Hmm..a question here made me wonder about parental use of spanking?

Question

I was reading another question on here where people were stating whether or not their parents spanked them as children. I noticed peoples definition of " spanking" can really vary from one person to another. OK, so my question is what exactly constitutes to each of you an "acceptable spanking"?

Answer 1

I define abuse as leaving permanent marks ( briuses, welts ) other then temperary redness I very strongly believe in spankings as a last resort. After warnings, time outs, loss of privileges, and our famous point chart. Needless to say there are some crimes that jump right to spankings, misbehaving in school, life threatening mistakes, or absolute direct defiance. They should be RARE, that being said they should be well remembered also. With us spankings are done in privet ( no one else should be punished by having to watch ) The child is told what is happening and why, they must repeat why so they understand and not do it again. Pants and underwear are taken down ( the loud slap noise and scare factor is worse the the actual spanking, also you know you are not leaving marks as long as your in control ) The child is then laid over the knee/lap and spanked with the hand ( I don't believe in using objects, but that's our opinion ).
In a nut shell that's it. I might add that if you don't think you have the temper to give a spanking with out losing control you SHOULD NOT SPANK.
Just my opinion, unlike others I know there is no sure fire "Right" way of parenting, Just try your best and love your kids.

Answer 2

What I feel is not an acceptable means of spanking is when it is done in a manner where a parent is so angry that they just unleash on their child, hitting them anywhere and everywhere on their bodies, with whatever they grab. An acceptable spanking is one that is done on the rear or hand and is done with the parents hand, belt, or paddle, and does not leave a permanant mark such as a scar, and does not leave a long-term mark such as a welp or bruise and does not cause bleeding. This is not only my opinion, but the opinion of our local police department. This is their way of weeding just punishment, from true abuse. Here is a question I would like someone, including you, to answer. If spanking was so bad, why are some school systems, such as my kids school, still allowing corporal punishment? At the beginning of every year, they send a letter home, asking whether or not a parent will let the school spank a kid.

Answer 3

I think parents generally agree that a spanking is usually administered with the hand or something like a ruler or belt, etc. and on the child's backside. Sometimes the kid moves and you miss, but I think that definition is a good start!

Slapping and beating all are different, of course, and no good responsible parent condones them. The first is humiliating and the second is abusive.

A good, properly administered spanking can be an effective form of discipline but it should never be used exclusively. It's best to use when a child is directly defiant to you (like when they shout NO in your face or "make me!").

The spanking works quite simply because pain teaches a lesson and physical force reinforces the parent's authority over the child. It's also very swift - no talking or explaining needed.

Answer 4

Yes, different people have different ideas about what a spanking is. Growing up, this is how my parents disciplined me and my step sister (my real father's disciplining methods of my half brother and half sister are another story)
Mom and step dad:
1st violation-verbal warning
2nd violation-corner (and believe me, when you're 13 years old being sent to the corner is not only a punishment, it's embarassing)
3rd violation-sent to our rooms
4th violation-sent to our rooms "until Dad gets home"

We were told exactally how many spanks with my father's belt we would get, an approximate of how much it would hurt, and we were asked if we understood why we were getting punished. If we didn't, it would be explained to us. After the spanking we were told that we were loved, and that one day we would understand why he had spanked us. In this way the punishment got our attention, we were taught that there are consequences for certain actions, it gave us respect for our father, and for people in authority in general.


On the other hand, my real father and step mother (I only spent the night over there every once in a while) would "swat" the three of us for little or no reason. He is a very mentally ill person, and had his punishments ever went beyond common human decency, you can bet one of the three of us would have done something about it.


I can see both sides of this debate, but I have made my peace with my desicion to spank my children, and I use my step father's method. Where there is concern in todays society is when children are beaten, or appear to have been abused.

Answer 5

Well my mother spanked my bottom good with a leather belt and she didn't limit her strikes either. I have only had to spank my step son once and it was 3-4 strikes only on the bottom, not too hard but hard enough to definitely get their attention. I hated getting spanked (but it definitely got my attention) but what I disliked even more was how angry my mother used to get and then all the yelling. I made a conscious effort not to be anything like that so I try lots of other methods before a spanking ever comes up, but, sometimes nothing gets their attention better than some warming up of their backside.

Answer 6

A spank is a swat on the butt, either using my bare hand or a small paddle. Never too hard, but enough to sting to make it a punishment. And I usually wait till the row is past, then administer punishment with a discussion on the why, how, how long and expected corrected behavior, and make sure the girls understand before spanking. Then I make sure they also know I love them, and that is the reason for the punishment - love - because a parent who loves the child will not tolerate such and such behavior. Unless there are extenuating circumstances, I do not punish as a knee-jerk reaction to the behavior requiring punishment.

Answer 7

I spank my children. BUT, I don't think spanking is appropriate for every situation and every child. The parent/guardian should be in control and calm. I don't believe that you should EVER hit a child when you are angry or upset.

There should be a limited number of wallops on a child's clothed behind or the back of the hand. It isn't slapping, hitting, beating, or punching.

We are raising our 7th and 8th children (ages 15 and 11). All the rest are adults & in college. The most I've ever hit a child is 7 times. That was the time when I spanked our youngest when she set the house on fire by sticking a hairpin in the outlet. Our son got burned when he bumped into the pin.

Answer 8

Our pediatrician had told us "1 spanking is okay, more than 1 means your taking out your frustrations". We spanked our son who is now 6-1/2. He is lovable, cuddly, and knows the boundaries, because we were loved him enough to do that for him, to lay boundaries and used spanking. Now you don't want to spank for everything or it loses its effectiveness. Mouthing off is a BIG NONO and warrants one. Its hard to discipline, especially with your first (and only) child.

Answer 9

An acceptable spanking (in my opinion) is:

Only spanking after a warning is given and they still don't listen.
Spanking only hard enough for it to hurt for a second or two.
Pants on, not pulled down to where you're spanking bare flesh.
Only using a hand--not an object.

Answer 10

I see it this way, from experience. I was spanked growing up and I spank my children. Spanking is supposed to be used as a teaching method. So, appropriate spanking to me is getting eye level with them, tell them what they did wrong, and why they are going to get a spanking. NEVER spank out of anger, that will just teach them to hit out of anger.