What is the right thing to do...Very broken hearted?

Question

My girlfriend (Russian, well from Minsk, Belarus) met on Yahoo Personals just under a year ago..I helped her out while she was unemployed, by the way she's a civil engineer, .Anyway to cut a long story short...we were so close together, so comfortable..both agreeing that we could be soulmates. I got her an apartment in my complex with her daughter, to save her rent from her previous dwelling...everything was so good between us. She's working now as a security guard and recently got a bartending job up the road from where we live. She works five nights a week...Not a high class place to mention...anyway she met someone there and I only found out about it by accident..this was last Sunday one week ago...well she came into my apartment after she finished her shift and said that she wanted to talk..this was 4:00am..Bascilally I told her to leave and never to call me agian..She still wants to be my best friend and soulmate. I'm totally heart broken and want closure. Any suggestions..

Additional Details

2 days ago
Just tonight, I met her at the bar where she was working, and told her thatI had left a message on ther answering machine at home and to at least have the decency to reply. My message was that I wanted at least to meet her (to get closure). When I got home a couple of minutes later, she called me to say that she had listened. She said that she wanted to spend time with me...??? and that she would call me when she had time on the weekend.After her work she came home and I could see her with the other guy outside across the parking lot. She blatenly started kissing him so that I could see, she ten got into his car and drove off, I suppose to his place. She really rubbed it in and I knew that she must have know that I was watching, I'm not sure though.......By the way, Im 49, she's 43....

Answer 1

I can't believe you helped her out so much. I hope you know or should realize she was just using you because you foolishly kept helping her out.

Answer 2

Well I'm only 22 so I may not be 100% qualified to give advice - but I assure you, I've had my fair share of broken hearts. It always feels like the end of the world. Sometimes I felt like my heart was crushed into so many pieces I wouldn't be able to put it back together. I could've just killed over from a broken heart. But I didn't. Sometimes even months later, I still have little relapses. I constantly ask my what is wrong with me and question if I'll ever find Mr. Right. I felt like I needed to be with my friends and get out of that house, but as soon as I would go to a friends house, I just wanted to go back home. I was confused because no matter what I tryed I couldn't get away from the pain. And the thought of him not wanting to be with me after all the promises and times that I stood by him, did he forget about what a great relationship we had together? How could he possible find someone to treat him the way I did and love him the way I loved him? But everyday gets a little easier and we start to heal. The knots in your stomach start to fade. And those constant reminders start to disappear slowly. And in time someone comes along and starts putting the pieces back together. I think after someone you cared about does something so hurtful to you, that there are pieces that will never fit again.

I'm still pretty young and I irresponsibly would drank my pain away. But sometimes, no most of the time, it only made it worse. And several of those nights I would cry myself to sleep.

Honestly the thing that I feel helped me through my broken heart was actually dating again - Of course, at first all you can do is compare everything to your now ex.

Love is a lot like bull riding, It's practically suicide going in, and when you fly off it hurts like hell, but if you can hang on through all the bucks and kicks, It's well worth the ride in the long run.

PS

Don't do like I did and question yourself, if you could have just done this or that, because its in the past and you'll drive youself nuts with the what-if's.

As for closure - sometimes it's better to wait until you have a level head and can accept what she has to say. Even at 43 she seems to me a little immature in the way she has chose to handle matters. You CAN NOT be friends with this person anymore and it will take you even longer to get over this unless you break all ties and don't answer phone calls, don't open the door for her, and don't even wave when you pass her on the road. This will show her how bad she hurt you.

One suggestion for closure that really helps me is to write down exactly how I feel.

Write her a letter telling her what you think of her and what she did to you, don't leave out a word. Hold on to the letter for at least a few days, that way you can add things to it that you are reminded of throughout the day. Because we never get it all down the first time. Then you can decide if it was enough to get it out and onto paper, or if you feel like the letter needs to be delivered.
Just remember that, as bad as you hate to admit it, she has some power over you. And she doesn't deserve the satisfaction of knowing that she has scarred you.

I'm sorry ppl like that get me soo worked up and I could go on for hours.

PSS

I have been with my current b/f for about 9 months now, things deffinately aren't perfect, but what relationship is - I am in love again. I know that its a risk, but it is better to have loved and lost than to have never have loved at all.

I 'm happy - and you will be to. Sooner than you think.

Answer 3

Being 49 you should have some experience.. you know that its going to hurt right now and until you find something else or someone new.. Dont bother with her anymore.. she took advantage of your generosity.. and if you keep communicating to her you'll always have a spot in your heart for her but she will keep hurting you.. Best thing to do is forget bout her.. move on.. she obviously has.. When she see's your not there for her anymore she eventually leave you alone.. sorry to read what your going through.. no one should go through this.. i know it hurts.. find something to occupy yourself with..

Answer 4

Your ages have nothing to do with what has happened. She took advantage of a situation to better herself and decided to move on to someone else that seems more profitable for her journey. Forget her and be glad you found out soon enough or you could be in a lot deeper and still get the shaft........

Answer 5

Karl rather is an excellent all around guy or woman and that i'm hoping he does understand all his acquaintances (which incorporate me) will continuously be right here for him. I desire i ought to think of of a song to commit yet Im damaging at that haha

Answer 6

Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry for you. I suggest not talking to her anymore. She obviously is insensitive and bad news. Chalk it up to experience and move on with your life. In the future, remember to always give from your heart so that if it is unappreciated you won't feel used.
I wish you all the best. Leave her alone.

Answer 7

She's not for you. You can do much better that. Remeber this WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND! She'll get her's one day believe me. Don't call her or nothing, and as soon as you find someone else she's gonna be all up in your **** again wanting you back, then just diss her lol!

Answer 8

Dump her and forget all about her! If you aren't the only man she wants to be kissing, then she doesn't rate a second thought.

Answer 9

It sounds to me that she's still speaking to you because she feels she owes you something. But other than that, she's already moving on. You should do the same. (easier said than done, I know)

Answer 10

Whats she do with her daughter ? Are you babysitting while shes ******* around? Id say end it and find a new girl.