do parents damage us for life?

Question

my father often talks about suicide and i have considered it many times over the past few years do you think we copy our parents example even in bad actions or is it just coincidence?

thanks for the friendly advice it is appreciated but im okay now no more suicidal feelings

Answer 1

my mother played a big part in my up bringing , and funny enough i feel sometimes i am alot like her , i do blame her alot , wishing she had done things differently , but life goes on ,
i will just make sure i dont end down the same path she went

Answer 2

Hi! I don't know how old you are but I would say there are two answers to your question...yes! and No! Yes, we do follow many of our parents examples...after all who are with most of our lives during those growing years? And no! it is not by coincidence! BUT...there is some hope..if I may suggest, you trying to help your father rather than copy him...it is evident that you know that it is not a good thing...so now he needs you! He raised you to this point in your life and if you have the intellect to ask us @ YAQHOO! the question...you can use a little of the same and ask Dad...what his problem is? Is there something you as a son can do to help...or encourage professional help. Let him know you are there for him, that you care about him the way he has for you...lend a shoulder instead of taking the easy way out and becoming him. There may be a need for love in his life and maybe you can fill that void or he could be lacking self-esteem or you know what? We woman go through menopause
and all those moments that cause us to freak out and go through moments of depression...MEN go through a type of "CHANGE of LIFE" as well...this very well may be a problem, and when not treated, one sometimes can slip into severe depression w/
suicidal thoughts. Think about it and I think you can turn this around and help him and you both might fight contentment.

Answer 3

There is a genetic link to mental illness, so besides learning from them, we also inherit some of what you are talking about.
However, remember that along with "damaging" us for life, they also give us life and are responsible for much of the good stuff.

If you think often about suicide, you almost certainly suffering from depression. I wouldn't worry so much about if it is from your father or not, but please get yourself some professional help. Tell your doctor and he can refer you to a therapist or psychiatrist, or even prescribe you medication if necessary.

Take care of yourself.
I know what it is like. It isn't easy. But you can get through it and still have a great life.

(you added that you are okay now, and I'm really happy for you about that. but you said you have had these feelings many times over a span of years, so most likely the thought will come up again. don't be afraid to reach out and get help!)

Answer 4

They can hurt us and strongly influence us by their actions and words in good ways and negative ways that bring us down. I don't think we copy our parents' example in the way you are saying--his talking about suicide so you contemplate it too--if that is what you keep hearing then no doubt you will have some thoughts about it and the negative words bring you down. Look for someone you can look up to that is a positive influence and someone you can confide in. When we are very young children under 5 years old we take in everything in our environments and so no wonder we pick up things that are so like our parents. Ugh, I struggle with this myself! Sometimes it feels like such a battle, yes.

Answer 5

Your parents are role models. However as an adult you should be able to see through some of the conditioning - or at least see it for what it is. Somtimes you can break the conditioning.

Some types of depressive illness are genetic. Suicidal thoughts may well be a symptom of an underlying mental health problem, many of which are genetic. If you think this may be a problem to you PLEASE go and see your doctor. There is no shame in this. At last one in four people suffer poor mentalhealth at some point in their lives.

We all have mental health. If you ae lucky you have good mental health just live you may have good or poor physical health.

Answer 6

Well I was going to give you a smart asses answer, until I read the details, so here's the advice of an old father of 4.
Tell that depressed SOB, the next time he mentions suicide, Go ahead, so you can stand at his funeral, drop your pants, and drop a big one right in his mouth, for everyone to see. (that worked on my little brother) And let him know that your a better man than he is. If your dad is really that bad then you should learn how not to act in some situations. prove your self better and don't do it to your children.

Answer 7

parents can influence how their children act or will be in the future but as the child, u have to make those decisions for urself and know what is right from wrong...if ur dad talks about suicide, u should talk to him about it and ask what the problem is and maybe u can teach his something...but whatever u do, to kill urself...that wont really solve anything...im sure u want to enjoy life, but u have to take it one day at a time, face ur challenges head on, even if it is hard, keep going, thats life...
just hope things go well for u and ur dad =)

Answer 8

You can be better then your parents, you just have to reach inside yourself to find the strength to say that you are not going to repeat their life. You have to want it.

IT IS NOT HARD TO DO.

Make up your mind that you want to be healthy, this means your mind and your body. Don't let thoughts of suicide or worthlessness control you.

There is a lot of beauty in the world if you look for it. The people you chose to surround yourself with play a big role in how you perceive yourself. Find good positive people to hang out with.

Answer 9

It's not a coincidence - parents have a big responsibility to set their children a good example - the academic gurus would call it role modelling.
The old adage "Don't do as I do,do as I say" is one of the hallmarks of parents who love their kids, but know that they are setting a bad example.
It seems to me that you know that the example that has been set to you is not a good one, but it is so difficult as [I assume] you love your Dad and don't want to go against what you have learnt from him.
Think - your Dad has talked about it, but hasn't done it - is he manipulating you? - don't do it yourself, and certainly don't pass this negative attitude to your own children

Answer 10

.

Yes you do take on bahaviours from your parents, also your
very personality is dependent on your earliest interactions with
your primary care giver this extends from your very earliest days until you are a completely seperate adult in your own right, and
after this in how you think, feel and perceive everything in your life ...

If you seriously believe you have emotional problems / issues / difficulties arising from this I suggest you seek professional help
from either a counsellor or even better a psychotherapist, they may help you to be your own person and undo the unwitting damage you, in part, describe ...

Go Well ...

.

Answer 11

as a parent it's our job to bring up our kids to be healthy, well educated, well rounded adults.

it's our responsibility to teach right from wrong, good from bad.

our kids happyness is in our hands.
granted we can't stop bad things from happening or wrap them up in cotton wool but we can give them good skills to handle situations. social skills and good morals are as important as educational academics.

if a child is deprived of love he will learn to be bitter,

if a child is shown violence he will learn to be be angry,

if a child is given all they want she will learn to be greedy and materialistic,

you see the patern. we do have the most important influences on our kids, so we need to teach them by example.

seems your were bought up by a depressed father and from this you learned it was normal behaviour so it has been a big part of your life and yes depression is herreditory.

you have the power and the choice to be a better stronger person now that you are old enough to recognise this pattern.

you need to re-learn who you are as a person, set some personal goals to pick yourself up and maybe even help your dad with some new skills too.

if you can't do this alone try finding a local group or workshop to help you with positive mental health.

if your in the uk, social services have a list of workshops to help you.

good luck, your future is your own, so take ownership of it and be strong brave and all you can be x
my appogies for any spelling mistakes, my checkers not working!!