Why does he do this?

Question

Whenever I want to talk to my boyfriend about our relationship, he seems to feel uncomfortable? I tried to talk to him before but he tells me that I could be happy for the things he does for me instead of complaining.. I feel like he won't let me discuss it? Why does he have such a hard time talking about us and our relationship? I keep telling him that we need to communicate but he then says that I always want to talk and we never enjoy...? Please help. Why does he do that? Doesn't he care? When I tell him that I feel he doesn't care, he gets so upset with me? He says that he is making so many efforts for me and it upsets me when I say that to him and then he tells me that I always look for problems?

Answer 1

Well, it could be he actually doesn't like talking about it and isn't able to communicate properly...but from what you are saying it also seems like he doesn't want you to know the truth about how he feels...by this I mean maybe he likes you but doesn't seem to see a future... Another thing could be that he thinks everything he is doing to make you happy you take for granted and so he feels like he doesn't have to talk to you or deal with the situation.

My recommendation to you is, since you actually want to talk to him...how about you do the complete opposite...don't talk to him. Don't talk to him about anything and if he asks why you are not talking to him write to him that the only time you intend to talk to him is about your relationship and where it is headed...if he doesn't give you a clear answer or starts an argument and storms off...I am sorry but he may be cheating. Guys who usually cheat tend to argue and twist things so then they don't have to deal with the facts...Good Luck...I hope things work out for the best.

Answer 2

Guys don't talk. This is a basic guy thing. He shows he is in the relationship by the things he does, guys are action based, not verbal.

And typically, when a woman wants to 'talk' about the relationship...she will moan, cry and complain about the guy. Why would he want to sit there why you tell him everything he does wrong and only if he did everything the way you wanted it that life would be perfect for you......

Why do you feel the need to talk? Maybe you should just enjoy your relationship.

Answer 3

Wow!... Do you start off your conversations with him in the negative or with a negative nagging demeanor?

You need to compliment him on the positive things he does. He's obviously sending you a signal based on what you stated. If there are some areas that he needs to improve on, you need to develop the proper skills and tact on how to present to him those areas needing improvement. Let him know you're proud of something he does. Ease up.. don't nag because that's a very very unattractive trait.

In your discussions... you might not want to announce... "Can we talk" or "I need to talk to you about something" because that's a RED FLAG for most guys which sends a signal to their brain that says "HERE WE GO AGAIN... NAG... NAG.... NAG" or "What did I do wrong now" You can read it in their facial expressions or many will actually express it.

So... What to do??? Hummm???
Not sure what "it" is that you want to discuss in the relationship.. but you should try having more conversations about the positive things he does. Don't make it to syrupy sweet, but once or twice a week really try to compliment him until he's use to it. Call him from time to time and say something nice and nothing else.

Every now and then in the middle of a calm quite conversation... Let him know what a good man (if this applies) he is and how happy you are (if this applies) to be together. Thank him for being supportive, but then interject (calmly and quitely) "honey, lately... I been needing/wanting....(fill in whatever applies).. Just speak on ONE (1) topic. DO NOT try to include two or three other issues. Make sure this conversation happens at the appropriate time: (NOT after WORK... NOT when he may be tired, NOT when you are feeling annoyed, or he's watching the game)

Make your conversation casual.. Pick out a peaceful atmosphere (dinner out, walk in the park, etc.) Don't be accusatory, and try to be pleasant and soft spoken when speaking. Don't linger on the subject more than 5 minutes. Even if he responds... basically you just want to allow that little bit of concern to marinate in his mind. Cuddle (if the situation allows). Then, move on with the positive conversation by being reminicent of your past time together, or something nice you want to do together in the future. End it there. In time he will probably respond with actions that are different. Re-visit in the same manner (but phrase your main subject matter in another way) at a later date (few weeks) if no reaction resulted.

If you've experience positive results from that... move on to another issue... and so on and so on.... Don't overtalk the conversation... keep it nice and light.

Work it out!

Answer 4

Women are known to be bigger "talkers" than men...also, depending upon the frequency that you try to "talk" to him and what you say, he may feel that you are attacking him or continually complaining.

Be sure you are using the right approach. Don't make EVERY little issue something "we need to talk about"...don't sweat the small stuff, y'know?
Make sure you're on going overboard with the relationship talks...guys don't need or generally want a whole lot of that stuff, so if it's coming up regularly for you, he's probably getting tired of hearing it.

You SHOULD be able to communicate...but that means both of you sharing and exchanging...not you telling him what he's doing wrong or how unhappy you are.

Answer 5

ok this is so wrong. the problem is not that he doesn't care. i'm sure he does.

the problem is, u cannot Grow if u cannot communicate. i know U can communicate, cuz u are trying! he obviously does not know how, and does not want to learn how. u need to tell him what's up. tell him u expect a boyfriend who can satisfy your needs, and can make you happy. if he can't learn how to do that, or find out how, that's HIS bad. and u are NOT looking for problems, u are trying to FIX them. but obviously he doesn't want to, is too immature, and doesnt' think it's important. and someone who invalidates your feelings is NOT going to make a good boyfriend or husband.

figure out what u expect in yourself as a girlfriend. do u do ur best to take care of him? make hiim happy? satisfy him emotionally, mentally and physically? if yes, then why is he not willing to do the same? u need someone who will do that for you. if it's him, he needs to change. if he won't, u need to find a new guy. cut and dry. and it's not cuz u are looking for problems. it's cuz he won't do anything to fix it. he needs to make u safe and secure in the relationship.. if he doesn't, he's just not good enough. you already know that he cares for you and that u care for him, but he doesn't know how to treat a woman. either teach him, or cut him loose.

Answer 6

gurl i dont kno wat his problem is, but here are some thoughts:

maybe he does get mad becuz he does do a lot for u and he's doin the best he can and everytime u get upset about sumthin he feels bad cuz he feels he did all he can do

maybe he's mad becuz he done so much for u and he feels like that u dont do anything for him

if anything he should listen to wat u have to say comunication is the MAIN ingredient in a relationship, no communication leads to a lot of problems which leads to a break up, he should car about how ur feelin cuz if he really cares about ur relationship then he would do watever he can to fix the problem, love is the hardest test u will ever take in life, for him to stay with you and to be willing to work thru the tough situations in ur relationship lets the other one kno that they care and love enough to work thru it, it make them love and respect them more
so mayne his love isnt as strong as it should be

Answer 7

No man likes to talk about that stuff and usually they see no problems. And when they see no problems they dont want to talk about anything. They most of all dont want to be told that they are not doing something right. If he is not willing to take his head out of his *ss and listen to what you have to say then you have to make the decision to spend your time with someone who will. Dont deal with it, get what you want.

Answer 8

He may just not want to talk about your "relationship" because he suspects something is up and he does not want to face it, esp if he thinks you are wanting to tie him down for the rest of his life and he is not ready to commit. If it bothers you that much, you best leave it alone and let it occur naturally.

Answer 9

why do women always want to talk about their "relationships"when you can just enjoy it.

P.S. my guess is he doesn't want to say anything that might make u mad at him and break up with him. B\c guys always say something stupid in those situations.

Answer 10

maybe he is scared to talk about it. Try writing how you feel in a letter and make dinner for him a nice dinner or take him out and tell him os he knows you appreciate him and that it's really important to you