im confused?

Question

ok so i was adopted, but i really want to meet my birth parents. it makes my parents feel bad though when i tell them that. they feel like i dont love them. how can i be curious without hurting anyone

Answer 1

First of all you need to sit down with your PARENTS( the adopted ones) and let them know that no matter what they are your parents. They have been the ones who have been there for you over the years and they are the ones who will continue to be there for you. In order for you to satisfy your curiosity you must first put everyone at ease with it. There are many posibilities for the reasons that your birth parents gave you up;they might not have been in a position to give you the kind of home you deserved or they might just not have wanted to have a child at the time. Your parents are hurt by your need to seek out the people who gave you up for adoption because they LOVE you so much and they are afraid that you might forget about them. Also they are probably worried about your feelings being hurt too. Really , how would you feel if you found out that you were given up because you were unwanted? Could you handle it? Alot of times children are given up or put up for adoption because of extreme circumstances like a drug addiction or abuse/neglect.
All I can say is for you to sit down talk to your folks and come to an agreement about this, such as looking up your birth parents together and contacting them together that way everyone who matters most is involved.

Answer 2

While not every adopted person feels this way a large percentage do.
It is a perfectly legitimate thing for you to be curious about. Everything you are comes from them except the important part and that was given you by your adoptive parents.

Your looks, your genes, what should have been your family history all are lost to you and you should want to find out about them.

Your adoptive parents have given you all the really important things. The took you in and loved you as there own. From just the little you have said they are your real parents to you I can tell.
But you must understand their worry. What if in meeting your parents and the rest of your family find you could love them?
When your real parents find out what happened to you they may be thrilled and want you to come back often.
They are the family you never had. And if you somehow can come to love them your adoptive parents may feel left out in the cold.

Your curiosity is normal. But remember this.....you must get your priorities straight. Know who raised and cared for you all those years and who didn't. There are Lot's of reasons why that happened but by finding your real parents you may open a Pandora's box you will be sorry you did.

That is the fear your adoptive parents have. You love them, and they love you, so what ever you do don't disappoint them. Make them your priority in what ever you decide to do.

Answer 3

Look hon it is your choice. How did you find out that you were adopted by accident or did you know? I gave a little girl up for adoption and she knew, but if you just found out I am sorry for the shock, and the confusion. But it is YOUR right to know. As I said before I gave my child away I was REALLY young and I was a victim of rape, sometimes the situations are painful, but that doesn't mean that you are not unworthy of life. Make sure you tell your parents how much you love them and that you just would like to know about your biological mother. Please beware as you do not know the circumstances that it may be hurtful to you and your biological parents. SO good luck O and another thing get your parents involved with finding her. Maybe that will let them see that you are not trying to replace them. Your in my prayers.

Answer 4

You have absolutely every right to want to meet your biological parents. But your REAL parents, are the one's who adopted you. This is harsh, but don't get a fantasy about two wonderful rich people who could give you anything in the world if you just meet up with them, there is a reason they put you up for adoption, maybe they couldn't afford a baby, they were too young...so many reasons. Giving you up was probably a very hard time in their lives which they don't need to be reminded of. I'm sorry.

Answer 5

Your parents are the ones that have raised you. Your curious, that's understandable. You can not, not hurt anyone if you insist in getting your way. Be grateful that your birth mother loved you enough to know that she could not care enough and give you what a mother should. Know that your Parents love you enough to have choosen to bring all of you into thier lives. There is no answer to the questions you have by knowing who your birth mother and father are only a disruption in the family that you have and that loves you.

Answer 6

Tell your adopted parents that you do love them and in your
eyes they are your only parents you'll ever know.Tell them
how you completely feel about them,make the comfortable,
then tell them why you want to find out information on your
birth parents.Tell them your reasons for wanting to know
more.It could medical reasons,heritage reasons,many
reason you can give them.
If it were an open adoption you can get records
through your local agencies.Also,if you know
the names of your biological parents,you can
post on message boards for adoptee looking
for birthfamily.I would ask your adopted parents
as much as they know about your bilogical
parents.Reasure them your reasons why.
I am sure they would want to help you,just
give them some time.

Answer 7

You're adoptive parents are probably just scared that you won't need them anymore or that you will forget that is has been them who were there for you for all these years. Try to reassure them and tell them how important it is for your to learn about your blood relatives.

I really hope that you remain open minded during your search and try not to get your hopes up too much. You never know until you meet your parents, if you find them, what their reason for giving you to a loving family were.

I wish you the best of luck!!!

Answer 8

Well if it is an open adoption you can get the information, and if it is closed you may not have access to the records. Start with the year you were born and the city. You should be able to access local hospital records on births. Just be ready for what you could find. Your mother may not be who you think she is, and your father also may not be the person who you would want. Accept them for who they are not who you want them to be.

Answer 9

I was adopted myself, at five. I don't have any great desire to see my old family even though I remember them. I live here for all of them. Perhaps it's best not to tell your parents that you are seeing your biological relatives. Now, if you have to go through your parents for this info, that's a different matter. Try not to let them know, if you are sure they are sensitive.

Answer 10

You and 1000s of people ask this...it boths them because they think they could lose you...but you must tell them that you love and care for them...go found your birth parents and make sure dint get hurt..why they gave you up should be your first question