBLIC IS LIKE SPEAKER.
JUST FEED NEW SONG/MUSIC U WILL LISTEN NEW SONG/MUSIC.
*
*
*
*
FEED THE NEW SONG/MUSIC.
ENJOY UR LIFE.
**

Wishing for ur newlife.
ever urs
Manoj


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Answer 3

You are not alone, honey. I am a rape victim also.(Many yrs. ago-1970's)& the pain never goes away.
You will go through a lot of emotions & periods of depression to a certain degree. There are several stages to go through>{Just as u do when u loose a love one.}
The 1st stage is usually what your are experiencing right now, don't want anyone to touch you & having a hard time in finding a partener, as u are probely looking at every male as a potential repeater of your rape.This will take awile to go away, as u have to start by getting some help from a rape crisis centre(Something we didn't have in my case>) so take advantage of this service as soon as possible.
If you have a good support group of friends & family talk to them as much as you want to, as they will understand your need to vent. If you don't have this option, seek out other victims of this crime & attend their meetings.
Another stage of this horrible crime is that we women always wonder if we did anything to bring this on ourselves....NO U DID NOT> THIS IS A CRIME A MAN USES TO HAVE POWER OVER a WOMEN. He is the CAUSE OF THE CRIME & U ARE THE VICTIM.
Another stage u will go through is wanting to do something that is not in your nature, such as drink, pills or whatever to dull the pain & sleep without those nightmares that u are probely experiencing right now. Here'a a tip to deal with those things: Stay off all booze,pills etc. & get a pet if you don;t have one & go for walks, runs, jogging, whatever when you feel the whole world is collapsing around you.
In my case the POLICE were not as aware of rape cases as they are today. I described the assailents(3) to the police, their car & everything else I could remember. I even picked 2 of them out of a mugshot array, but the police who interviewed me after the rape were more interested in what I was wearing & my way of life(I was a mother & a waitress) then they were in putting these guys away. They even had the nerve to suggest that because I was out for a night with my girlfriends{no husbands with us} which we did about once a month to play pool as we'd been doing for years.(not drinking-me.)
My husband----1st----God Rest His Soul>>>>tried so hard with me to have these guys put away, but at the advise of the prosecuter who said it was my word against theirs & the 2 who were there had high priced lawyers, so it got thrown out & they laughed(I STILL HEAR THEM SOMETIMES WHEN I'M ALONE & THIS HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE FLASHES INTO MY HEAD.)
Well darlin' as you can guess by now it will always be with you, but some of it will dimish over the years, especially if you find a lovely man{AS I HAVE NOW>>>>my 2nd hubby} who listens, understands when u you're not in a sexual mood & loves you anyway. They're out there, just be patient & give yourself time to heal, regain your confidence in men & start living again.
You are more resilient than you think u are right now.
TIME & UNDERSTANDING are the key issues to get through this horrible experience.{+ A prayer every day dosn't hurt either.}
Hang in sweetie & I will be thinking of you each day & praying you find the happiness you deserve.
Good-Bye 4 now & as someone else said in an answer:
" LET US KNOW HOW YOU ARE DOING."
Reply to me if you wish.****O.K. REBELCAT.!!!!

Answer 4

I'm so sorry for what you went through. I hope you get som counseling. Don't worry about the kissing thing, you have more important things to consider now. The incident was only a few months ago. Let us know how you're doing...

Love, Jack

[e-mail]

Answer 5

There are so many support groups for rape survivors. Find some in your area and start getting the help you need to begin to move on with your life.

Answer 6

I want you to read about feral children who have never been touched by another person. Some were raised in a cage, some by animals. They don't kiss or hug. I will read your questions back to see if this is meaningful. Your bad memories are all you seem to have.

Answer 7

No there is nothing wrong with you.

Yes this will stop.

I am not a doctor or councelor, I am a girl. Someone very close to me was raped.

You are having the right kinds of feelings. From my experience, many girls after they are raped, just decide to lose hope on life, since this was such a traumatic experience. They end up casually having sex and having many partners, not caring about their health and the things that can spread by having many partners.

I am sure your health is in good condition.

Even in a loving relationship, you may still have a lot of sadness and fear thinking about having sex.

I think everyone is life is here to learn through what ever good or bad experiences we have to go through. I can tell you are a good person.

You have done what most people never figure out. You found out that sex is not important in a relationship. Your issue is probably,that you feel afraid to trust, your heart, your body, any instincts you may have.

The biggest thing to know about relationships is communication. You will have to be open and honest to any male or female frineds you have about this, only those that you feel close to. You never know if they have gone through the same or know someone who has. If they are good friends they will be there for you and not tell you to drink it off, or to go have sex. That will not solve any problems.

We as people have to make up our own minds about what is good for our own selves. You must learn to judge peoples characters. When not to be near a certain soul and when it is okay to trust your self around someone. I am talking adults, children, dogs, cats, family, and people your own age.

What will happen is you will be resistant to touching, you will start to see people for who they are, rich and poor doesn't matter, you will see thier soul. You will be understanding of people, and their faults, such as greedy, snobby, in a bad mood, ill, pesemistic. You will find people that you can relate to or at least talk to, people that, really don't want anything in return, except for to have a freind to talk to, go for coffee whatever.
You are not worthless and did not deserve this. You will make freinds, if they care about you they will talk to you a lot,and not even make a move to touch you, if they know you have a problem with it. Just make sure you tell people off the bat, I dont like being touched at all, and it is not a joke.

What will happen next. And this may take a few years. You will have some freinds, and one day one of them will lightly pat you on the head, just to be freindly, and to kind of tell you they care, but will not grab a hold of you, try to control you, or try to touch you in any sexual manner.

Keep in mind you may run into a few, Ununderstanding people along the way, possibly even creeps. And if your just not ready to be freinds with them at that time, that's it, you have to break off all contact with them.

Going back to the good part. Your freind or a few, will slowly get you used to a little bit of un obstrusive touch. I am not even talking holding hands. Someone may even pick you up and swing you around, or try to hug you because they feel for you. You will become familliar with this way before you allow anyone to come close in a romantic way.

You may even want to wait until you get married to have sex. That is fine too, and at least you know you have the support of a dedicated parter.

Everyone always thinks sex is going to be great, that the first time is the best. I think for most people the first time is the worst. And another myth, is that sex is always great,when it's with someone you love. It can get boring, even with trying new things. Never do something you don't want to do. You can say, stop, I'll be right back. Any man who does not let you stop to get up for something during sex, is not right for you. It is not like in the movies. I am happily married, no children and I can attest this is all true. Also, if you think you found the one and have that feer, that oh no this is the only person I get to have sex with for the rest of my life and it is only mental. The person is good to you, it is a myth on TV too. You are happy with that one person, once you dedicate yourself to a monogomous relationship. Even if sex slows down. There are just so many wrong portrayals of sex in the world. You must be true to who you are. With love/not sex there are no rules, you may have to swallow your pride for love.

Top rules about sex. If it hurts stop, if they love you or care they will understand, you must say stop. You must use lubricants, not everyone had that natural lube. WET brand sold at Spencers works, very well. If you have sex that doesn't feel right, you can be "out of commission" for a while, and can develope a yeast infection. This is only painful for you not the partner, so when you say stop it has to stop. Masturbation is okay, don't let anyone tell you otherwise, and you don't have to tell anyone if you decide to do it or try it.

Please write back and ask more questions or tell us how you are done. Best of luck to you, stay strong. From one girl to another.

Answer 8

I understand. Perhaps it would help to see a Counselor at Mental Health or other sources? Best wishes! also i will pray for you.
Ask God to help you, also, if you haven't already done so. I hope you will feel better.

Answer 9

u need to see a doctor. also u may wont to find a close male friend and talk out ur issues with him an maybe someday this "fear" will go a way.

Answer 10

You can get over it in time. You should probably see a therapist, but don't feel like you have to rush things.