Will he come back to me?

Question

My boyfriend of 10 months broke up with me as he is having a hard time with his family (his parents are getting a divorce, have been seperated for the past 12 years..., and his Mum recently tried to commit suicide for the third time...etc.). I know that he still loves me. I live in Paris with him and he is in London for the summer. Will he come back to me after he has sorted things out? He's coming to see me on Monday for 3 days. What should I do? I want to be there for him as his girlfriend but I know that he needs time to sort himself out. Will he come back to me? I love him and he loves me...I know that...but this is so hard, I just want to be his again and help him...

His parents are very difficult and the tension in his house is awful. They have been sleeping in different rooms for the past 15 years after they both had affairs, his two sisters self harm and he's very confused, hurt and angry. He's not himself at the moment and I know that. Why does he think that by breaking my heart and his own that it's going to help? He wants to protect me but all he's doing is killing me inside...

This morning he said to me that if we get back together it won't be for at least a year...he keeps telling me that he loves me and I know that he does, he's sensitive, caring, loving, all I've ever wanted...and I know that I'm all he's ever wanted too...I just wish he'd be himself again..;

Answer 1

hes obviously very messed up and your the only stable thing in his life. maybe he wants to keep you more seperate and not get you too involved. i think he cares about youand doesnt want his problems to ruin what you both have. although its hard for you, hes trying to do what he thinks is best, as long as your therefor him throughout, things should beok, good luck and hang in there he seems worth it

Answer 2

Don't even think about this now. Just trust in him doing what he has to do. Hopefully he'll come back to you - just be there for him and give him the space he needs. It sounds like a truly awful time he's having and it must be hard on you, too. You should try to talk to him about 'taking a break' rather than 'breaking up', however, as right now he and you could be going in very different directions. Tell him that there's no pressure but you'll always be there for him. Tell him to give you a call if he needs to talk and stay really good friends with him for this next few weeks. If he comes back to you when he's ready, then that's great, but if not then at least you'll have given it your best shot and given him what he needs at this time. Good luck.

Answer 3

As a man i can see that your boyfriend now is in need to some kindness . so , don't hesitate giving him all what u can give . If u don't do this , i suppose he will get this kindness from another source . U have to appreciate that he had nearly lost his parents .
U should tell him that u were praying for him and for his family but thisis the fate . U also should tell him that he had done all his best to solve the problem but we can't face God 's fate . U should tell him that we might face alot of hard problems & we think our life stops but if we are good people we will face those difficulties because life doesn't stop on a problem . We should treat with life so that it can't defeat us . If he really loves as u say he will try to separate between his love & his family.
G O O D L U C K

Answer 4

Tell him just what you wrote in the last sentence. Give him the time to work out what he needs. It sounds as if he has a lot of family issues to deal with right now. The fact that he is concerned says a great deal about this man. Would you want a long term relationship with a man who did not concern himself with family? Of course not, tell him you appreciate his concern for family. Stay in touch with him and be there to listen when he needs a caring ear. All will be fine and you may just have a good family oriented man.

Answer 5

If you love him and you think he has his reasons why he is not in himself because of the circumstances that is going on in his family, you should be the one to understand him and even if you are apart from each other as a girlfriend you should give him emotional support and tell him that you understand and hope everything in his family will be alright, I know its difficult for you that you are apart from each other but it will help you both grow that even in distance your love from each other is still there, love doesn't mean to say you have to be together all the time especially in some circumstances of family, Understanding, Support, Love, Respect, Communication, Trust, Honesty is the spices of the relationship. If you are meant for each other time will tell and everything will just come along and everything will be alright.

Answer 6

This is a family in turmoil, they need some serious help as the parents seem to be creating an atmosphere in which all their children are being emotionally scarred. If they have any compassion at all they'll seek family therapy as a matter of urgency. How can anyone have a normal life amidst such pain? Advise him to do something constructive to save his family and himself.

Answer 7

It sounds like he needs alot of time to think and sort his life out, it sounds as if he dosent know what he really wants, and it may be like this for a while, Meanwhile dispite his problems at home it is unfair to drop you everytime something bad happens concerning his family. You need to decide if you mind waiting for his decision or not, you need to decide if you can find somebody who can be there for you. You can still be supportive to him without being his girlfriend, why not just be his friend and then at least your heart wont keep getting broken everytime he dumps you. Find somebody who can put you first, and treat you right - your ex sounds as if he will just keep breaking your heart, do you really want that time and time again? You deserve better.
Why not suggest to him that he spend time away from his family, it might be what he needs to escape and ease his worry and concern - go on holiday with a group of friends or by yourself as just friends. Whatever happens, good luck and I hope you realise that you need not put your life on hold for anybody.

Answer 8

Yes, Ive been thru this before and understands how hard it is, but sometimes you just have to let love take its course.I doubt if he will actually be ready to be your boyfriend again til a while. It takes time and plenty of patience. Put yourself in his shoes, he's grew up with his parents argueing and displaying these negative actions towards each other somethings going to be wrong with them emotionally. I think that you should just stay supportive and just continue to be there for him. That should help. If your worried about him cheating on you in London, he wont because he's too focused on his parents. Remember it'll take plenty of time and patience on your part. In the end it'll be worthwile.

Answer 9

Give him some room to sort things out. It sounds like he is having a very rough time right now, but if he notices that you were supportive towards him and don't ask for anything in return then he will come back to you if he loves you. Good Luck with everything.

Answer 10

Your boyfriend is in grief and being from the family he's from which sounds dysfunctional, he will have a hard time resolving his grief. I think he's smart to only be responsible for himself during this very hard time and work on him. He's all he can possibly handle, and if you are clingy and needy, you will only complicate his already complicated life. The boy needs peace and serenity and people who understand his grief and need to resolve lots of issues. He won't come back to you if you badger him, are whiny, and NEED him, but if you are supportive and concerned only, you more than likely will remain in his circle of friends. Ask him if he would like to be in a grief group and you encourage him to go. If he wants you to go, go with him, but he may not, so don't be surprised if he doesn't. You could get some books to read, which I have found some sites about his grief, and see how much he is going through.

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?z=y&endeca=1&isbn=068984154X&itm=2

Apparently he hasn't been raised like you have been and there's going to be lots of differences in your value system which you need to understand if you love him. People who have grown up in a difficult home don't ever lose it, they just age and unless he seeks therapy he may have a hard time with permanent relationships. He needs someone strong right now, not weaker than he is, which is a turn off for guys when they are in grief. Men don't like to show their feelings anyway, and if you don't support his time of private thinking, he will never want you again. So show him how supportive of him you are by not needing him so much. I think this site could have some useful info for you. Best of luck to you.

http://www.carroll.edu/students/wellness/counseling/relationships.cc

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/vine/showthread.php?t=386841

Answer 11

Ok here's the answer...

All I've heard you talk about is him. The question is... is that what YOU want?
When I think about dating a girl, I think of how much ambition she has and what she wants in life. You need to think about what YOU want and focus on your happiness.
Do you want to be in a relationship with a guy for the rest of your life that is uncertain, unstable? Looks like the family pattern is repeating here. He's leaving you out in the cold, alone. I think you should look at that and understand whether or not it's something that YOU want. There are MILLIONS of guys out there that have great families, personalities, are loyal, fun, etc.
Find one! Be happy!
Love yourself, without that, you cannot begin to love anyone else.