can a relationship work if the person is not your intellectual equal?

Question

my boyfriend is very immature in many ways. he can not express emotions and is very passive aggressive. is there any way to make a relationship work if the person is not as "evolved"?

Answer 1

YES IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF OTHER STUFF IN COMMON!


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SHO!

Answer 2

In my opinion, no. Well, I mean, not as a life-partner/spouse relationship. You might be able to be friends, but as I learned from experience, if a person isn't your equal, it's easy to become resentful when they don't enjoy the same level of pursuits as you, or don't have/can't be bothered to develop the same life skills.

It's a big, chronic let down to feel like you can't share/delegate things to your partner when you're sick or whatever because they don't know how to do them or won't bother. You start to think less of them. That can spill over into how you relate in bed and to the level of respect you have for them declining. And, what with all the discussions about marrying for love, money, etc., as I now begin to look around after my divorce, I for sure will not marry anyone without good problem-solving ability and willingness to do so!!!!!!!!

I left him after 20 years married. I was happy to raise the kids I gave birth to, and they matured faster and more fully than their dad -- I got to the end of my rope as for raising him any more, although we were ages 26 and 30 when we married. He wanted a mom's role to be available around the house, not a wife's.

Answer 3

The key here is "Intellectual equal". That can work.

However, your friend's intellect isn't stated here - his maturity is.

Generally, when two people have very different maturities,
there are big problems.

However, I know of a number of couples where one person
is brighter than the other - however, they both know that
and know that they have their own strenghts and weaknesses
and that intelligence isn't everything.

However, they are about as mature as each other... If
anything, the ones who aren't as bright tend to be MORE
mature, less flighty and certainly less judgemental.

That doesn't mean you should give up on the this person.
Just ask yourself if it is worth the struggle. Does he have
other things that make up for this? Would you both be
better off with someone of the appropriate maturity?

Answer 4

You could wait for a while and see how things work out, he might grow up. But don't try to change him, that never works. A lot of guys can't express emotions, that is the way they were raised, but that doesn't mean they don't have emotions. You have to read between the lines. But if you mean he can't be affectionate and loving, well, that would be a deal breaker for me.

Answer 5

There are ways to make the relationship work, but you may not like all of them. The one he may like the most is if you become more like him, live a little, act immature sometimes. If you don't want to change anything then I don't know what you should do.
Good Luck & have fun!!

Answer 6

Why would not it? Intelligence has no longer some thing to do with connection. Having issues in hardship-free does no longer count number your IQ. 'Genius' human beings produce different pastimes as well 'smart' human beings issues! I have a intense IQ, i'm insanely smart. with out attempting i can ace all my training and continually were waiting to. My fiance on the different hand works his *** off for B's. we've under no circumstances had a verbal change problem. If there is, i imagine of the words i have chosen and clarify it to him in yet otherwise with out being belittling. So I do might want to 'dumb' issues down now and again, yet i appreciate him, and it would not hardship me. now and again I delight in it, because then it receives my mind operating wondering about different words and words to positioned some thing. He does get dissatisfied over me correcting his grammar (which, through the years, i have realized to offer up doing it). yet particularly extremely, after we sit down and performance a verbal change, there is under no circumstances ever been an problem in any respect. at the same time as there's a difficulty contained in the courting, there is under no circumstances been an problem both. there is under no circumstances been any emotional disconnection or some thing. i have considered many cases of rather intellegent with universal intellegent those who get married and performance amazingly helpful lives. there is not any correlation. they received't get 'bored' with you. because you'll go on dates and issues, then he can do inspite of 'nerdy' component he needs to do in his own time. (I frequently study cattle medical journals in my time, and that i have also realized no longer to confer with that about him, because he famous it dull! LOL.) with the aid of ways... 'Nerdy' adult men frequently be extra beneficiant enthusiasts ;) good success!

Answer 7

It depends on what kind of relationship you are in. Sexual relationship...YES...no problem. Idiots can be great in bed. Sometimes that doesn't take a rocket scientist...just a big member and some staying power. However, if you are going to talk to the person...like on a car ride or something...it's better when they have a half a brain...at least half.

Answer 8

OK, so he is immature...You come off with all that psycho-babble and sound a little self-obsessed...What did you do, take an intro psych class and now you consider yourself further "evolved?"

I don't think you will have much success in any relationship if you approach them from the "I'm better than everyone" perspective.

Answer 9

First, if the dumb one is a guy, it tends not to work. Girls will usually get frustrated with a dumb brute that only wants to talk about stupid things and then make love.

But, if the dumb one is a girl, the guy will put up with her because she will make him look smart and guys like that. If she happens to be dumb and good looking, so much the better.

In your case I'd say it will only be a matter of time before he bores you.

TX Guy

Answer 10

Don't get into a relationship if you think it will only work if the person changes.It would only work if you accept him the way he is.

Answer 11

I think it can work if it's just about sex or if the people are somewhat on the same plain--just not exactly the same caliber. Otherwise, if one is far less intelligent or mature, I don't think it can work.