I want to get married. My bf isn't ready. Should I pressure him?

Question

I'm 24 years old and I really want to get married. I've been with my bf for 5 years now and we both look forward to being married but he says we aren't ready financially. I disagree. We both have full-time jobs but he says he wants to save more money first. I think we don't need a **** load of money to get married. It's not like me to be pushy but I know that if I push enough he'll give in. Should I?

Answer 1

I wouldn't if I were you. Your boyfriend sounds like he is trying to be smart about starting a life together(I'm NOT saying you are being dumb about it). It sounds like he has plans on how he wants things to be. If you pressure him he may hold it against you later on. Marriage should be a stage reached once the two parties are in complete agreement. Give it some time and who knows, your wedding may be sooner than you think. Also by pressuring him it completely kills an opportunity for him to surprise you with a romantic way of popping the question. Well, that is my two cents good luck with everything.

Answer 2

Honey, I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years too and I'm 25. What's the rush? All being married means is that you have a ring, a title, eachother's debt, and you can go on the healthcare plan of the other and then what? Being ready financially doesn't just mean you have full time jobs. Maybe he has some debt he'd like to erase, mybe he wants to afford you the ring of your dreams or the wedding of your dreams. No need to be pushy, you'll only push him away.

Answer 3

Pressure him if you want him to run for the hills. Pressure and ultimatums never work. Even if he were to marry you because of pressure, he would always feel like he was rooked into it and didn't get to make his own decision. Then you 're left with a miserable marriage or a divorce.

If he says you aren't financially ready, then sit down with him and set some financial goals to meet (income per year, down payment on a hosue, etc). At least then you will have a timeframe of when it (an engagement, a wedding) might happen. If he doesn't want to set goals and leaves it up in the air, then you have a hint that marriage with you is not on his mind and probabably never will be. Good luck.

Answer 4

Do you really want to push someone, you will be spending the rest of your life with, into marriage? And if you do need to push is the relationship that strong. I'll admit that most men I know don't like to be "tied down" at that age. Money can be a concern but with both of you working full time I doubt that money is the real issue. Talk to him, find out what the real reason for not wanting to get married is. A good talk is better then a push.

Answer 5

ok. here is what my pastor always says: if u dont' know within 1 and a 1/2 years that u want to marry this person, then move on and find someone who does.

my question is, does he want to get married to you? does he make u feel secure, and that eventually he will marry u, when he finally gets his finances in order?

if yes, u are SURE that he wants to marry you, then he needs to understand and validate your feelings. he is being selfish if he doesn't do what he can to make u feel secure. he can give u an engagement ring. u don't have to get married right away! but if there's something else, some other reason why he doesnt' want to propose, u need to nip it in the bud. u want to marry him right? what's wrong w/ wanting a frickin boyfriend who wants to marry you? therefore, it's not about being pushy. it's that u've put in all u had for this relationship, and u expect to be treated well. and to be Satisfied mentally, emotionally, and physically. marriage is the next step. do u really want to stay w/ someone who does not satisfy ur needs? why should u have to let go of what u are Striving for in this relationship?? 5 years is too long too wait. sometimes a man needs to be pressured in order to make the commitment. my pastor said he was pressured, and it was the only way he would've married her back then! and he has NEVER regretted it to this day. if ur bf is a real man, i think he will step up to do what he needs to in order to make u happy, as a cherished, committed girlfriend u've been for this long. if not, then he risks losing u to someone else who WILL commit.

i don't see anything wrong with him at least giving u an engagement ring.. if he waits longer, he has a problem. it's not u who has a problem it's Him. nip it in the bud. if he truly loves u, he will understand and do whatever it takes to at least make u feel at ease. good luck.

Answer 6

Sure, if you want to be divorced in 10 years.

Get over it and let the boy live his life. Just because you want something doesn't mean that he does. His excuse about money is just that, an excuse to put you off for a bit since he isn't ready yet. Pushing someone into a life altering committment never works well for anyone involved.

If marriage is that important to you, then you need to recognize that your bf will not be there for a while. Then decide if you want to wait for him or if you want to move on with your life. Perhaps if you do move on, he'll come to his senses. But do not issue him an ultimatum, everyone hates ultimatums!

Answer 7

I'm pretty much in your same boat.

I'm 23, and my boyfriend is 24. We live together, have a dog, etc. Both have decent jobs (salary, etc).

We have even talked about getting married, and I know he wants to.

He also told me one thing, "Don't pressure me to get engaged." (I wouldn't because of prior experiences with men, but still have that urge to want to be a bit of a nag/pushy about it, and just have to fight it.)

I know if I pressure him it will just make him upset. Point blank. It won't make him want to marry me more, it will just make him frustrated and mad, and most men are the same way.

You can't be subersive, like some of these other girls suggest. You can't think that you are going to trick him into getting engaged, and you can't push him (even though you say you can) to get engaged. This happened to my boyfriend in a previous relationship (His ex nagged/pushed to get an engagement ring, and he gave her a ring, but told her it WAS NOT an engagement ring, but she treated it as such.), and all he did was resent it. It even annoyed him (after the fact) when she would talk about it.

All you can do is honestly tell him your feelings, and accept his. He will come around in time, remember patience is a virtue.

And, God forbid, it doesn't work out, maybe it was for the best that you didn't get engaged (that just makes it harder, I know, from experience).

Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 8

that's no longer a count number of stress. After 5 years, you've been more effective than affected man or woman ... there are diverse women folk who commence pushing for marriage after 6 months of relationship. And sociologists recommend that you wait 2 years in the previous marrying someone (i imagine you've met that advice, with the help of a options and previous). it truly is a count number of what you want. in case you want marriage, and this isn't an selection, then you definately really won't be able to stay with him if he gained't provide you what you go with. in the different case, you'll proceed to sense free all of your existence, and relationships shouldn't make us that unhappy. in case you want marriage, and he desires no longer-marriage, and neither of you could substitute in this ... then you definately 2 do no longer belong at the same time and could under no circumstances sense free. This ultimatum is a very last decision. you heavily isn't in a position to emphasise him to be who he won't be able to be, and if he really won't be able to marry you ... you 2 should not be staying at the same time, for neither of your sakes. the in straightforward words danger you've of him marrying you is in case you flow out and end seeing him and he misses you so badly, that he differences his recommendations. tell him NOW that if you're actually not married with the help of the top of the three hundred and sixty 5 days that you're shifting out ... yet no longer out of state. you'll stay interior an similar section for 2 weeks, and a pair of weeks in straightforward words, in case he differences his recommendations. If he differences he recommendations, he desires to come back for your with an engagement ring and a wedding ceremony date. If he would not substitute his recommendations, then 14 days when you leave him, you'll leave the area. the clarification being that this: he will miss you the most contained in the first 2 weeks, and if lacking you is going to modify his recommendations, that is at the same time as it is going to happen. once you've left the area and set your self up elsewhere, replacing his recommendations gained't help something because you'd be lengthy previous.

Answer 9

Get out the pressure mode.

Take him out on a date and ask him why he doesn't feel ready to get married. How much money does he want to save? How much money do you BOTH think you should save?

If you are getting anxious, then work on your relationship NOW. There's nothing magical about marriage except the wedding itself! Marriage isn't going to solve any problems you have now.

Think about the future, not the now. The best thing you can do for the relationship NOW is to understand that you DO want a future with him, but it just isn't going to start now. The best you can be is honest with yourself and your boyfriend.

AND DON't, I repeat DO NOT get immature about this! Use "I" messages and listen to what he has to say.

Answer 10

I wouldn't pressure him because yeah he might do it just because your on his a** about it. Just toss hints at him every once in a while. The last thing u would wanna do is pressure him tho. When he is ready he will tell ya. Also the reason he might want to wait is so he can have lots of money to give u the wedding he thinks you deserve. Just take your time with it like everyone else says u have lots of time to get married.:)