I'm a well liked and respected women and I have a great sex life but I tend to find that I'm only really turned on by sm, bondage and dirty sex. I tried telling my boyfriend this and he seemed a bit shock that a 'nice and normal' woman like me would fantasise about such things. Is this normal for me? And how do guys feel about this?
2006-08-10 12:45:23 · 9 answers · asked by babyface 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Welcome to the club, babyface!
Try to get your boyfriend to read up some:
http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/BDSMinfo/the_basics.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM
BDSM is great to spice up and vary your sex-life. As long as it is done on a consensual basis it can be great!
2006-08-10 17:54:16 · answer #1 · answered by cordefr 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey lass. First thing you need to do, is breathe. I'm personally considered "one of the sweetest and sensitive guys around," but lately I've discovered my own joy of exploreing what's a bit kinky. Because I plan to continue dating without giving up my virginity until my honeymoon, you can imagine how creative I sometimes need to be.
Bondage and all the other stuff depends on your attitudes and degree.
If you're into this for emotional as well as physical intimacy and you maintain self-respect and respect of others, this is healthy. The only time it truly becomes horrifying or filthy is when the practice violates the person's will and respect.
Light bondage is perhaps one of the most common ways for a couple to be kinky. A little blindfold and box of chocolate covered strawberries (and even wrist restraints) is considered very acceptable by most people.
So bondage believe it or not, *is* actually normal, particularly if you have an active imagination, sense of adventure, sensitivity and an intensity of personality.
As for SM and really dirty, animalistic sex, it depends on whether or not you feel the need to throw away/suppress/ignore self respect and the respect of the other person, and how honestly real you want it to define you.
SM can be EXTREMLY erotic and enjoyable between loving couples, but it should be remembered that it's a fantasy, a roleplay. The few loving couples who can maintain the SM lifestyle are rare, and usually already live an alternative lifestyle. Most people who live the SM lifestyle are not wholly into couples, but a kind of psychological polyamory based upon intensity, domination, and exchange of will.
Never give up or take another person's will away from them if you want to remain the person defining who you are.
Ultimate and hardcore SM is not the realm of lovers, but a very abusive and fascinating one. You don't come back from it.
That said, nearly all the tools of SM and dirty sex can be used for fun and sincere love.
So yes, this can be normal for you, and you can still be a "normal and nice" woman, but you have to make a choice. Either give up your independance, innocence, etc. for a purely physical and psychological alternative lifestyle; OR realize that there's an adventurous side to you that is wholly healthy, and needs attention. Just always remember that it's play, for fun, and respect and be sincere to each other. Then you can pretty much go wherever. You'll just be a "nice and normal" woman with an adventurous side. And most guys like that.
If it's a question of your soul; your self-respect, love, sincerity, personal will and honesty can help a great deal in defining this. You may only batter and bruise your soul if you keep those, but you can lose it if you give them up.
It just takes courage and honesty.
2006-08-13 03:16:41 · answer #2 · answered by savage_insight 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though I'm a guy, I have a definite empathy with your situation. If most of the people who don't know about my sexual fantasies knew even half of them, I can be very certain that they would be totally shocked. :-)
Having a "respectable" image along with your fantasies is a dichotomy that isn't wrong at all. The only way it would be wrong is if you were hypocritical of it, meaning that you denounce it in public but embrace it in your thoughts. Not letting your sexual thoughts rise to a public persona is not deceitful, it's simply privacy, and everyone is entitled to that at long at society is not impacted negatively.
I presume that your boyfriend is more comfortable with the public persona that you have. Perhaps it's simply the apparent paradox that has him shocked. This is where having a rational conversation about your fantasies would be useful. Perhaps he has some that he'd like to share.
In any case, I wish you well with your relationship and hope that your fantasies manifest themselves somehow. :-)
2006-08-11 11:18:52 · answer #3 · answered by Ѕємι~Мαđ ŠçїєŋŧιѕТ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend is shocked about your fantasies, yet he asks you openly for threesome sex. Spicing up your relationship is a healthy thing and if you are to be engaged soon then you have made a promise to this man for the rest of your life and there should be no secrets and there should be a willingness to please one another on all levels. No questions asked.
2006-08-10 13:09:00 · answer #4 · answered by eman1205 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had a sub for a "significant other" for 2 years. It was an interesting time, expanding her horizons and giving her the sensations she craved. It's not easy to find a properly "motivated" dominant that can get into your head and hold your interest. I think you're just fine, dear.
2006-08-10 12:58:04 · answer #5 · answered by westgaliberty 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wish my girlfriend would tell me shes into bondage. I love it and its hard to find a girl actually into it.
2006-08-14 12:26:22 · answer #6 · answered by guy_in_tights 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Darling, I'd be worried about you if you weren't turned on by bondage. It's so yummy!
2006-08-13 05:12:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sure it's normal.you need to loosen up and quit worrying about what others think.it's just your bad girl side comming out ,if someone can't accept you as a whole instead of just what they percieve to be normal, then perhapes you shouldn't be with them.
2006-08-10 12:55:01 · answer #8 · answered by retrac_enyaw03 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
thats defienatly NOT NORMAL!
2006-08-10 13:10:45 · answer #9 · answered by honney bunny 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋