Opinions on children being better off in a broken home...?

Question

or in a home where there is no love, no communication, no nothing between the parents. A child that is 4-ish. The parents never argue in front of the child, but they dont do traditional things either (dinner, outings, watching tv-it's just nothing). It would just seem that one end of the spectrum could be as bad in the childs development as the other? I'd appreciate honest experiences and answers-Thanks!

Answer 1

A home like that IS a broken home...It may not consist of junkies and abuse, but children are smarter than we give them credit for. Most likely the child will grow up with a low self-worth and won't know how to convey or deal with emotions. Neglecting a child's need of love, stability, and security can be just as detremental to their development as having parents that are your 'stereotypical' dysfunctional abusers. They may not have physical scars, but they will have emotional ones as they get older and realize just how cold their environment is.

Answer 2

Pookie, i understand where you are coming from. I was in a home atmosphere sort of like you are talking about. It is rough and no fun at all. The only difference is that my parents argued in front of me and my dad beat my mom. I didn't want to leave my mom to go live anywhere else but i wished that she would have left my dad sooner. He treated me like crap too and I became stronger because of it but being 4ish its harder because the child is really helpless. One or both parents must love the child otherwise why would they put each other thru so much misery and its never a good idea to stay together for the child's sake anyway. it just makes things worse. i say they should separate and if they can't come together then get a divorce and work out visitation rights. its nothing easy and its a long hard process. In the end, its the best interest of the child that matters.

Answer 3

I am from a disfunctional broken home. Now that I'm grown, I have noticed that I have a hard time compromising with my husband because I know that divorce is always an option. I think that my parents had alot to do with why I'm like that with my hubby. My parents divorced when I was 14, one of my brothers was 9 and the other brother was 3. That was about 13 years ago. The middle brother is messed up. The youngest is doing good. Neither one of my parents remarried and after the divorce we lived with my grandparents. At the time, this was the best thing that could've happened to us kids because of the disfunction going on with mom and dad. After the divorce, my dad didn't keep in regular contact with us, maybe once a year or so but my mom was around alot. I think that kids need to see what a good marriage is like and my grandparents were a good example for me because no matter how much they argued, I could tell that they loved each other and never gave up on each other.

My opinion would be to try counseling first because you shouldn't just call it quits. After so long of trying, though, there is a point where you would not want a child to grow up and live unhappily in a marriage just because of what he/she learned from his/her parents.

Answer 4

oh this is right up my alley...i just got divorced in October of last year and that was how it was in my house too.. we never really argued alot, but we did do the outings, eating together, family things, we just had nothing in common. My x is 16 years older than me, so the age difference got in the way. I never thought It would. My daughter is 5 almost 6 and EVERYONE says they cannot believe how well she is doing..she is coping really good..has not had any problems at all. No acting out. Every once in awhile she will say i want daddy if i have had to get after her for something but otherwise she is OK. My x and I get along really well though which everyone thinks is weird..but i would rather be friends than hate each other, i mean we were once married, had a child, loved each other. don't get me wrong there was bumps along the way but i am soooo much happier then when i was married.. He has a girlfriend now and i have great guy...if ya ever want to chat....get ahold of me...but i really think the key is showing your child that you two get along .(during the separation and divorce).

Answer 5

if it's strictly a no affection, communication, nothing situation the best would probably be for the parents to seperate. as the child grows they may develop the same lack of communication within their relationships. my fiance grew up in a house like that and he was a very closed off person and it was a real struggle for us because i thought he didn't care about me. he finally was able to explain to me that his parents just weren't close and that he didn't really know how to be close to someone. if the parents do seperate i think it's best to sit down the child (if not now when they're older) and explain that mommy and daddy care about each other just not in the same way all mommys and daddys do. and maybe even with some time apart the parents will be able to do things together like outings. it really all depends on how the parenting was after the seperation as well but i just think the child would benefit more from seeing his parents moving on and maybe starting healthier relationships that will eventually be an example.

Answer 6

I felt it was better to divorce that have a two parent family with a five year old and two people who argued constantly, and the man was abusive, of me and the child. I also remembered how miserable my family was; when my father told me that he stayed with my mother for my sake, I told him I would have been better off if they'd divorced. A "broken" home is one that doesn't work. Got to be fixed one way or the other; if the parents can't get along, then one of them needs to go. A single parent home is not necessarily "broken"; it's just more work.

Answer 7

From what I know and feel a home without love and happiness is the worst case. I am very much in favor of divorce, when the love is gone. First of all the parents shouldn't sacrifice their life by being with a person they don't want to be. For children the effects are slow, but inevitable.

A broken home brings the possibility for children to grow up with adults who are happy and live their life as their heart tells. This love for life is transferred also to the children. Children will survive divorces, it is in their very nature. The slow corrosion of loveless home kills slowly like cancer.

Answer 8

If the family doesn't function as a family should then you are in essence "training" your child how to be dysfunctional. I am not a huge advocate of divorce, I would definitely try counseling for the couple before anything else, but if all else fails then you need to get a healthy environment for the child and it doesn't sound like that's happening right now. Good luck to you.

Answer 9

i am going trough a divorce right now. i have two little ones about your child's age. i just know that i am much happier since he left, and that i have more energy to do fun stuff with my children. before he moved out, just knowing that he would come home at night was enough for me to feel anxious and depressed. i don't know if it's better for the children, but they live with me, they visit him on weekends, and so far they seem ok with that.
i think that it is very hard to make anybody happy, when you are not happy yourself. and it is not healthy for a little child to live with two unhappy parents.
but if you think that there is any chance that the two of you could work things out, then try that first. that would be the best thing. if not, try to separate for a while.
good luck!.

Answer 10

OK you asked for it. a child can be well rounded in either environment. sometimes it's just better all around to break the ties with your spouse. a child can have a relationship with both parents. a child is adaptable, he'll learn to live in any world you put him in, as long as the parents aren't bad mouthing each other. you all have a right to be happy.