"An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the
responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare.
With that as his mission he began to search for the perfect woman.
Shortly there after he met a Redneck who had three stunning,
gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away..
So he explained his mission to the Redneck and asked for permission to marry one of them.
The Redneck simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married,
so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want."
The man dated the first daughter.
The next day the Redneck asked for the man's opinion.
"Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed."
The Redneck nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.
The next day, the Redneck again asked how things went.
"Well," the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed."
The Redneck nodded and suggested he date the third girl to
see if things might be better. So he did.
The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming,
"She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry."
So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born.
When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was
the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law and asked how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.
"Well," explained the Redneck...
"She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell...
pregnant when you met her."
2006-08-10 11:37:03 · 13 answers · asked by Ginnykitty 7 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
good one. gold star for you:-)
2006-08-10 11:42:52 · answer #1 · answered by vanilla_bean_dream 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.
He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.
When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
2006-08-10 20:06:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
HA HA HA HA!!! I'm gonna get in trouble cuz I'm at work, That was way too funny!
2006-08-10 11:43:07 · answer #3 · answered by VetteLeo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hahahaha
i like u already
lol
2006-08-10 12:12:55 · answer #4 · answered by Cero 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is funny omg
great joke
2006-08-10 11:55:16 · answer #5 · answered by lovers fool 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL that was funny
2006-08-10 11:52:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL
funny!!
2006-08-10 11:41:36 · answer #7 · answered by Your best friend 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes! it's funny enough
2006-08-10 11:48:16 · answer #8 · answered by Francine S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol, funny
2006-08-10 11:42:50 · answer #9 · answered by ellie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lo0o0o0o0o0ol
2006-08-10 11:45:50 · answer #10 · answered by lulu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋